Pardon My French Ann Coulter, But You Suck!

This is a soapbox. I’m about to stand on it.

I’m not very funny today, this has been brewing in my head.  I’m paying a pretend visit to Ann Coulter, in my head of course.  This is what I’d like to say.

Hi Ann!  How are you?  Can I have a few minutes of your time?  What?  You don’t want to talk to a little person like me?  Well too bad, I’m going to talk anyway.  What’s this thing I’m carrying?  Don’t you know what a soapbox looks like?  All these years in politics and you’ve never seen an actual soapbox? I’m going to put it down right here and stand on it.  Don’t knock me off.

Now that I’ve had a few hours or so to collect my thoughts before I did this, I have stuff to say.  I don’t usually stick my nose in politics, because I don’t like to rock the boat.  I vote.  I do what I’m supposed to as an American citizen.  And I stay quiet for the most part.  But what you said, or rather “tweeted” the other day quite frankly royally pissed me off.  I have a lot of names I could call you, but then that would just bring me down to your level, and that’s not nice.

What has happened to the people of our nation?  When did we stop respecting each other?  When did we lose our manners?  When I was a kid you respected people who were in authority, whether you liked them or not!  Adults may have disagreed, but they disagreed respectfully.  No wonder our nation is in trouble.  It has nothing to do with who our president is, or what party is in office, or who controls everything.  It’s all about attitude and respecting each other.

You think that just because you were born blonde, tall, and beautiful that you can push people around when they don’t see things your way (though you may only be 4’5″ for all I know.) You think that because you had all the right breaks in life that it’s ok to bully people.  I’m just a Mom of two who doesn’t have a job, who didn’t make all the right decisions, whose trying to make things better, but I’m a bigger person than you. I’m part of that middle class that is disappearing, who sacrificed while her husband went to school to make a better life for his family after working for factories that were closing their doors.  I’m part of those families who lives paycheck to paycheck, because all of our extra money goes into our gas tank so my husband can drive two hours a day to pay our bills.  I’m one of those people saddled with massive student loan debt between myself and my husband, because I thought that going to school to get my degree was the right thing to do.

It’s people like you that make others think it’s ok to act like a big bully.  It’s people like you that make people like me, who appear just a little bit different, feel like we have no place in this world.  That rather than let someone make the right decisions, talk them into other things and then laugh as they fail.  It’s people like you that don’t give others a fair chance.  It’s people like you that make my son feel like being bullied every day is normal, and that it’s ok to act like those kids.

I worked for three years in special education.  That beautiful little girl I worked with was a ray of sunshine, who lit up rooms when she walked in, whose laugh and smile and sunny outlook are contagious.  She is who you were mocking when you made that remark.  I hope that she never has to know that word that you used.  You messed with the wrong group of people.  Parents of special needs kids are some of the strongest people you will ever know.  I hope you rue the day you made that remark.

I hope you’re happy.  I’m sure you are, because I’m sure you got the attention you wanted by once again opening your mouth and making other people angry and hurt.  You don’t know how happy that would make me to know that there is one little twinge of remorse in that ugly black thing that you call a heart.  My hope for you is that you learn to start respecting other people.  By the way, respect is when you value other people’s point of views, when you show regard for someone and their feelings, when you accept people for who they are.  I looked it up, even though I already know what it means, because I check my sources.

Ann Coulter, you suck.  I’m done, that’s all I’ve got.

I never actually said it because I’m better than that.

My Husband Won’t Read My Blog And Other Random Stupid Stuff

My husband won’t read my blog.  At least I don’t think he’s read it.  At one point he hollered “I just read it!”  How could he do that in twelve seconds?  I thin he’s lying.

Why is it so critical that one of the most important people in my life takes a look at what I’ve so carefully crafted?  I really have no idea.  And what would he say to me if he did?  Give me a high five?  Sign me up for a writing class?  Throw something at me?  Tell me that he doesn’t yearn for meat nearly as much as I have led the world to believe?  Not sure…

In other news, I think I’m doing this all wrong.  A couple of nights ago while waiting for the Ambien to kick in I googled “How to get more people to read your blog”.  This is what I learned:

1)  Find your audience.  I didn’t know they were missing.  Seriously, I was more thinking that I just need to get stuff out there and put down what’s in my head, as scary as that may be.  I guess whoever likes it, well, that’s my audience.  Glad I found you.

2)  Dark colored background…BAD.  Oh nooooooooooo… if your blog is dark no one will ever read it.  Nice.  Honestly, I looked high and low for a background I really liked.  Sorry Charlie, I like the particular theme I chose, Dusk to Dawn.  Nothing else on WordPress seemed to fit my personal style.  After reading this, I actually went into the themes and looked again.  I still don’t like any of the others.  Dark is me (well, actually I’m quite pale.)

3)  Tweet.  I don’t.  I know everyone is doing it.  I just don’t feel a need to do it.

4)  Simplify.  Did you know that in this day and age people don’t actually READ blogs?  They SCAN them.  That’s news to me, because I still read stuff.

5)  Use images to break up text.  Because it’s really hard work to see all of those words.  Sometimes I use pictures and sometimes I don’t.  Depends on what I’m trying to do.  I could just find random pictures and put them in to break stuff up, like this…

This is toilet paper.

What’s really super awesome is that if I choose to use this as my only image in here that will be the “featured image” for this post.  I like that.  I like toilet paper.

6)  Unless you’re famous, no one reads personal blogs anymore.  Well that does it.  Guess I’m gonna have to get famous.  I’m still not going to tweet.

I really DO want people to read my blog, because I want them to be entertained.  It’s cheaper than therapy.  It’s also great to get feedback.  It’s nice to be appreciated.  I made a page on Facebook, put it out there for family and friends, and try to at least try to attract a handful or so of people who might enjoy my warped humor.

I still don’t get how I’m really supposed to use tags.  I’ve read a bunch of stuff, and I don’t have the patience to watch the video tutorials.  So I just pick random stuff and use it as a tag.  Probably not the thing you’re supposed to do, eh?  Despite my unwillingness to watch a video, through my persistence I have figured out some awesome features on WordPress.  You can see the countries people are from that view your blog.  I don’t know why, but I think that is very neat!  So far I have people from the US, Canada, Australia, India, and Norway.  Not bad for just a few days of being public.  Maybe I am famous after all.

I’ve recovered from my self proclaimed “Idea Diarrhea” and am now afflicted with some sort of brain constipation (and have no cool name for it).  I have some random stuff in my head but when it comes out it doesn’t come out right.  Is there a sort of stool softener for your brain?  Or brain fiber?  If there is, please tell me where to get it…