March Secret Subject Swap Take One: Sparkly Rainbows Meet the Imperial Stormtroopers

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Welcome to Take One of March’s Secret Subject Swaps. This week, 15 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts. 

My subject is “You’ve followed the rainbow and found the pot, but it’s not gold in there, it’s . . .” submitted by Baking in a Tornado.

Thank goodness the cat goes in the litter box.

Ah March.  The time of year where we celebrate things like Spring, green beer, good luck, little green men, and pots of gold at the end of the rainbow.  I thought it only appropriate that I receive a prompt where I talk about what I might actually find at the end of the rainbow.  Me being the mistress of the random thought, now embark upon this in my own personal style.

As a child I used to think magical thoughts about things in nature.  I believed that when it thundered that angels were bowling.  I believed that when there were clouds and there was light shining through that someone’s soul was going to heaven.  Come on, if you’re my age you most likely at least saw a commercial for Highway to Heaven.  You know, Michael Landon?  Pa Ingalls?  Anyone? Anyone?

Anyway, although that stuff was all well ingrained in my head I don’t ever remember learning much about leprechauns or pots of gold at the end of the rainbow.  First of all, why on earth would you put a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?  Gold is so valuable, I’m sure that whoever possesses it would put it anywhere but there, in a place that is waaaay more secure.  Not only that, but I think that if there would be something there it would be something more colorful, like rainbow sherbet, don’t you?

As a child I used to love rainbows.  I had lots of things with rainbows on them.  Growing up in the 80s, there was plenty of that stuff to go around.  I remember having something (maybe it was a book bag?) that said “Rainbows are my favorite color.”  I found one of my sticker books that was complete with many rainbow stickers as well as scratch and sniff and those stickers you touched to make them change color.

This is all so very weird to me, because I remember being more into Star Wars than sparkly glittery things.  And the Dukes of Hazzard.  And the A-Team.  Call me diverse.  Nah, just call me plain weird.

My daughter is four and happens to love rainbows.  And unicorns.  And glittery things.  Unicorns and glitter…  what was I talking about again?  She also loves playing Star Wars and superhero action figures with her brother, but usually prefers the pink and sparkly to the “boy” things.  Now that I think about it, the action figures are usually hanging out with ponies or the Hello Kitties.  Remember, it’s a scary world where the kitties have to fight the bad guys who take their candy.  I think if there were sparkly pink stormtroopers that she would be thrilled beyond belief.  A lavender Death Star?  It would be her utopia.  I can’t make this stuff up, it’s all totally true.

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Hello Kitties struggling to survive in their scary post-apocalyptic world.

Here are some recent comments she has made to me.  “Mommy, I want you to find the GIRL books for me.”  Translation-books that are pink or have a girl or a cute animal somewhere on the cover.

“Mommy I like action figures but I only want the girl ones.”  The girl ones are hard to find, believe me, I’ve tried.

I recently had to threaten her to get her to start putting her socks in the hamper.  I told her that if she didn’t start getting them put where I could find them to wash them that I would pull out all of her brother’s old socks and make her wear them.  That was quite a catalyst!  She didn’t want to wear “ugly boy socks”.  We haven’t run out of socks since.

And to go right along with this post-her favorite socks?  Her rainbow socks-striped socks with virtually every color in every hue on them!  See, it all may be random but it all has a reason for being in here…

Oh.  You’re probably wondering what I think I would find instead of gold at the end of the rainbow?  Unicorn poop, of course.  Unicorns fart glitter and poop rainbows.  What else would you find at the end of the rainbow?

unicorn farts glitter

I wrote a whole post on unicorns, unicorn farts, and unicorn poop.  Find out what I said by clicking here.

(Karen at Baking in a Tornado now has a reason to ban me from her Secret Subject Swaps forever!)

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

http://www.BakingInATornado.com

http://chewylicious.wordpress.com/

http://smn0409.blogspot.com/

http://dinoheromommy.com/

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/

http://followmehome.shellybean.com

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/

http://lifeonthesonnyside.blogspot.com/

http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com

http://www.tinystepsmommy.com

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/

http://www.amotherlife.com

https://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com/

http://mybrainonkids.net/

http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/

If Unicorns Fart Glitter And Poop Rainbows, Where Does Glitter Glue Come From?

This morning I told my daughter that unicorns fart glitter.  There was no particular reason for that.  It just launched out of my mouth.  I’m waiting for that one to come back to haunt me.  Probably during the children’s sermon on Sunday.  Gee, and I didn’t even think about them pooping rainbows.

My kids’ teachers are sooooooo going to hate them.  Call it my vendetta against public education.  You shun me, I’ll turn my kids and their big mouths lose on you.  Not really, it’s just the same stuff that runs rampant on my posts on here.  When I’m out in public and the social anxiety kicks in, a lot of people probably don’t even know I can talk.  But when I’m at home in my comfort zone, bizarre stuff comes out of my mouth.  It’s like the kid in me never quite went away, and I am sure that all of this will eventually come back to haunt me some day when my kids start blabbing to the teachers.

The Professor already has a serious problem with saying whatever flies into his brain, it then swoops right down out of his mouth.  This summer we were at Princess Defiant’s swim lessons.  Since he has a serious fear of any water that’s deeper than a couple of feet, he took private lessons and therefore played in the wading area while she was swimming.  He didn’t seem to notice that all of the other children there were a third of his age.  He DID notice the adults, and talked to them, nonstop, the entire time.

I was engrossed in watching my daughter when I overheard my son say to one of the parents, “You know, there are words that I can’t say.  Bad words.  My Dad says them, but he says I can’t.  I think that when I’m in third grade, I’ll be old enough to start saying those words.”  I quickly jumped up and put an end to that conversation before he started reciting all of those words that he’s not allowed to say.

Princess Defiant is still in the “Hey, Hey, HEY I Want To Be The Center Of The Attention And I’ll Say Anything To Get It” Phase.  Luckily, most of what comes out of her mouth is pretty tame.  Sometimes a little weird, and of course I have to jump in and offer an explanation (to which people think “Hey, she CAN TALK?”)  Most recently it had to be during library storytime.  Our awesome children’s librarian was reading a story, and I could hear my daughter over there saying “Hey, HEY!  GUESS WHAT?  Hey! I have something to tell you!”  I turn around and shush her.  I’m not sitting with her, because she wants me to be invisible unless she has to go to the bathroom.  She wants to be ALONE at the library during storytime, like her brother.  Anyhoo, me shushing from across the room is about as effective as me shushing her from somewhere two blocks away, because she keeps going.  Finally, she says in her loudest but not quite yelling voice, “I MADE A ZAMBONI!”

THAT got everyone’s attention.  The librarian and the good parents in the reading area all turned and looked at me.  I laughed nervously and told them it was something she made out of a box.  Everyone turned back around, but I got some straaaaaaaange looks.  Since I was already looking for my perfect nonexistent future employer on my laptop anyway, I pulled up the picture and showed them after storytime.  I still got some strange looks, but also some impressed ones too.  This was all her idea.  I simply supplied the box, paper, and toilet paper tubes.  Want to know how to make your very  own zamboni?  Oh, we have the goods right here.

For the record, this is what started all the zamboni business. I still don’t think she really knows what a zamboni is.

Kind of on the subject, I wonder what would happen if she saw a pile of glitter.  Would she think that a unicorn had visited?  For that matter, if unicorns fart glitter and poop rainbows, is she going to wonder where glitter glue comes from?  Ooooooooh, I really won’t go there.