The Preoccupied Professor and the Lunchbox Mystification

He's in third grade now!

He’s in third grade now!  Yes those are Christmas lights.  Don’t judge.

Just when you almost forgot that I DO have another child…

While The Princess is thoroughly enjoying her rule over the kindergarten world The Professor is busy being a great big third grader.

And with being a big third grader comes big responsibility.

It IS a big adjustment.  Third grade is when kids start going to different classrooms for different subjects.  They also have to keep an agenda-which is a book that they write down work assignments and check them off when completed. A parental unit has to sign it.  This all fine and dandy, but that means that mom has to remember it.  This isn’t a big deal except on days that end in ‘y’.  Since Mom is busy being distracted by all things library related and son has his mind on other things like books and superheroes, things tend to be misplaced, forgotten, spaced off, etc…

We’ve already had several misunderstandings.  One had to do with his school pictures.  Every year I take the kids to get their pictures taken at SuperTarget.  After a lot of wrangling with my conscience decided that it was just too much to pay for botht he school pictures and the Target portraits.  I leveled with both of them, because I didn’t want them to feel left out when the other kids got their pictures back.  I told them that we would be going to get our pictures taken later on.  Later like in November.

The Professor took this to mean that he needed to go in early to get his pictures taken on picture day, because he thought that I would be picking him up later that day to get his pictures taken at Target.  He took it upon himself to go down to the gym and get his picture taken with the kindergarteners…

Yes you can’t make this stuff up, people!

catholicThis morning I started packing lunches when it occurred to me that I hadn’t seen his lunchbox since last week.  This really wasn’t a big deal, because he ate hot lunch Friday and Monday.  But it IS a big deal as far as his lunchbox has been missing that long, because his mother has not had enough brains to notice.  Ew.

I checked the kitchen table, under the kitchen table, next to the kitchen table, the cabinet that the kids are supposed to put their lunchboxes in after unpacking them, the trash, his hamper and his backpack.

(Don’t laugh at me about the hamper.  We’ve found some really interesting missing items in his hamper.)

The lunchbox was nowhere to be found.  I had to interrupt his breakfast so that he could perhaps shed some light on this situation.  He proceeded to check the kitchen table, the back porch, his backpack, and the back seat of my car.

“Oh well.  I must have left it at school, he said nonchalantly and returned to eating his Cheerios.  I’m sooooooo happy that he is so concerned about this.

I reminded him as he left that he would have to remember to look for it at school.  I was hoping that the fact that he was carrying the lunchbox he had in kindergarten would be a gentle reminder.  Just to be sure that he didn’t forget I emailed his teachers, asking them to please remind him to look for it.

After school I asked him about it as we were walking up to the library.  “Did you remember to look for your lunchbox?”

“Yes.  I checked the lost and found. Both of them.  I didn’t find it so I must have left it at the library.”  (Highly unlikely, but I was glad he at least looked at school).

Of course it was NOT at the library.  On the way home after library club, we discussed the seriousness of the lunchbox situation.  “I can’t afford to run out and buy you a new lunchbox right now.  I don’t really understand how a batman lunchbox with your name written on it in five places can simply vanish into thin air anyway.  You’ll have to take your Cars lunchbox for now.”

He was really upset about that.  “Ok.”

We pulled into the driveway, and The Princess hopped out of the car, lugging her flowered backpack behind her.  The Professor got out lugging nothing behind him.

“WHERE IS YOUR BACKPACK????”  I hollered.

“Uh-oh, I must have left it at the library.  Drat.”  Because his mother is a moron who doesn’t notice things, I didn’t see the fact that he wasn’t wearing anything on his back when we departed the library.

And don’t you love the fact that he says DRAT??? That’s my boy!

I drove back to the library, muttering under my breath the whole time.  The Professor ran in, grabbed his backpack and we returned home, with the backpack but still sans lunchbox.

I took one last chance-I looked in the cupboard and pulled out both baskets of lunch containers, perused the dirty as well as the clean laundry stacked on the back porch.  I even checked the other cupboards just in case.  No lunchbox.  At that point I simply gave up.  It wasn’t ever going to turn up.

But then my mind worked its crazy magic.  As I was cooking supper, a thought occurred to me.  I knew exactly where his lunchbox was, and told him to go look for it.

Sure enough he found it, under the couch…

This post has been brought to you by an absent-minded mother, an even more absent-minded child and a really stinky container of ranch dressing left in a lunchbox under a couch for five days…

Yes THIS couch, the dog eating one...

Yes THIS couch, the dog eating one…