Beneath the Clearance Rack: A Tale of Unresolved Writer’s Block

Did you know that every month you can be a part of something truly unique?  Karen of Baking in a Tornado regularly allows me to participate in the various writing challenges that she hosts and doesn’t tell me to hit the road.  At least she hasn’t yet.  If she’ll let me do it, by golly she’ll let anyone in. 

Use Your Words is one such challenge where participating bloggers provide four to six words or phrases.  These are then assigned to another blogger who can then tear his or her hair out trying to figure out how to use them in a coherent post.  These posts are simultaneously published at the same time so that you, the reader, can take in their amazingness like smelling apple pie right out of the oven.  I’m also tired and haven’t slept so I am using analogies very poorly.

That’s right.  It ain’t easy.  But yet I keep coming back every month…

This month my words were big ~ fast ~ ink ~ teddy bear ~Rumpelstiltskin ~ fart.  Oh that’s right.  One of my words was fart.  And I used it correctly in a sentence.

They were submitted by: http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com

Can’t.Write.Anything.  Nope.  Not a thing.

Once upon a time in a land not so far away there was a problem.  Not just a big problem, but a huge, gigantic enormous problem.

No matter how fast she scribbled, no matter how fast she typed,  the writer could not get the words to come out right.

She tried different kinds of ink, she tried different kinds of paper.  She even tried drinking different kinds of alcohol. No matter what she did her writing was all in vain.

She spent her nights sobbing, clutching her teddy bear, and drinking copious amounts of caffeine, hoping and praying that the words would somehow return.

“Why, why me?  Why must I be a victim of this horrible brain constipation?  Could I at least be lucky enough to have one giant word fart to relieve myself?”

All at once there was a deafening noise and a little man appeared on her keyboard.

“Who are you, Rumplestiltskin?”

Apparently this angered the little man so much he punched her in the nose and disappeared.

Later on that same evening after a binge of pretzels and various caffeinated beverages another person appeared to her.  This time she decided to keep her mouth shut, which was fine because it was actually full of pretzels.

“Follow the light.  You know the one. The red and white light in a perfect circle.  This holds the key to all that you know or think you know.”

(And she may or may not have been watching Willow earlier that evening.)

So she got in her car and went to Target.

So yeah. Target holds all of life’s secrets.

The writer may not have found the words she was looking for.  But she did find underwear for $1.74, chocolate for 30% off, and a package of brightly colored lined paper which she never did use.  But that’s ok, because it was on clearance.

The moral of the story is that you may not be able to find the words you’re looking for, but you can certainly find something that you’re not looking for.  Just go to Target.  You’ll see.

This post has been brought to you by a severe case of writer’s block brought on by severe insomnia, too many pretzels, and perhaps one too many trips to Target in one week.  But you can also read posts by people who can actually produce coherent sentences when they try to write a blog post by clicking on one of the links below.

Seriously.  You just gonna sit there or are you going to click on one or two or all of those links?  Sheesh.  And I thought I procrastinated…

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                              Baking In A Tornado

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                     Stacy Sews and Schools

http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com/                                   Sparkly Poetic Weirdo

http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com                       Evil Joy Speaks 

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                            Someone Else’s Genius

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/        Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                            Follow me home . . .

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com               The Bergham’s Life Chronicles   

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                                Battered Hope   

Use Your Words: Color Me BAD!

Do you remember when you were little and your mother told you to stop throwing that tantrum and USE YOUR WORDS?

This is nothing like that.

Welcome to the August edition of the Use Your Words blogging challenge, hosted by the lovely and ever so wordy queen of the baking universe Karen of Baking in a Tornado.  Today’s participants have carefully chosen 4-6 words that are then assigned to another blogger to weave into one entertaining post!  Check out the links below this post to see how other bloggers are using their words!

My words were:  Humidity ~ Frizz ~ smurf ~ Walk Like an Egyptian

They were submitted by the delightful and not really so villainous Joy of Evil Joy Speaks!

This year in an attempt to be physically fit I made a decision that I was going to run a 5K.  After all, my husband was training for a half marathon, and it only made sense that I would subject myself to bodily torture by signing up for something that I might actually have to do some running in.

After months of making excuses, I finally gave in and signed up for one.  Not just any 5K, The Color Run, otherwise known as the Happiest 5K on the Planet.  Not only did I sign up, I created a team.  And people even signed up to be on this team.

And then my husband said I needed to run it.  In July.  When it’s hot.  The good feeling?  Definitely gone, replaced by panic and fear.

Keep in mind that I don’t run, I walk.  And though I understand that many people that sign up to do these things actually do walk the whole thing, it really made sense that maybe I should push myself a little.  No I wasn’t going to Walk Like An Egyptian, I was going to try to run the damn thing.

This Spring I prepared by doing the 5K right here in town.  I literally had to open the door and walk a couple of blocks to be there.  I also had to take my children with me.  It turned out ok, don’t get me wrong, but I think it would have been better to have done it alone.  Kids think you are tormenting them when you make them do any physical activity, let alone walk 3.1 miles.  I chronicled the event here if you care to take a gander.

Time flew and before I knew it the weekend of the Color Run was upon us.  I had been home all summer with my kids, and let’s face it, physical fitness and training and all that stuff was not really happening. Because that would be active, and being active is silly.

And my team? Most of them chickened out.  They had excuses, but they still chickened out.  Luckily, my husband rose to the occasion and filled in.  After all, he ran a half marathon, this would be like the buzzing of flies to him, right?

Let me explain a little more about this race.  When you run the Color Run, you start out wearing all white, like below.

BEFORE… see? White.

Then you walk or run and they throw colored powder at you at several places along he way.  That’s right, they THROW STUFF AT YOU!

What was I thinking?

But you know what?  I ran about half of it.  That’s a huge accomplishment for me.  Considering I didn’t really get to train, that’s pretty darn good.  And I didn’t die.

Luckily, we got done before it got too hot and the humidity caused my hair to frizz too badly.  I was pretty colorful when we got done, luckily I didn’t end up looking like a smurf like so many pictures I’ve seen from this race!

… And after. This is okay because purple is my favorite color.  I even had color in my teeth!

I had color in my hair, in my teeth, in my snot, and in places all over my body that I am not even going to begin to mention.  But it was fun. And you know what?  I’m definitely going to do it again next year!

Next 5K is the Glow Run in October.  That will be fun.  And maybe, just maybe, I might get to train for this one with the kids back in school!

What words are my peeps using today on their blogs?  Check it out by clicking on the links below!!!!!

http://Bakinginatornado.com                                       Baking In A Tornado

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://themomisodes.com                                      The Momisodes

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/               Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://www.JuiceboxConfession.com                             Juicebox Confession

http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com                 Evil Joy Speaks

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                   Follow me home . . .

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                       Someone Else’s Genius

http://www.crumpetsandbollocks.com                       Crumpets and Bollocks

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com              The Bergham’s Life Chronicles

Lego My Sanity: A Bit of a Rant

Welcome to this month’s Use Your Words Challenge!  Bloggers participating in this challenge literally get to swap words to use in their posts, and the resulting masterpieces are all published at the same time for the world to read! 

The words I was given this month are: White ~ Table ~ Legos ~ Hair Brush ~ Tube

They were submitted by: http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/

Be sure to see what other bloggers came up with by following the links at the bottom of the post.  Now read on for my little rant!

They get it honest. Honest.  I’m constantly reminded just how mean I am because I did not permit him to purchase this $400 set.

In case you haven’t figured out by reading some of my older posts, we are a lego family.

I love legos, because they encourage creativity and problem solving and all of that jazz for two children who would rather be parked in front of a television most of the time.  My kids would be content to play with legos all day long some days.  That’s cool, because it keeps them well entertained.

I also hate legos, because my children never pick them up.

Apparently legos are so much fun that we can never be done playing with them completely.  “But I’m not finished yet!” are the words of protest met most often when we have to quit building to do silly things like eat your supper, go brush your hair with a hair brush so you don’t look like an orphan child when we leave the house, or get ready for bed.

They were delighted when the Easter Bunny delivered these guys.

We tried establishing a specific area in the room adjacent to our living room where the legos could congregate.  There is a table set up specifically for building with legos, but instead it functions more as another place to put legos that are not being used.  The legos that are “being used” are all over the floor.

A perfect example of what really grinds my gears when the legos are out:  The Princess must only use white legos to construct her house of awesomeness.  That means that approximately 90% of the other legos must be thrown aside as she searches for those particular bricks.  On the floor.  Where they can be stepped on.

Imagine my chagrin when my husband gave in to the children’s request to bring the BIG container of legos in from storage.  So instead of just two somewhat large containers we bought at Christmas time, we also have one giant rubbermaid tub that has been sitting in the living room for quite some time.  It’s currently off limits.  Because Mom is tired of stepping on legos.  And Mom is mean.

Whoever put this up must be a parent with at least two young children.

Yep that’s right.  Currently I play the role of the bad guy because I’m constantly threatening to donate the legos lying about in the play room to a child who will take care of them and because I won’t run out and buy them a copy of The LEGO Movie.

Why haven’t I bought the LEGO movie?  Do I really want to hear “Everything is Awesome” 12000 times a day?  It’s already bad enough that I hear “Where’s my pants?” constantly.  I’m sure I’ll break down eventually-maybe when school has started and we aren’t together 24/7.

My solution to the LEGO problem naturally  would be  a big vacuum  tube.  Simply put it in the center of the room and all the bricks would be sucked up, kind of like that thing on the sand crawler on Star Wars.  You know, the one that sucks up R2D2?  Wouldn’t that horrible?  Not permanently, of course, just sucked back into their big old container.  Or to just take all the legos and make one big long road with them.  Instead of telling people to follow the yellow brick road, it would be to follow the lego brick road!  Sorry kids, you can’t use those bricks, it’s part of my road so people can find stuff.

Thank you for joining me for my little rant.  Now I want to hear from you.  Do your children possess a toy that you both love and hate? Is there something that your kids simply will not pick up no matter what you threaten?  I’d love to know that I’m not alone.

http://bakinginatornado.com                                Baking In A Tornado

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                      Stacy Sews and Schools

http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com/                              Sparkly Poetic Weirdo

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/         Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com                        Dates 2 Diapers 2

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/                  The Bergham’s Life Chronicles

http://themomisodes.com                                    The Momisodes

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                   Someone Else’s Genius

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                 Follow me home . . .

http://www.crumpetsandbollocks.com             Crumpets and Bollocks

The Bog of Undetermined Stench: Tight Pants Not Included

This month in an effort to get my butt back to writing, I took part in a new challenge hosted by the brilliant mistress of mouthwatering recipes Karen of Baking in a Tornado.  The peeps involved in this group post picked 4-6 words or short phrases for someone else to turn into a masterpiece.  Each word is used at least once, and each blogger receives their own unique set of words submitted by another blogger.

Fun?  Of course! I received the following words to use in this post:  unexplained phenomena ~ beastly ~ evidence ~ hair ~ investigative journalist ~ backwoods

They were submitted by the lovely Robin at Someone Else’s Genius!

In my house these days there is this unexplained phenomena known as the “undetermined stench”.  This is not to be confused with the bog of eternal stench, believe me there is no David Bowie in tight pants dancing around singing about it.

And that is such a pity.  This smell just may very well merit a song or two in tight pants.  However since we don’t have actually own any such things in our house, you’ll have to settle for me typing this in yoga pants.

Being the mother of two children with questionable toileting habits as well as working in child care for more than ten years, you would think that I would have built up considerable tolerance to all things stinky.

As it turns out not so much.

You see, much like the piles of laundry and the legos that seem to breed in the playroom, I seem to be the only one who even takes note of this foul fetor.  I notice it most when I first return to my house after being gone.  I come inside and start running around the house, smelling everything in my quest to figure out what the heck that beastly stench is and where it’s coming from!  Despite all the evidence that my nose seems to be gathering, I’m at a loss.

I can’t say it’s my power of super smell, because if that’s the case don’t you think I’d already have located it?

I shouldn’t be surprised, after all my abode seems to be the breeding ground for all kinds of hair-cat hair, dog hair, human hair.  Why not add a bit of funky smell to the mix as well?

At one point this week I attacked my couch, convinced that there was some sort of evil stanky force at work.  I washed everything that was washable, vacuumed and febrezed what was left.  While it gave my mind a little rest, the next time I came downstairs, there was that icky smell!

Nooooooooooo!

The sink with its neverending pile of dishes doesn’t always smell so wonderful, it would certainly help if Evil Genius would replace the leaky garbage disposal with the brand new one in the box.  The one sitting next to the cupboard that the cat uses as a perch to stare at us from.

But I figured that’s not where the stench is coming from either.

The basement has its own brand of special scent.  Yucky icky smelly we’ve had a little too much rain at a time loveliness.  And cat box.  Yet that is not the source of the p.u.

I’m quite close to throwing in the towel and hiring some sort of private eye or investigative journalist to sniff it out and expose this thing wide open.

I don’t know why I should be concerned.  After all, it was only this past Christmas that we were up to our ankles in our own deep doo doo in the aforementioned basement, thanks to the tree in the front yard and a few too many doses of miralax.  What smells worse than that?  My nose should have long thrown in the towel, er, kleenex, after inhaling that particular odor.  It was enough to make me want to live like they do in the backwoods… nothing to flush, just a hole in the ground.

Yes folks it’s a good mystery. One that may continue to confound me for the rest of my days before I simply run from the house screaming.  At least I’ll be out in the fresh air!

Do you have stink in your sink?  A smell where you dwell?  Is it simply your loo that smells like poo?  Or an undetermined stench in your bench?  I’d love to know.

I’d like the record to note that I came up with multiple synonyms for something that stinks.  Now, unplug your nose and read on to see what words my fellow writers utilized so splendiferously.

http://bakinginatornado.com                                Baking In A Tornado

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                      Stacy Sews and Schools

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/                      The Bergham’s Life Chronicles

http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                      Juicebox Confession

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/                    Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                     Someone Else’s Genius

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                      Battered Hope

http://www.healingtomato.com                         Healing Tomato

http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com             Evil Joy Speaks