2012 Is Done: The Year in Review So We Can Just Move On

I like this so I'm using it again, because it really describes my year!

I like this so I’m using it again, because it really describes my year!

2012 started out with a bang and went up and down all year.  The world didn’t end, so I’m saying it’s going out in a good way.  I didn’t start blogging until June and didn’t really start seriously blogging until fall.  Here’s an itty bitty summary of the Year of the Sadder But Wiser Girl:

2012-The Highs and Lows of the Year

January-The hubs took his degree he was awarded at the end of 2011 and put it to work at a wonderful corporation.  The downside?  Loooooooong hours and a loooooooong drive.  What degree?  What are you talking about?  Are they giving away degrees somewhere?  Where do I find one of these things called “jobs”?  Three years prior, my husband was laid off at the company that he had worked at for thirteen years.  They basically announced one day that “Yeah, we’re closing”.  He took a huge pay cut as he went on to another job at another factory.  When things were looking similarly dire over in that place, he made the ultimate decision:  he went back to school, full-time, to pursue his mechanical engineering degree at the tender age of 35.

February-We went roller skating for the first time since I graduated from college.  Since my husband has to drive an hour up and back to work each day, we had to buy a car that wasn’t old ant that we could trust.  Hello huge car payments.

March-We made our first attempt at compost.  It was a moot point, since we then had a drought and it really didn’t matter what we did…

The kid is cute, so what if we never really used the compost?  ;-)

The kid is cute, so what if we never really used the compost? 😉

April-Our fourteen year old kitty passed away on Easter Sunday.  In happier news, at the end of the month we went to our first live NASCAR race at the Kansas Speedway.

May-I turned 38.  My little girl turned four, and I attempted my first fancy birthday cake-a princess castle cake.  Someday I will blog about it and horrify millions of people.  My son survived first grade and lived to tell about it.

June-I started a blog.  If I didn’t start this blog, I was going to be mobbed by people who thought I had a real penchant for storytelling.  My first attempts were pretty bad, but eventually I caught on.  Read my June archives for my first and really lame blog posts.

Mid month I was informed my job was being taken over by a taco that would work on call for pennies.  No unemployment, just the promise of jobs falling out of the sky with great recommendations.  Neither of these materialized, by the way, and I progressed upon the path that brought this lil ole blog to what it is now.   With over 400 Followers, I can say it is almost a marginal success.

July-The day my job poofed into thin air, my husband achieved full time status.  Since then he is a minor celebrity at his workplace-I believe they could possibly build him a litter so he never has to walk through the plant again.

August-We got a dog.  My husband contracted shingles.  And my son started second grade.  All totally unrelated things, thank goodness.

September-We quietly celebrated our 13th Wedding Anniversary and I was buried under the artwork in my house.

For the record, this is what started all the zamboni business.  I still don't think she really knows what a zamboni is.

My daughter made what she called a zamboni.  This is what started the nonsense with all the boxes.

October-I find that Halloween and Halloweens past provides almost unlimited posting potential.  All kinds of people come to my blog looking for costume ideas.  Nice.

November-I am dragged into the 21st century kicking and screaming thanks to The Bearded Iris.  In other words, I actually start using my Twitter account for something other than just that mysterious entity that shares my posts with the world.  One Mom Dragged Into the 21st Century

December-I entered a Christmas tree contest and didn’t win, my kids made Christmas cards that didn’t get sent, I saw Elvis, and we didn’t die in a fiery apocalypse.  Merry Christmas.

And then, the year was over.

Stuff that people looked at a lot:  Man this Home Page/Archives post must be really amazing millions of people seem to visit it… I can’t tell a lot from the stats, but I Peed My Pants at Wal-Mart was probably the most popular post this year.  Hooray for incontinence!

Some of My Favorite Posts:  The Sadder But Wiser Girl…Poop Detective, The Five Stages of Dishes, Yo P.E.E.Ps and P.O.O.Ps, The Recessive Gene: My Pool Needs A Lifeguard.

Search terms used most to find my blog Fantasy Football, which is TERRIBLY uninteresting to me.

Funniest and Most Disturbing Search Engine Terms of 2012:  I pee funny, evil houses, glue sniffing crack, unicorn fart ffpp, I’ve just peed in my big knickers, image of every single pillow pet in the world, I think I have diarrhea from green bean casserole, naked pumpkin man costume, turkey toilet paper, girl poops out a mouse, the brain and people, bucket hoarding, garbage hums, and naked Chad Knaus…

I’m sorry, but anyone who’s looking for naked pictures of Chad Knaus has some serious issues…

zombies

Oh I LOVE it when google fills stuff in for me! The results are quite hilarious, just like my search engine results.

My Favorite Blogs of 2012-Now keep in mind that I JUST discovered blogging this year and I’m still a newbie. I read a lot of blogs.  As a matter of fact, the more I discover the harder it is for me to keep up with all of them, because you know I have to do stuff like pay attention to my children and (occasionally) do housework. Here are some that I have found myself reading the most.  You know, the blogs that I just can’t wait for new posts from and rarely miss reading a post?  My Top 20 in no particular order:  Menopausal Mother, momtimes4, atlantamomofthree, Motherhood is an Art, Funny Is Family, Cloudy With a Chance of Wine, Debie Hive, Diapers… or Wine?  Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva, Miss Banana Pants, Lady or Not… Here I Come, Ninja Mom, Baking in a Tornado, The Tao of Poop, Rants from Mommyland, Marj Hatzell is the Domestic Goddess, Go Cheap or Go Home, Mom’s World, Something Clever 2.0, You Know It Happens At Your House Too.  And of course Parenting, Illustrated with Crappy Pictures-but she doesn’t really need the publicity, now does she?  There are others I’ve just started reading… Maybe you’ll make the list next year, which at the rate I’m going will be the top 100.  Don’t hate me if you blog and read my blog and you’re not on my list.  I bet I read your blog too!  Bloggers are awesome people, and the best circle of folks I know.  I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings!

Bloggers in my Top 20 could receive this beautiful handmade, um, thing.  She says its a weapon...

Bloggers in my Top 20 could receive this beautiful handmade, um, thing. She says its a weapon…

So here it is, the New Year.  Did anyone actually, you know, go OUT and stuff?  We didn’t… details on how we spent our New Years will be coming.  For now I need to publish and be done.  Happy New Year everyone!

The Getting To Know The Blogger Challenge: The Top Posts

I’m doing the Getting To Know The Blogger Challenge sponsored by A Little Unhinged.

12. Your top 5 posts and why you think they were successful.

Hmmmmm… Ummmmmmm…. Uhhhhhhhhhhh….

Ok, I’ve got this:

1)   The one that started it all-Does This Look Infected To You?

The dog didn’t get shingles, my husband did.

My husband went on a business trip and came home with shingles.  It practically wrote itself.  And it was all downhill from that one.

2)  The one that almost didn’t get published-Indiana Jones and the Evil Couch of Doom (aka Crap I Found In My Couch)

Is it an eeeeevil couch?

A poem I wrote one day after cleaning. I deleted it, but then rescued it from the trash.  My husband shared it with his coworkers and they actually liked it!

3)  The one that made people either laugh or say HUH?-The Sadder But Wiser Girl, Poop Detective

“I’ve got something in my diaper and it’s not a toaster.”

Trying to laugh about rejection, I started thinking of jobs that I KNOW I could do.  Hence the very strange but definitely unique blog post.  And also one of the most visited on my blog, shockingly enough.

4)  One of my personal favorites-Yo, P.E.E.P.s and P.O.O.P.s! A Support Group That Doesn’t Exist That Really Should

Wonder what this group’s name would be?

This one bounced around in my head for a long time before coming to fruition.  I’m glad I finally got it all out of there.

5)  The one that I think I am most proud of-Lessons From Kids:  Life Is Short, Play Naked

Honorable mentions:

The Five Stages of Dishes, From Procrastination to Exasperation

The Recessive Gene:  My Pool Needs A Lifeguard

A little DNA humor for you.

If Unicorns Fart Glitter and Poop Rainbows, Where Does Glitter Glue Come From?

Post Apocalyptic Hello Kitty and Grandpa Snake…Adventures in Imagination

Grandpa Snake is caught in many compromising positions.

Whoever Has The Brain Today Please Stand Up:  When ADD People Marry Each Other

REBLOG: Does This Look Infected to You?

Another oldie but a goodie. This is from August, when my husband developed a really weird, um, rash.  I had some issues with posting this, so I apologize if it shows up weird.  I hope you get a laugh (or two) from it!

The Sadder But Wiser Girl

Have you seen the commercial about shingles?  You know the one that says that if you had chicken pox as a child the shingles virus may already be inside you?  I know this commercial well because my son has that line memorized.  He makes it a point to go up to people he knows and ask if they had chicken pox just so he can educate them on the finer points of shingles.

A couple of days after the famous overnight business trip my husband called me over and raised his shirt.  “What does this look like to you?”  My husband is one that rarely takes painkillers, constantly tells my children that “It’s a long way from your heart” when they are injured, and must remind people that he once had a motorcycle peg stuck through his knee and that it was cool.  So when he asks for my opinion…

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Genius… Lost In Cyberspace

Fellow bloggers I’m sure you’ve been there.  Bits of genius are getting lost in cyberspace.

I have had several great inspirations for blog posts that I have slaved over, finished, and tried to post.  And they DISAPPEAR.  Or I’m told it’s an “invalid request” when I try to post.  And then I try to reload the page and *POOF* it’s gone.  Occasionally I find the draft way later when it’s irrelevant to me.  Or it is simply never to be heard from again.

This is very frustrating to me.  I don’t have the attention span for that.

Is this where the lost stuff goes? I bet I have some socks in there.

Last night the invalid request popped up again as I was ready to put my fabulous post about my husband’s struggle with shingles.  Luckily for once my brain was working, and I quickly copied it to Word on my harddrive.  Over an hour later I finally figured out how to paste it to WordPress.

And I admit I’m still learning. I’m not quite sure the difference between a tag and a category.  I know that one or both are necessary if I want anyone to ever read my blog.  Even though I was able to save my wittiness last night it was posted without those all important tags.

I’m currently trying to spruce up my blog, because I’m actually going to stick with it.  And trying to put things on it like links to my favorite blogs and stuff.  Not turning out like I’d would hope.  There is so much out there I want to share, dangit!

I guess this would qualify as a rant.  No offense to WordPress, since I can blog on here for free.  Since I’m unemployed, I’m not paying to share my thoughts.  Probably a good thing my thoughts aren’t for sale.

Does this look infected to you?

Have you seen the commercial about shingles?  You know the one that says that if you had chicken pox as a child the shingles virus may already be inside you?  I know this commercial well because my son has that line memorized.  He makes it a point to go up to people he knows and ask if they had chicken pox just so he can educate them on the finer points of shingles.

A couple of days after the famous overnight business trip my husband called me over and raised his shirt.  “What does this look like to you?”  My husband is one that rarely takes painkillers, constantly tells my children that “It’s a long way from your heart” when they are injured, and must remind people that he once had a motorcycle peg stuck through his knee and that it was cool.  So when he asks for my opinion on something that is bodily related, something is wrong.

There’s something weird on his chest.  It looks like a zillion bugs bit him under his, um, breast.

“Do they itch?”  I ask.  He nods.  “Could be bug bites.”

“I don’t know” he replies, “I was thinking it was from a seatbelt that rubbed me the wrong way”.  Well he WAS in a car for 26 hours in a 48 hour period.

“Would that itch though?”  I think for a minute.  I remember that he said he was in a very seedy part of town for this business trip.  Apparently in this particular part of the country they went to, they REALLY like strip clubs.  One on every corner.  The hotel was surrounded by them.

“I don’t suppose it’s… bed bugs?”  I shudder at this very thought.  I think about how much money people spend eradicating the little dickens.  How they must get rid of every soft thing in their house and put them out on the curb.

He responded with an emphatic NO.

So then we do what any person in the 21st century would do: we get on Google.  I type in “itchy red raised bumps on chest”.  The results?  Lots of really gross pictures.

As we start trying to isolate the condition, we start coming up with every thing we can think of that would cause bumps and type it in to Google along with the word “image”.  Bed bug bites, allergic reaction, rash, scabies, flea bites, shingles, chicken pox.  When I got to spider bites I quit, because the pictures were just sick, and I don’t mean in a cool way.

In the coming days the rash didn’t really get any better, and the ideas about what it was just became more absurd.  Rare flesh eating viruses were mentioned.  At one point I even asked him if he had leprosy.  Surprisingly, not once did we quote “Kindergarten Cop” during these few days (“Maybe it’s a tumor”.  “It’s not a TOO-MAH!”)

Last night he remarked that it may be time to go see a doctor, since he felt that showering may have “angered it”.  So far it hadn’t started talking to him, so it wasn’t an emergency.  Nevertheless I promised to make an appointment for him the next day.

Late morning I got a text from him telling me he was seeing the doctor at 4.  Wow, it really must be serious.  So serious I forgot about it.  But then again it wasn’t my skin burning and bubbling.  At 4:10 I got another text “I have shingles”.

Wow, the shingles virus must really be in inside of him after all…

And the cream to treat it?  With insurance a Barbie sized tube costs $33.  And this guy rarely takes painkillers.  Hope it’s a miracle cure.

Shockingly my son has yet to bring it up at all.  Perhaps he has moved on to another commercial.  If he starts talking to people about Erectile Dysfunction then I’ll start worrying.

The dog didn’t get shingles, my husband did.