Am I a WAHM or a BAHM?

We're no strangers to the comic book store.

We’re no strangers to the comic book store.  Not a great picture, but it shows my daughter’s undying love for Superman, however creepy he is.

I was kind of quiet yesterday for good reason.  We were trying to squeeze in Free Comic Day, a haircut, the retrieval of my husband’s car, and my birthday celebration into one day. Evil Genius was wonderful-he said it was my day.  This meant I got to do pretty much whatever I wanted, within time and budgetary constraints of course.  So after I did a little solo shopping at the mall while they were at the comic book store, we met up and drove back home to get the haircut taken care of and headed BACK to the big city to get in line to see Iron Man 3.  This was to be followed by a light supper afterwards.  I was pretty psyched to get out because I didn’t think I could stand another day of sitting home and doing very little, and I am dying to see that particular movie.

We got three blocks from the movie theater…and heard the unmistakable sound of a child throwing up in the back seat. Not like you want to know this, but the Professor has issues with spontaneous vomiting.  We never really know if he is sick or had one of his random episodes. Being the great parents that we are (don’t laugh) we turned the car around and went home.

Sorry Mr Stark, I’m going to have to wait another week or two or twelve to experience your awesomeness. After I cleaned the backseat thoroughly, Evil Genius cooked me a delicious dinner, we watched Rise of the Guardians with the kids, and then later on watched Anchorman again-because I needed some serious comic relief.  I love lamp.

Tony Stark reads my letter of apology...

Tony Stark reads my letter of apology…

And Evil Genius’s car is still at work.  Guess who’s taking him to work tomorrow?  I’m not complaining, since it’s Princess Gimme’s birthday I’m sure she’ll be up at the crack of dawn anyway.

I did a weekly wrap-up yesterday quite late, if you missed it and want to read it click here.

On to other things, today I am participating in a series about WAHMs over at Mommy Writings: Daughter of Maat.  Today is Part 1 of how I got into blogging and writing. I realize that I can’t really consider myself a WAHM (Work At Home Mom) since I don’t really get paid for what I do (yet.)  For the time being I’m considering myself a BAHM (Blog At Home Mom).  The link to the post is here.

Back home at the ranch, I’ve got a birthday cake to make for The Princess and birthday shopping to attend to today, but I’m feeling a bit *urpy* myself.  I really hope he didn’t share his germs with me!  Don’t worry, I’ll try not to breathe on you…

Wonder where we go for our geek fix?  In Central Iowa we have the coolest comic book store ever-it’s called Mayhem Comics and is located in both Des Moines and Ames.  I’m saving the rest of my information for a future post on our hopeless geekdom, but I really wanted to give a quick shout-out to this place because it is AWESOME! 

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Weekly Wrap-Up: Weak Week

It did seem a bit like a weak week to me.  My husband was on death’s door for at least two days (and missed work for three) while I’ve been suffering a bit, um, mentally (damn PMS).  But I did get new glasses this week, which was very exciting to me.  The picture is a bit blurry, but let’s just pretend that it’s on purpose, shall we?

IMG_1670

Monday  The ADD Kitchen 4:  Baby Its Cold Outside But We Want to be Healthy Edition  Baking when it’s cold outside makes the house warm!  Some stuff that actually worked for me for once!

Tuesday  Insomnia:  It’s Nothing to Lose Sleep Over  I’m a zombie, RAWR!

Wednesday  I am “Loded”  It’s not like it sounds at all.  This is what happens when you are all out of “v”s.

Thursday  Theme Thursday:  The ADD 80s Child Looks at 80s Teen Movies  Jenn challenges me to figure out which member of The Breakfast Club I am.  All I can think about is Sixteen Candles.  Here is the scary result.

Friday  Fly on the Wall January 2013:  The Princess Edition  Find out what man cans and lady cans are.

Saturday  The Flake Award:  The Please Don’t Hate Me Because I Forgot About My Award Post  I’m a flake and how I’m trying to make up for it.

My favorite posts this week:

(Is it sad that I really don’t remember much from this past week?  I haven’t been drunk or anything, honest!)

Depression-S*&T That Everyone Should Know  Nicole Knepper-Finally, someone who explains depression in language that I can relate to, in poop terms.  Well you know, sometimes you just feel like poop…  This is a must read!

ALL the Fly on the Wall posts this week!

Best Search Terms This Week:

Mr T Cooking-I pity the fool!

She wants my zamboni-Is this something like “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” or more like a penis reference?

What does batman eat for dinner-It really sounds like there should be a punchline.  Now I’m wondering, WHAT?

Abby’s Flying Fairy School lyrics-Look up high, in the sky, it’s a school, it can fly!  Um… I used to know all the lyrics… A quick search reveals that you can find the lyrics HERE.  So if you’re looking, now you know where!

Coming Up Next Week:

I have one very exciting thing to share:  I’ll be guest posting over at Menopausal Mother!  Yahoo!  But enough about me, go enjoy your weekend!

yay weekend

Captain’s Log Stardate -309967.53450025356 The Week in Review

I concur. *pop* *pop*

I concur. *pop* *pop*

Disclaimer:  This post may contain the following words-boob, poop, naked, zombie.  Discontinue reading if these offend you.   Hey, ever notice that boob is poop upside down?

Monday  The ADD Kitchen Chapter 3:  Why Duff Goldman Will Never Hire Me  I reminisce about boob cakes, and display batman cake fails and sort of wins.

Tuesday  Printer Purgatory  I resist the urge to kick the crap out of my printer.

Wednesday  Zoinks!  Kids Cartoon Fears and the Container Mystery  My kids are afraid of Scooby Doo, and my tupperware is MIA.

Thursday  Cats and Dogs, Disliking Each Other In My Home Since 2012 If it were seriously my cat vs my dog, I’m pretty sure the cat would win.

Friday  January Secret Subject Swap:  Like Mother Like Daughter, Except When We’re Not  The second time I’ve participated in the Secret Subject Swap!  How my Mom and I are alike, and how I wish I could be more like her.

Saturday  Reblog:  Have Fun Storming the Castle!  I explore the other affliction in our household besides the recessive gene.

Other Good things this week (besides my posts):

The boob cake may be famous.  I’m not holding my breath, but it may be featured in Craft Fail’s  book.  It’s ok if it’s not, but I thought it was cool that they would even consider it.  As I looked at more pictures of it, I about died laughing at how funny it looks…

Take THAT Madonna!

Take THAT Madonna!

And check out Craft Fail sometime.  I love it. They even quoted me on it and stuff.  They also have a Twitter page.

I had a job interview.  A group job interview.  No it’s not as fun as it sounds.  They pretty much took anyone who got on their website.  Do I have a chance?  Maybe.  My advice to anyone who does one is to NOT go right home and google how the company is to work for.  DO NOT DO THIS!

I finally got to work on my personal website.  Don’t everyone get all excited, it’s still a long way from being done, but it’s called Serendipitous Sarah and is supposed to help promote my writing.  Maybe even *gasp* help me land a paid writing job someday.  I’ll let y’all know when it’s “live” or whatever you kids are calling it these days…

AND I’m finally on the mend.  At least I think I am. Unless this is disease’s sucky way of tricking me.  Now my husband has it.

Best post of the week by a blogger way more famous than me:

Hey kids, don’t stick your tongue in there, m’kay?  The Bearded Iris.  I think I broke something laughing.  If you don’t have a “licker” in the house, you may not find this funny.

Odd things of the week:

I’m not sure if I’m flattered or just plain weirded out that Ore Ida follows me on Twitter…
I’ve got escort services commenting on my blog.  I’m used to the sex spam, but really?  Thank goodness for Askimet.

Weird and Disturbing Search Engine Terms this week:

Beautiful girls pooping-yes we all poop, even the beautiful people-do you really wanna see that?

Missing my zombie-I miss my zombie too when he’s missing.  I’m referring to my husband who doesn’t sleep much, what are you referring to?

The family water bra-How exactly is this a family bra?  Does the family all fit in it?  Or do they take turns wearing it?

“Jill Taylor” Ironman-???????

Snowmen Doing Yoga-I kind of want to see that too

So afraid I wet my knickers-People still wear knickers?

Purses with cats on them-In them, perhaps, but not on.

Girl you make me wanna get you pregnant-How the holy heck did this find my blog?  Inquiring minds want to know.

Big furry girl-Mmm-hmmm.  I DID skip a day shaving my legs this week.

Naked Grandpa-I could almost understand it if this picture was used in one of my blog posts:

HA HA HA!  I love this picture.

HA HA HA! I love this picture.

For the record, I don’t know where this photo originally came from.  But if you follow DeBie Hive on Facebook, you can see truly funny stuff like this all the freakin time!  OK, a lot of the time.  I love this lady-check her out!    https://www.facebook.com/debie.hive  http://debiehive.blogspot.com/

That’s all I’ve got.  I’m posting and moving on.  I have a webpage to work on.

My Life This Week: Not Very Interesting

So far, has anyone messed up and written ’12 instead of ’13 on their checks?  Does anyone still write checks?  I was actually told it was cheaper to write a check to pay a bill yesterday.  So I wrote one, and sent it snail mail.  Weird-I thought they were moving away from paper and ink!

Anyhoo, here is the life I led this week:

Yes.

Yes.

MONDAY-I just plain ran out of time and ambition to finish my post.  It was New Years’ Eve after all.  I did celebrate New Years Eve like a boss though.  Well, that is if celebrating like a boss involves making homemade pizza rolls and watching Mystery Science Theater…

TUESDAY2012 Is Done: The Year In Review So We Can Just Move On  My year and how it went, up and down…

mostly dead

He’s mostly dead, all thanks to Google.

WEDNESDAYMy Glands, My Glands, My Lovely Swollen Glands  What happens when you use Google to figure out what’s wrong with you.  Hint:  Never, ever google your symptoms.  Ever. You WILL think you are mostly dead.  Also, Wordless Wednesday: Coffee  Self explanatory.

THURSDAYWintertime Where The Sleddin Is Easy (If You Have Hills)  I participate in my second Theme Thursday on Something Clever 2.0.  The theme was Winter.  It was probably the easiest post I’ve written in awhile!

FRIDAYSheldon Cooper Lives At My House, And Today He Turns Eight  My oldest had a birthday, and tried to convince us that we were supposed to throw him a surprise party.

The only thing I will ever have in common with Rachel Green is that I am also trained for nothing.

The only thing I will ever have in common with Rachel Green is that I am also trained for nothing.

SATURDAYREBLOG:  What I Think Prospective Employers Are REALLY Saying About Me  I started applying for jobs again after a couple of week hiatus and this still rings true.  What the heck are they looking for out there?  Am I really like Rachel on Friends, and trained for nothing?

This next week:  we’ll revisit the ADD Kitchen for a new chapter, cats versus dogs, and the latest in Baking In A Tornado’s brainchild-The Secret Subject Swap, among other things!

My Glands, My Glands, My Lovely Swollen Glands

Don't do it!

Don’t do it!

In case you haven’t heard, I’ve been sick.  It seems like I have been sick forever.  I think I told someone I’ve been sick for a month.  I really wasn’t lying-in my defense it certainly seems that way, but I think it’s only been more like three weeks.  It started out as a cold, got really bad, and got better but hasn’t completely gone away.  I was left with this tickle in my throat that when I cough sounds something like a weak chipmunk.

This morning I woke up feeling completely crappy with swollen glands.  I’ve never had swollen glands in my life that I remember.  They aren’t just swollen, they HURT! Having never had them, I had no idea what was wrong with me.

Of course me being the cool calm collected person that I am, I panicked.

I spent the first part of the day finishing my New Year’s blog post and purposely avoided going anywhere near Google, since I was convinced that with the pain being sort of to one side it had to be a tumor.  If you google your symptoms, you will very quickly think you are dying.  I knew that if I got on there I would be in trouble.  Then I took ibuprofen, which didn’t help at all.  This worsened my fear.  Not only was I swollen and in pain, traditional pain killers weren’t helping.  Great, I’m dying.

frog croak

My husband didn’t help matters.  Being ornery, he made sure to let me know that he thought I was dying too.

By late morning the swelling and achiness seemed to be pretty much all over on both sides of my throat.  So if it’s evenly spread out, it can’t be a tumor, right?  After this thought I self diagnosed myself with thyroid disease, since it runs in my family.  Why not?  Later on I would discover that my thyroid is nowhere near the part of my neck that actually hurt.  Sigh…I never claimed to be a medical expert.

Around 2:15 I tried to lay down and take a nap, but my neck hurt and I of course sat and thought about it.  At 3:00 I dragged myself on a walk and worried the whole time.  When I returned home I threw the empty box for the ornaments on the table and pleaded for the kids to take them off the tree.  Then I drove to town to return a movie that was two days overdue.  My phone chimed just as I pulled in to the movie place.  It was my Mom-she had commented on a blog post I had written on Facebook.  She’d been gone to visit my sister, so this meant that she was home.  I called her to wish her Happy New Year.  When I told her how I felt, she said “Oh you have swollen glands.”  Oh, duh.  People get those.  She also mentioned that I really should go see my doctor-I’d been sick long enough.  Therefore that reaffirmed in my messed up head that I was dying.

By the time I returned from taking the movie back, I couldn’t stand it any longer.  At 5:00 I googled “make swollen glands less painful”.  I so shouldn’t have done that. I now think I may have a whole slew of diseases starting with “a” and going almost all the way to “z”.  I tend to make up symptoms as I go.  That day that I had that itchy bump on my stomach-that counts as hives, right?  My boob hurt the other day, even though I figured out it was right where the underwire of my bra pokes it, that counts as breast pain.  Sometimes my eyelids twitch-that is TOTALLY a symptom.

toomah

By the way, I never did really figure out how to make my glands less ouchie.  Partly because I was obsessing about diseases I could have and partly because some of those websites tend to have really, really gross pictures of stuff like nail fungus and infected things on their sidebar that I can’t bear to look at.

This whole situation is akin to having back pain and renting 50/50. If you are experiencing back pain of any kind, just don’t rent it.  It’s a great movie, by the way, even though I did think I had cancer after seeing it.  I often have muscle spasms in my back and neck.  This has been confirmed by two different doctors.  I’ve been in physical therapy for the neck pain, which I have my daughter to thank for this.  When I gave birth to her I did something to my neck.  Even after six weeks of physical therapy for that and a dislocated pelvis, I never did regain full range of motion in my neck.  She is literally a pain in my neck.

I will give my husband credit, by evening he finally admitted that he was feeling a bit swollen too.  He has been sick right along with me, just a few days behind.  He’s not coughing like I am but he snores when he’s congested.  I should have known this was true.  So maybe I’m not dying…

Incidentally if you put the words swollen glands to the tune of jingle bells it works out pretty well music wise.

So tomorrow I begin the long ordeal of trying to get in to see my doctor.  It’s not that it’s hard to see her, it’s that you have to answer all kinds of questions and possibly have a nurse call you to determine if you are actually sick enough to be seen.  It’s kind of annoying.  I only go through this when I am dying or have some sort of medication issue.  I don’t get that sick too often, so it’s been awhile.

One thing is for sure here, these are the days when I really miss my big fluffy kitty!  The one who currently resides in our house is indifferent to my suffering…

WHAT?  Me comfort you?  Just who do you think I am?

WHAT? Me comfort you? Just who do you think I am?

December Secret Subject Swap: An Autobiography According To Ms Sadder But Wiser

Welcome to the December Secret Subject Swap! 15 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My subject is “The title of my autobiography so far and why.”  It was submitted by http://www.mommyunmuted.com/   Here goes:

So I decided to do this secret subject swap.  I have time, I have all kinds of time, right?  I want to be a writer and paid blogger someday, so this is great practice.  I figured I’d sit right down and just type it all right out in a half an hour because after all, the ideas usually come out like crazy.  And the topic was perfect:  What would the title of my autobiography so far be and why?

This was not the case because life intervened.  Due to extreme conditions of many kinds including illness, getting ready for Christmas on a cabbage patch kid’s shoestring budget, and my own extreme procrastination, my normally free flowing idea diarrhea was stopped up into a full blown case of brain constipation (I need to copyright those words).  Don’t get me wrong, this was a fabulous topic-I just read too much into everything as usual.  Because that’s what I do.  ADD and Anxiety strike again.  I should really look into getting those classified as some sort of superpowers.

So I did the following to try to deal with it:

Welcome to my blog

I stared at my computer

There's two of them in my house.  It makes life interesting.

I made the men write out equations.

I drank coffee.

I drank coffee.

I hid.

I hid.

I even stood on my head, my daughter joined me.

I even stood on my head, my daughter joined me.

I finally decided that my real autobiography would be pretty boring.  No wonder I was having trouble trying to figure out the title!  If I had perhaps developed some lifesaving vaccine, invented the post-it note, swam the English Channel, and gained superpowers, maybe it would be worth a read. Maybe if Ellen really WOULD call me and invite me on her show, if I wrote a best selling fantasy novel (damn you J.K. Rowling!), if I got to travel the world, even if I just got to go back to school, that would be interesting.

Would anyone really want to read my life story of dealing with ADD, Anxiety, rejection, job loss, my marriage to an evil genius, raising two quirky yet adorable children, all written with a weird twisted sense of humor?   That I spent more than ten years of my life changing diapers?  That I am not allowed to have any portion of my body naked for more than five seconds without the little people needing me?  That in another few weeks no one will be able to find my house at all with all of the artwork everywhere?

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyy, wait a minute, that’s what I write about on my blog EVERY DAY!  And over four people read every post too.  Maybe this is possible to come up with after all.  So exactly 12 hours before I had to post it came to me, the title I had been seeking for weeks finally came to me:

“The Poop of My Life:  How It Really Stunk But Everything Came Out Ok”.

Of course it had to have the word poop in it somewhere!  I just wouldn’t think it would be something about me without some reference to feces.  This is assuming that every is going to come out ok at the beginning of this next year (I have hope), that the world really isn’t going to end (I have my doubts), that I will finally find gainful employment (I have doubtful hope), perhaps even doing something I love like writing (hint hint, prospective blogger hirers).  Now if I could only figure out what the cover would look like!

So if you were writing your own autobiography, what would YOU call it?  Trust me, it’s not as easy to come up with as you might think!

audrey

I never claimed to be a lady.

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there!

http://www.BakingInATornado.com

http://www.cassandrazcorner.blogspot.com

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com

http://www.momaical.com

http://macdonaldsplayland.blogspot.com/

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/

http://dinoheromommy.com/

http://www.hungrylittlegirl.com

http://rushingforbagels.blogspot.com/

http://www.mommyunmuted.com

http://www.3monkeysandamartini.com

http://www.theadventuresofthefamilypants.com

http://www.loveartbaby.com/

Auntie Shrew, Auntie Shrew, Mommy’s Sick!

I wish there was someone to fill in for me today!

I wish there was someone to fill in for me today!

I’m pretty sure that Santa is sitting on my chest and there’s a reindeer up my nose.  Yup, I’ve been sick, and apparently it has to get worse before it gets better.  My brain is full of something that is not brains.  Due to this, I can’t even think straight and therefore am forced to take a day off.  Sort of, because Moms really don’t get a day off.

The princess has made sure I have good company for the five minutes that she allows me to lay down.

The princess has made sure I have good company for the five minutes that she allows me to lay down.

I know that I’d like to invest in one of these babies, but considering I can’t even use the bathroom alone I doubt I’d be allowed to use it properly.

Borg regenerator.  I'd like the Mommy model, please.

Borg regenerator. I’d like the Mommy model, please.

I have a million and one unfinished craft and baking projects to do, because remember, I’m making all of my own stuff this year.  Our family Christmas is this coming weekend and I have sooooo much to do.  I’d take some elves to help out about now, not including the one walking around my house with my camera, taking pictures of her feet, the walls, and other random stuff.  She keeps trying to take my picture, and I’m about ready go all Hollywood on her.

Since I am almost always blogging a day ahead, this means that unless I make a rapid recovery that there may or may not be a blog post tomorrow…or the next day…  But I am also a big liar a lot of the time.  Maybe my daughter or son or husband will do a guest post.  HA HA.  I hope to be back soon-renewed, fresh, and full of something other than whatever my head is full of.

Oh-and stay tuned on Friday.  I’m participating in the Secret Subject Swap through Baking in a Tornado.  I can’t tell you any more, because if I told you I’d have to kill you.  It will be good fun!  Hopefully I’ll be able to focus enough to enjoy it.

I said I wanted elves.  Wrong elves.

I said I wanted elves. Wrong elves.

SuperintendentHalopedia: The Superintendent is a second generation “dumb” Artificial Intelligence.

Sickety Sick Sickiness

On top of the twelve days of PMS coming to an end, it became very apparent yesterday when I got up that I was SICK.  Not just a little under the weather, sickety sick sickiness.  Like I can’t get up sickness.

I’m not sure what exactly got me up in the morning.  I know I didn’t WANT to get up because I was having a really fantastic dream.  At least I think it was fantastic because Tony Stark was in it, and I think we were volunteering or something together (do superheroes do volunteer work?  Or is being a superhero in itself volunteering).  There were lots of cups or something, so maybe it was a wedding instead.  Uh-oh, did I kill off Pepper Potts?  Don’t get me started on my whole IronMan Robert Downey Jr fascination because I don’t really understand it either.  The guy plays a jackass and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was one in real life too.  Then again I guess it wasn’t THAT good of a dream, because where were the rest of the Avengers?  At least the Thor admiration makes sense.  Anyway, I should have just stayed in bed.

We’re actually already on to Day 2 of Sickety Sick Sickiness.  You’ll have to excuse the typing. I’m trying to type while laying down.  Not an easy feat.  I can’t sit up because I may puke.  It’s a cruel joke, feminine monthly woes on top of a nasty virus.  Yeah, I’m laughing on the inside.

I haven’t been puking but I imagine this is the amount of sympathy that I probably would get from my cat…

I’m hot, I’m cold, I’m hot, I’m cold.  My stomach may rupture any moment-I may have one of those aliens in there.  I’ve slept on and off all day the last two days, trying to get back to figuring out what that dream was about.  At one point yesterday I went up and laid in bed, but that did no good because then I was joined by two little girls-a furry one and a not furry one.  They were not about to let me rest.  The dog lays on me when I’m downstairs.  He DOES NOT help the feeling hot issue.  I think he thinks I’m dying-he can’t handle that thought.  I DO feel like I’m dying.

I’m a MOM, and of course part of the job is pretty much no days off.  I must admit the kids have been pretty good.  My son had a no school day today, and he has done a pretty good job of keeping his sister somewhat entertained.  However, the house is worse of a shambles than usual.  My goodness this would be a great time to have that automated house that does everything for you.  I’ve TRIED to do stuff.  Last night I went in and tried to get supper started in between bouts of nausea and dizziness.  I didn’t get very far.  I was extremely happy today to find one clean pan to make the kids the last box of Kraft mac n cheese in the house.  Yay!  Easy lunch.  Back to the couch.  The fan is blowing right on me.  I can’t eat anything…  I tried.  The results were not pleasant.

So if there aren’t any entries on here for awhile, it’s because I died.  They can bury me in the garden with all the weeds.  While I’m laying here waiting for some relief maybe I can figure out what the heck that dream was all about…

So now this has me wondering-is being a superhero a form of volunteerism?