Analog Girl Stuck in a Digital World

The last in my series of guest bloggers who rock, Tamara is the woman behind PenPaperPad.  She and I both belong to the blogging group Bloppy Bloggers.  I love her writing!  I thought that she would be an awesome choice to round out my week of guest bloggers.  I was right-she submitted a most excellent post for me!

The biography of Miss Tamara Woods:

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Tamara Woods is a poet, blogger and generally pusher of words from Honolulu by way of West Virginia. Her current big project is getting her first collection of poetry, The Shaping of an “Angry Black Woman to an e-store near you. You can cyber stalk her via Twitter, Facebook and check out her mumbling on her blog, PenPaperPad.

Here is her post:

I’m getting a new phone. You my dear readers, don’t even know how truly steeped in awesome this is.

It involved a summit in the house between my boyfriend (The Mathemagician) and me. I told him that I needed all 4 Gs. All of them.

He asked, “What are the Gs for?” Quizzing me like I need logic.

I said, “I don’t know, but I’m CONVINCED I need all of them.”  Ha! This is my understanding of technology.

Before these fancy-pants new phones with their swipey technology and apps, I would keep a cell for like five years! My current phone has been in my hot little hands for a little over a year. Already it lags, failing when I try to upload things to any social media site, pretending like it’s all full of data like my texts are its Thanksgiving dinner—memory too full to text my left fanny. Then the crashing, oh for the crashing. I had to develop a trick for texting on this phone:

  1.           Write and send text,
  2.           When it inevitably gets stuck on a send screen, hit the back arrow.
  3.           After receiving the message letting me know it’s sorry but it needs to close (again) then I click on wait.
  4.           Seven times out of 10 this will cause the text to send. Otherwise, I have to take the battery out, because it’s 100 percent frozen.

WHAT?! When did phones need a secret decoder ring to use it?!

I feel like an analog girl stuck in a digital world.

I want to use one of the fanciers cassette tapes (remember the ones that were see-through and you could SEE THE TAPE? (Oooh…classy.) I can sit in front of my stereo, listening to FM or college radio (satellite radio, what? Nope, I don’t know about you yet. I have to press record at just the right time, so I can make a radio deejay mixed tape masterpiece. This one will be for long drives.

I’d really like to have a phone that I used as a phone instead of a multi-tasking time waster. The only time I actually talk on the thing is either to schedule an appointment or talk to my Mom. (Which sometimes feels like a doctor’s appointment forever asking me how the plumbing is going down there and if she’ll be holding a grandbaby any time before she dies. Don’t worry, my Mom has been talking about things happening before she dies since the 80s. She doesn’t even ask me about getting married first anymore this one. She’s traded wedding bells for booties.)

What was I talking about again?

Oh yeah, technohell.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m really glad for technology. Without it, I wouldn’t be able to share ideas with you guys and I’d have to leave my house and meet people IRL. *gulp*

Sometimes I just with the future was a little further away. I feel like I’ve stepped into a sci-fi film, but without all the special effects. The year 2020 used to sound so distant and foreign like flying cars and a hallowdeck where I could pretend to be in France in the early 1900s sipping tea and eating something chocolate. Now it’s only 7 years away!

So, I’m getting a new phone. Hopefully, this one will last for at least two years before advances in phone technology makes me have to develop a decoder ring to upload a photo to Instagram.