Guess Who’s Coming For Dinner: Conversations With Geeklings

shieldI never understood what the big deal was about… being normal.

From time to time, we have conversations in our household that seem perfectly normal to me, but that’s because I live here.

Later on as I think about it, not so much.

We’re nerds.  Geeks.  We don’t tend to like things that the normal person would enjoy.  We’re not normal.  And really, that’s perfectly okay.  I wouldn’t want it any other way.

This week with the anticipated opening of the latest Marvel movie which I am attending on opening night (Squeeeeee!), the conversations have been centered around superheroes.

Remember, we don’t get out much.

It started with Evil Genius disagreeing with my choice of serving utensil.  The ladle was in the dirty dishes, so I grabbed a great big serving spoon for our soup.  He protested loudly.

“Steve Rogers wouldn’t disagree with my choice of serving utensil!” I shouted after him.

(For the layperson, Steve Rogers is the secret identity of Captain America.)

Captain_America_I_Understand_That_ReferenceThen I totally uninvited him to the movie.  Too bad I don’t really have any say in that.

It went downhill from there.  By Thursday we were knee deep in superhero references.  We were talking about the new movie, and pretty much every other superhero movie ever made.  This somehow led to this question:

If we were to have superheroes over for dinner, who should we invite?

(This is REALLY important stuff in our house, by the way.)

The Professor right away shouts:  “The Flash!  Supper would be ready really fast because he’d cook it.”

(Food that is done quickly is very important to him).

So not only are we inviting them over, they’re cooking for us too?

The Princess:  “I’d like Wonder Woman to come over.  She’s a girl.”

(Poor Black Widow, she’s obviously a threat. No soup for her.)

Me:  “Well obviously Captain America is the right choice.  He would have EXCELLENT table manners.”

The Princess:  “We’d have to invite Superman.  He could open the pickles.”

The Professor piped up “Batman would be cool because his secret identity is Bruce Wayne.”

Me:  “What does that have to do with anything?”

The Professor:  “I just like Bruce Wayne.  And Batman.”

He just really likes Batman.

He just really likes Batman.

The Princess got a very worried look on her face.  “We can’t invite ALL the Avengers, because the Hulk would smash the table.”

The Professor:  “But if we ALSO invited Green Lantern, he could make us a new table with his ring.”

The Princess:  “But all his stuff is always green.  I don’t want a new table that’s green.”

Me:  “So invite a red lantern.”

The Princess:  “How about a PINK Lantern.  I would looooooooove that!”

The Professor:  “There are no PINK Lanterns.  But there are purple ones.”

The Princess:  “*GASP*  INVITE THEM!!!!”

The Professor:  “OK, but no yellow ones, they’re evil.”

Me:  “Yes I think there probably needs to be a no supervillain rule.”

(I’m secretly sad about that one, I’d totally invite Loki to my house…)

The Professor:  “Some supervillains aren’t really that evil.  Justin Hammer can come.”

(Secretly not sad now, Sam Rockwell can come to my house any time.)

The Professor:  “I’m sure that if we invited the Green Lantern AND The Flash that they would get along very well.  And Spiderman-I would love that.”

The Princess:  “Spiderman?  Ewwwww.  He’d just walk around on the ceiling.”

The Professor:  “Thor.”

The Princess:  “No.  No one is going to smash things.  He’ll smash things with his hammer.”

(She’s really worried about this whole smashing thing, should we be concerned?)

Me:  “Don’t you remember The Dark World?  He hung his hammer up when he came in the house.”

The Princess:  “Oh yeah! I still don’t want him to come though.”

The Professor:  “Let’s invite Phil Coulson.”

Me:  “He’s not a superhero, he’s a SHIELD agent.”

The Professor:  “That’s okay.  Agents can come too.”

In the end, the Professor was realizing his worst worry might come true if we did indeed invite all of these people over to our house.  His fear:  If all of the Avengers AND the Fantastic Four came over, how would Chris Evans be both Johnny Storm AND Captain America?  Serious stuff.

And nobody suggested Iron Man or any of the X-Men, which is a shame…


Nobody invited Iron Man…

So there you have it, superheroes and SHIELD agents.  Dinner party at my house.

On the menu:  Pizza (shaped like a cat AND Captain America’s shield), Craisins, and baby carrots.  And if everyone behaves, chocolate/vanilla twist ice cream from DQ for dessert.

You’re all invited, you can even bring a guest.  That is as long as it’s not a super villain (except for Justin Hammer, you’re already invited).

Looks like I’m gonna need a bigger house.

This post is part of Finish the Sentence Friday, hosted by the following superheroes of the blogging universe:

Kate of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine With My Morning Quiet Time?

Stephanie of Mommy, For Real

Kristi of Finding Ninee

Janine of Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyholic

And very special guest host Katia of I Am The Milk
(one of my favoritest people on the internets!)

Check out how other people finished the sentence by popping over to see one of these ladies and the linky!




Weekly Wrap-Up: The Summer Vacation is Almost Over Panic Edition


Me buying school supplies for my kids this week…

I don’t know how things have been at your place.  We’ve been busy.  My kids go back to school here in a little more than a week, so in addition to the whole “the summer is almost over panic” we’ve been doing the whole “get the school supplies while we have the money” scramble. How fun is that?

I’ve also had troubles.  Electronic troubles.  Internet and computer and phones and oh my!!!  So I’ve not been nearly as productive as I’d like to be.  Two steps forward, one step back?  Is that how it goes??  My apologies if you’ve been expecting much from me the last few days!

And my kitten is definitely a kitten. That has been both entertaining and maddening at the same time.  I’m sure you can only imagine.

I also wrote some stuff this week…

Monday I Didn’t Go To BlogHer and Get Free Lubricant, But I Did Go to Jail  It’s not as dirty as it sounds, as a matter of fact it’s rather informative!

Tuesday  TMT BathTub Time Machine:  Y2K And Yet Another Humor Me Blog Hop  We went into the 21st century in our bathtub, and also had some funny posts to go along with it!

Wednesday Buzzing Into DeBie Hive

I got to take a crack at DeBie Hive’s Writer’s Workshop Wednesday!

Thursday Theme Thursday: Cats and Dogs, Disliking Each Other in my Home Since 2012  An old post, because I totally sucked and didn’t get my Star Wars vs Star Trek post done for the rilvalries topic.

Friday  Old School Blogging:  We’re NOT Going Streaking!  Everything you may or may not want to know about me.  Prehensil toes but no nudity involved…

I said my hair can't be tamed?  Maybe I need Thoreal...

I said my hair can’t be tamed? Maybe I need to use Thoreal…

Saturday No Flaking This Time: The Latest Good Stuff!  I got awards and gave awards… no procrastination necessary.

Stuff I Loved This Week

Where’s Waldo?  Probably in Therapy Abby Heugel Abby Has Issues  Abby examines what would happen if your favorite children’s book characters were in therapy.  F-U-N-N-Y!

And That’s Why Parents Invented the Stork Story Vikki Claflin Laugh Lines  My pregnancies and births were nowhere near this entertaining.

9 Alternate Uses For Birthing Dolls Robyn Welling In the Powder Room  Robyn from Hollow Tree Ventures continues to add proof that we may very well be long lost relatives.

And an old post that I spent quite awhile trying to find because it’s been on my mind for the last couple of days, I want to share it again.  Because depression really is like poop…
Depression: S*&t That Everyone Should Know Nicole Knepper Moms Who Drink and Swear

One more time, then I promise I'll quit using this...

One more time, then I promise I’ll quit using this…

Best and Most Disturbing Search Terms

I am pretty sure that this week was the worst week for fun search terms ever.  Sad face.

In my life I need melody to To what?  WHAT?????  Finish your thought!  Dammit I can’t stand it when I don’t have CLOSURE!!!!!

I soaked my sweatpants with pee  This would pair well with the “pooping in a cornfield” search term from last week.

The woman is pooping on the toilet Imagine this being said in Jerry Seinfeld’s voice.  Well it made ME laugh…

Next week

Monday-It’s going to be a mystery.  What will she post about?  Will she or won’t she post? It will be very exciting… or not…

Tuesday-It’s the final chapter in the Bathtub Time Machine posts.  Sad?

Wednesday-I have a post on Mom Rants and Comfy Pants for her Musings from the Shower series.

Thursday-Theme Thursday’s topic is GEEKDOM!!!!!  I think I can contribute a word or two.

Friday-It’s the Secret Subject Swap!

So that’s it. I’m off to buy a squirty bottle…

bad human

This is so happening at my house…

Theme Thursday: Where’s the Genie in My Bottle?

Theme ThursdayTheme Thursday.  It’s better than a litter of kittens, a box of wine, and McDonald’s french fries all put together!  Each week a theme is chosen via a very scientific method-most likely Jenn from Something Clever 2.0 pulling a piece of paper out of a hat.  Then we all get to work and come back with what we want to write about it.  No rules.  Ok, a few rules, but not TOO many for you rebels out there, because we like rebels.  This week’s theme is wishes. 

Does that sound like fun?  Why yes, it is.

When we were kids we always said that if we found a genie in a bottle we’d do the whole wishing thing the right way.  We’d wish for a million wishes instead of the three wishes that people always seemed to screw up in the stories we read!

And me with my problems with indecision, would definitely need more then three wishes!


One of my husband’s coworkers brought this back from Italy. He went there because he is 100% born and raised Italian. I thought this was cool, it looks like something a genie would live in, does it not?

Needless to say, when I found out that this week’s theme was wishes, I was ready to jump right on that bandwagon.  I could use a few wishes.  Even more importantly, I could use a good genie!  Therefore, before the wishes, we must address the question:  What would my genie look like????

The Aladdin genie, while very funny, doesn’t really do it for me.  Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie?  No thanks.  Kazaam?  Think I’ll pass. How about an Iron Genie?  Think about it…

Make me some coffee!

Make my wishes come true!

If I really did find a genie, I would have to make sure to ask the genie if the genie bra was really that magical…  And then I would make sure that instead of three wishes, that I would be granted infinite wishes.  It would be like having my very own fairy godparents, except BETTER (because you saw my genie, right?)

So what would I use my infinite wishes on?  Oh boy… so many possibilities.

Very first and foremost, I would wish for financial security for my family for the rest of our lives.  Not rich beyond our wildest dreams, just enough so that we wouldn’t have to (barely) live paycheck to paycheck.  This worrying constantly about whether we will have enough each pay period is for the birds.

I’d wish for some of those shirtless superheroes to come hang out at my house.  I can look, I just can’t touch, right?  And they would do all the things I need done, like clean my gutters and fix my appliances.

That's really, really nice.  Now fix my dishwasher.

That’s really, really nice. Now fix my dishwasher.

I would wish for success.  I’m not talking rich and famous success.  I mean being successful at something.  Like my writing to garner a bit more readership.  Perhaps get a book published… Or to just be able to go back to school without going bankrupt would be nice.  I know, I’ll keep dreaming…

A new laptop, with infinite memory, lightning fast internet browsing, and don’t forget the port to plug right into my brain, just like my friend Starr at The Insomniac’s Dream blogged about awhile back when we were doing “Useful Inventions” as our theme.  Oh yes, and no overheating issues, so I could actually be online for more than a little bit at a time!

I would wish for transporter technology so that we could go visit our friends and family in an instant.  Think about it-you’re getting married in Florida?  No big deal, I’ll just beam right down there.  Then I could meet Menopausal Mother for a drink in her backyard! Aw heck, I could do that every weekend!

Meno Mom backyard

Can’t you picture me having a pina colada here?

I’d wish for a better brain.  One that works regularly and doesn’t have holes in it like mine does.  Or maybe I just need to wish for some plugs for the holes!

I would wish for more empathy in the world.  And common sense.  Gosh, wouldn’t that be lovely?

How about a faucet that distributes a little bit of vino? Of course you’d think that if my genie came out of a wine bottle that would be a no-brainer…

I would wish for more talent in the kitchen.  Right now I can’t get an ounce of inventiveness (outside of what Amy at Funny is Family dishes up for her super duper Crockpot Thursdays there’s very little to add to my repertoire these days.)

cat cora

How I feel in the kitchen on a good day…

Bork bork bork!

What’s more realistic.  Bork bork bork!

I would wish for a cure, or at least a better understanding of autism.

Of course I’d wish for Calorie free desserts that taste like the real thing…

And a good night’s sleep, or two, or ten.  Heck it’s infinite wishes, right?

Most importantly, I’d wish for happiness for my children, for them to be able to attain their hopes and dreams, and eventual success.

Now dammit, it’s in my head and I have to play it…

Thought this looked like fun?  Want to participate in a future Theme Thursday?  The theme is listed for the following week in each week’s Theme Thursday post.  See what we’ve got going on, write to your little heart’s content, then come back and link er up.  In the meantime, please read some of this week’s posts to get some inspiration, because we are always inspiring, at least 92% of the time…

No I meant without the suits.  I mean they'd be wearing clothes.  I mean, oh never mind...

Oh boys, fighting over me are we?  This could happen, except they’d be without the suits. I mean they’d be wearing clothes. I mean, oh never mind…

Resuscitation Successful! Items that didn’t work before now do. Wheee!

So shiny!

So shiny!

What looks like just a sink to you is something more to me.  After the sprayer/aerator thingie broke off the sink the other day I was going to give up on ever washing dishes again.  Evil Genius had enough of this things not working (ie wife has another excuse to stay away from dishes) nonsense.  Not only did he get a garbage disposal unjammer thingie and fixed it, he also replaced the faucet.  It’s shiny.  We have a sprayer that actually works.  AND everything is hooked up correctly now.  We do live in a house where we have yet to find any plumbing that is actually hooked up right.  Our shower is actually the exact opposite of what it says.  You turn it to cold to make it hot, and hot to make it cold.  Makes sense, right?  THAT was a lot of fun when we first moved in (not).

He so deserves praise. This week I’ll be sure to wash all of his underwear.  Now, let’s do the dance of joy!

Dare I say that this blog drove him to it?  Perhaps.  He gave me a REEAAAAAALLY hard time about a certain blog post that I made a while back. It took me a long time to figure out as to which one he was referring.  I finally realized that he was talking about Living With A Evil Genius (Or Two).  Honey, in my defense I was not complaining, or bitching, or whining.  It’s called humor.  I can point that stuff out from time to time.

Now if it had been the semi naked Thor picture that drove him to it, I was going to start posting shirtless superheroes with comments about broken household items more regularly.  Like this one:

He did point out to me that he had done quite a few things, all in one day.  Not being one to discredit my wonderful husband, here is what he did yesterday-1) Got up. 2) Put on pants. 3) Greeted people at church, wearing a nametag that had his real name and therefore people knew it was him greeting them!  4) Helped decorate the church for Christmas (I originally typed Easter in there for some reason). 5) Got a haircut. 6)  Hung Christmas lights outside. 7) Made two trips to Lowes in one day. 8) Fixed the garbage disposal. 9) Replaced the sink faucet. 10) Let both children live another day.  Not too shabby honey.

I like them.

I like them.

Greeting the members of the congregation was quite funny.  We weren’t funny, but our kids were.  My son greeted everyone by greeting their navel, my daughter shook hands in her own nonconformist way-she is left handed, and WILL NOT shake hands with her right hand.  They shook so many hands that by the time it was time to share the peace Princess Christmas seriously looked at me as if to say “AGAIN? REALLY?”  Then she proceeded to try to make off with one of the apron dresses they were dedicating.  The fact that she is so cute makes her very, very dangerous.  She knows this too-she wields her power whenever possible.  Her poor brother.  She’s got him doing whatever she wants, and I’m sure this is only the beginning of her world takeover.

While I’m talking about church, keep in mind that if I don’t publish any more blog posts after Saturday, it’s because I’m dead.  I have to sing a solo with the choir backing me up next Sunday.  I can’t get through the darn song without panic setting in, and I just may very well have a heart attack and die.  I haven’t done a solo in years.  As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ve done one since I’ve had children.  And I used to do this stuff daily.  I used to hire myself out to sing at weddings.  I USED TO TEACH MUSIC.  Hello Panic Disorder.

Despite worries of impending death by participation in music I think this week is starting out pretty well!  If I could do a cartwheel, I’d probably do one.  Except knowing me I’d probably pee my pants!  Check back in tomorrow to see what mirth and merriment we’re going to be getting into!

My Christmas List, No Holds Barred

This really has nothing to do with my Christmas list but man did it make me laugh!

Now that we’re starting to get into the swing of the holiday season, I have something I want to share.  I know that Jesus is the reason for the season, and I know that I’m an adult and should be wishing for stuff like world peace and all that jazz for Christmas.  But I don’t want to.  I’m too broke to do much for Christmas.  My husband and I won’t be exchanging gifts and the kids will be getting precious little this year. So for now I just want to dream a little.  Today I want to be totally immature and selfish and think about all the stuff that I really wish I could get for Christmas. Then I’ll drown my sorrows in cheap wine.  So anyhoo, if you’re not offended by the fact that I’m not thinking about anyone but myself for the duration of this post, please read on. If you ARE offended, then, well… I got nothin.


1)  A fake fireplace.  Really!  I AM DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT WANTING THIS!  I have always wanted a fireplace in my living room.  Insurance companies don’t really like them much and we really can’t afford to knock a wall out to put one in our living room.  But a fake one would work-all of the perks without the hassle, not to mention that we could mount our TV right above it.  They also have models with a place for all of your electronics.  I could bask in the warmth of the crackling fire while he watches… football.  Not a total win win, but I’d gladly take it.  Lowes sells them.  If anyone wants to donate one to me, I’ll point you in the right direction.  I’ll even drive you there.

Chestnuts not roasting on an open fire (because it’s faaaaaaake…)

2)  My gym membership paid in full for one year.  If I wanted to get really wild and crazy I’d also wish for someone to watch my kids while I went.  Of all the things I have had to give up in order to save money, this is the one I miss the most.  That and my newspaper subscription-but reading the news wasn’t really doing me much good. This was!  I have the flabby post gym membership booty to prove it, and that makes me sad.

3)  Wine of the week club.  Imagine the possibilities.  Wine delivered weekly to my front door.  So much more useful that a fruit of the month.  Add a chocolate of the week to go along with it and it would be way too perfect.  SIGN ME UP!  Oh yeah, I also need some wine glasses…

I want one. Or two. These are from a local winery here in Ioway.

4)  Mandatory Massages– This would go nicely with the wine.  A certain time each week set aside for a nice massage.  No exceptions.  Hold my calls, I’m relaxing.  These would be given by my husband.  Or a person of his choosing.

5)  A deeper bathtub– I love to take baths.  My problem is that even if I fill our bathtub all the way up and lay down as far as I can in the water, certain, um,  parts of me are barely submerged.  And I am not a big person.  If Matt Muenster and Bath Crashers ever come to my town, look out!

I could go for this too.  That’s neat.  But this bathtub isn’t deep enough.

6)  Drawers that are not baskets-Imagine if you will a bedroom set with many drawers.  You slide the drawers open to get clothes.  You slide them closed after you take the clothes out.  Slide out, slide in, slide out, slide in.  It’s a dream of mine.  My dresser drawers do not function as drawers, but rather baskets that stack on top of each other.  Except for one-the one that has been fixed.  There are five more.  Waiting…  Waiting to be fixed.

7)  Unlimited ITunes downloads (or access to your CD collection so I can steal music from you, which is much cheaper)-Music is my thang, yo!  I have quite a collection of ditties all on one IPOD nano. I’m just getting warmed up.  There is so much I want, yet so little that I can afford.

8)  Clothes Shopping Spree-Realize that a shopping spree for you may be waaaay different than a shopping spree for me.  I shop at Goodwill, consignment shops, and clearance racks.  This may very well be the cheapest shopping spree ever.  The catch?  You have to watch my kids.

9)  Unlimited Time To Peruse Scrapbook Stores Plus Store Credit– I always get slapped with a time limit and  mocked when I go to these places.  An ADD person let loose in a scrapbook store may never come out.  That’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Too bad I can’t afford either of them right now. WAAAAAAAH!

10) Replacing the electronic things I keep putting off replacing to save money-A new printhead for my printer, and a memory card with tons of memory for my digital picture frame that does not cause my computer to crash when I attempt to add new images to it.  The whole purpose of the digital picture frame is to be able to ADD pictures to it, am I right?  My daughter hasn’t been two for a couple of years now.

11)  KITCHEN THINGS FIXED!!! Now I’m really stretching it (like I wasn’t before).  As I have shared recently, nothing in my kitchen really works right.  Last night I was trying to do the thing I hate most-DISHES of course.  I had the little sink plunger I had bought and was furiously plunging the sink I was rinsing dishes in because it backed up every time I ran water into it.  This is because my garbage disposal DOES NOT WORK.  Nor does my dishwasher.  You also take your life into your own hands every time you open my fridge because you just never know what’s going to come out of it at you.  That’s because there are multiple broken shelves and drawers in there.  Yeah, I could really use some appliance love right now.

That’s really, really nice. Now fix my dishwasher.

12) BLOG UPGRADE!  I got to thinking about this after I initially published it. Thought I’d throw it in here.  I’d love to be able to have my own domain and all of that fun stuff that you have to pay *GASP* money for.  I could do a whole lot more with more features and could customize it the way I wanted, not to mention would have unlimited space for images!   Just a thought.  Hint, hint.

That really IS it.  What would you ask for on your ultimate Christmas list?  I’ve seen some others around and I’m seeing some great ideas!  If you made your own list on your blog already I’d love for you to send me the link so I can read it too!

Sickety Sick Sickiness

On top of the twelve days of PMS coming to an end, it became very apparent yesterday when I got up that I was SICK.  Not just a little under the weather, sickety sick sickiness.  Like I can’t get up sickness.

I’m not sure what exactly got me up in the morning.  I know I didn’t WANT to get up because I was having a really fantastic dream.  At least I think it was fantastic because Tony Stark was in it, and I think we were volunteering or something together (do superheroes do volunteer work?  Or is being a superhero in itself volunteering).  There were lots of cups or something, so maybe it was a wedding instead.  Uh-oh, did I kill off Pepper Potts?  Don’t get me started on my whole IronMan Robert Downey Jr fascination because I don’t really understand it either.  The guy plays a jackass and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was one in real life too.  Then again I guess it wasn’t THAT good of a dream, because where were the rest of the Avengers?  At least the Thor admiration makes sense.  Anyway, I should have just stayed in bed.

We’re actually already on to Day 2 of Sickety Sick Sickiness.  You’ll have to excuse the typing. I’m trying to type while laying down.  Not an easy feat.  I can’t sit up because I may puke.  It’s a cruel joke, feminine monthly woes on top of a nasty virus.  Yeah, I’m laughing on the inside.

I haven’t been puking but I imagine this is the amount of sympathy that I probably would get from my cat…

I’m hot, I’m cold, I’m hot, I’m cold.  My stomach may rupture any moment-I may have one of those aliens in there.  I’ve slept on and off all day the last two days, trying to get back to figuring out what that dream was about.  At one point yesterday I went up and laid in bed, but that did no good because then I was joined by two little girls-a furry one and a not furry one.  They were not about to let me rest.  The dog lays on me when I’m downstairs.  He DOES NOT help the feeling hot issue.  I think he thinks I’m dying-he can’t handle that thought.  I DO feel like I’m dying.

I’m a MOM, and of course part of the job is pretty much no days off.  I must admit the kids have been pretty good.  My son had a no school day today, and he has done a pretty good job of keeping his sister somewhat entertained.  However, the house is worse of a shambles than usual.  My goodness this would be a great time to have that automated house that does everything for you.  I’ve TRIED to do stuff.  Last night I went in and tried to get supper started in between bouts of nausea and dizziness.  I didn’t get very far.  I was extremely happy today to find one clean pan to make the kids the last box of Kraft mac n cheese in the house.  Yay!  Easy lunch.  Back to the couch.  The fan is blowing right on me.  I can’t eat anything…  I tried.  The results were not pleasant.

So if there aren’t any entries on here for awhile, it’s because I died.  They can bury me in the garden with all the weeds.  While I’m laying here waiting for some relief maybe I can figure out what the heck that dream was all about…

So now this has me wondering-is being a superhero a form of volunteerism?

When I Was Crowned Queen

My crown, custom made just for me.

This week I became queen.

I’m not really sure what I’m queen of.  I am unsure of what I am actually ruling over.  One fact that I do know is that I have a crown.  It’s very sparkly (made of sparkly bulletin board borders from Dollar Tree) and is covered with beautiful jewels (the sticky ones).

I’m sure you can guess who made it for me.  There were ulterior motives involved.  She knows that if I am queen, then she is a princess.  I know this because she told me so.  You’ve got to love that blunt honesty.

I wonder if anyone has bothered to inform the cat that she has been dethroned?

That being said, I started thinking what I would do if I were queen?  And what would I like to be the queen OF?  I mean besides my house.  That obviously isn’t working, even with the crown.

When we were kids there was always the “Land of Dairy Queen” commercial on.  We would all stop whatever we were doing and oooo and ahhhh over the wonderful treats.  If I were to be a queen, I would think that would be my kind of place to rule.  People would be free to eat whatever they wanted and none of it would make them gain any weight.  No tricks, and no Oompa Loompas, because they really creep me out.

Sadly I could not find an image from that wonderful commercial. However, I will post this delicious image that has me drooling all over my laptop instead. Did I eat lunch today?

Or maybe I’d be more at home ruling a place like Naboo.  Not sure I’d like the headwear-some of it looks pretty heavy.  But she had a REALLY cool ship.

Hey, I didn’t know Queen Amidala had a cat! Cat Amidala…

Most of the Disney queens were evil, the famous ones anyway.  Ever notice that?  Noone cares about the non evil ones.

Oh come on, even the queen has to go sometime… What a very functional throne! I think I may request one.

What would I do as queen?  I’m glad you asked! Even if you didn’t, I’m going to tell you anyway.  Naptime in my kingdom would be mandatory.  EVERYONE must nap!  I would require a constant supply of Diet Sunkist Lemonade, because if the queen ain’t happy…  Walks would also be mandatory. My royal subjects must walk with me and keep a consistent pace, or risk banishment from the kingdom.  Football would only be viewed in the dungeon (our basement kind of resembles a dungeon, I could sooooo put a TV down there).  My castle would be automated, it would be like Fantasia except with better results.  I’d have a washer that retrieves the dirty laundry, loads itself, washes it, and then would load the dryer.  The dryer would dry the laundry AND fold it.  It would be really, really cool.  And the rest of the house would follow suit.  My favorite part of course would be the self cleaning toilet.  A self-cleaning castle.  How nice!  I really COULD lay around and eat bon bons all day.  I’ve never had a bon bon.  I’m thinking it would be something like a dark chocolate kiss on crack.

Sorry… I really must be hungry.  There goes my mind wandering again.  What was I talking about?  Ah yes…

The dress in my kingdom would be casual.  None of that fancy frou frou princessy stuff, except the crown.  This Queen shops at Eddie Bauer (the clearance rack) and Bass Pro.  No really, I do!  And we’d eat pasta.  LOTS of pasta. Because I really, really like pasta.  And veggie pizza with whole wheat crust.  Of course I wouldn’t have to make any of it.  The oven would do that, because remember it’s an automated castle.  And everyone will eat it and LIKE IT!  Or else they can take another mandatory nap.  There will be dessert every night, some sort of chocolate or ice cream related dessert, and it will have no calories because I said so.  That won’t matter anyway.  Since I will be Queen I will get to have a gym membership again, except that it will be MY gym.  Complete with a personal trainer who looks like Thor.  Oh heck, why not two personal trainers, the other one can look like Tony Stark.  Oh yes, and my carriage shall be a purple prius with a trunk that goes on forever.  That way I can go to Pier 1 and be able to put furniture in it.  And I won’t flush my keys down the toilet while I’m there.

No I meant without the suits. No they’d still be wearing clothes. I mean, oh never mind…

One final thing, no one shall interrupt the Queen on her phone…  that could quite possibly result in me yelling “OFF WITH HER HEAD!”

What would you do if you were Queen or King?  Come on over, I’m sure my daughter would gladly make you a crown.  Except you may have to supply your own jewels, I’m all out!