The Day The Lights Went Out At Target

I have this recurring dream.  I’m at a store, and all of the lights go out and I’m totally in the dark.  This isn’t really a terrifying dream, unlike the ones I have where we have a tidal wave.  Totally unlikely as we live in Iowa.  If that ever happens, I’m moving.  More realistically, I also have lots of dreams about tornadoes.  And being naked, but never naked in a tornado.  Or a tidal wave.

snowpocalypse

Something like that is coming our way… must go to the store!

Because we have yet ANOTHER snowstorm coming our way, I popped into Target quickly to pick up a few things in between work and the 3000 other important things I needed to do.  As I have shared before, Target and all other civilization is in a nearby town.  I was in kind of a hurry, but never in too much of a hurry to check out those fabulous end caps with 30% off, 50% off, 70% off, and NINETY PERCENT OFF!

As I was making my way from the Valentine’s clearance to the shampoo aisle, this happened:

blankThat’s right, suddenly I was in complete darkness.  The lights went out completely. This was followed by a few moments of awkwardness. Then a light, then two, then ten, because smartphones!  Then the back up generators came on and were accompanied by… that’s right, the fire alarm.

What’s so amazing about that?  People, that’s what.  You’d think that 1) complete darkness followed by 2) a really loud fire alarm might get people moving.  But people kept shopping.

No, no, go ahead.  If there’s a fire you’ll burn up, that’s all.

This really, really bothered the former cashier in me (more than ten years in retail and no strange diseases contracted, thank you very much).  Hellooooo…. no one will be able to ring up your stuff.  Cash registers run on electricity people!

It wasn’t until some of the employees had to come around and assure people that while nothing seemed to be wrong other than the entire block shrouded in darkness and chaos,  they would have to leave since the fire alarms were going off.  They could put their names on their carts if they wanted to come back later.

I looked at my cart with a bottle of Miralax, a large bottle of ketchup, Craisins, my diet pop,  and two Valentine items that were 90% off and asked myself if it was really worth it to try and come back in a little bit.  It wasn’t.  So I left.

My kids were fascinated by this tale.  When I told them why I didn’t get anything in town today that was all they could think about.  They must have asked 1000 questions.
“Why did the lights go out at Target?”
“Were you scared?”
“Was there a fire?  Were the toys okay?”
“Did you die?”

That night I sat and looked at my dwindling supply of diet pop and flirted with the idea of driving all the way back to town to retrieve my precious Diet Sunkist Lemonade at the low low price of 3 for $10.

Nah…

Later on today when we are sitting at home in the middle of the next blizzardpocalypse I may very well regret that decision.  I’m lucky though because t least I’ll have some entertainment this evening.  Ironically, tonight at 8:30 pm EST there is a very special event going on. Got snow?  Got kids?  Want to gripe about the snow… and maybe the kids too?  Click on the image below to be taken to a magical place-the Moms Who Write and Blog website!

1780212_10152644617652796_746900889_oPS-If there is some kind of award for writing posts with Target as the subject I so think I need it…

Get Out of My Dreams, Get Into My…Purse (At Target)

guinea pig dream

This weekend I have been busily preparing for a library event that will occur on Monday afternoon.  There is no school in our district tomorrow, and since we are trying to hold more programs when there are early outs and no school, I devised this idea of having a day of “fall fun”.  I told kids to BYOP-Bring Your Own Pumpkin-to decorate.  There will also be hot apple cider in my crockpot, some crafts, some little games, and kids are allowed to wear their costumes.  Fun, right?

I am freaking out.

I have no idea what kind of turn out there will be and whether or not we will be able to keep them occupied.  When I obsess over things, I tend to a) Not sleep at all b) Have bizarre dreams c)  Sleep some and have bizarre dreams when I do sleep.

I have a feeling I’ll be having some sort of weird dream or two tonight.  And in anticipation of that I started putting together a post of dreams.  After I have weird dreams I write down what I remember in a draft here on WordPress.  As I looked through my site, I saw I had quite a few drafts.  I figured that I hadn’t written about any of my weirdo dreams in quite a while.  Those of you who have followed my blog for quite some time may recall that yeah, I have had some dreams that are pretty freaky!

What kind of dreams?  Well, for example, earlier this year in an obvious attempt by my psyche to prepare for the CMT Awards (which I didn’t watch) I had a dream about Blake Shelton.

Ok you horndogs, not THAT kind of dream…

For those of you who are new to my blog, this is the part where you will probably want to stop following me and run and hide lest you let people know that you follow a weirdo like me.

So for you who are not too afraid to keep reading here is a brief synopsis of the dream:

I dreamed that Blake Shelton was married to Sandra Bullock.  They moved here and bought a farm near me. Then they adopted a girl from China and enrolled her at the preschool that I worked at. Only it wasn’t a preschool, yet it WAS a preschool, in a Kmart.

I only hesitated to share this previously because I am deathly afraid of Miranda Lambert coming here and bashing my head in with her guitar.  She could totally do that because I’m convinced that she’s somehow related to Christopher Lambert…

A couple of weeks ago I dreamed that I had to go to my child’s elementary school with my husband. In my pajamas. When I returned home, I saw that my cat was missing part of her tail.  It was gone-chopped off.  I started bawling.  “My poor cat!”  I cried as a stepped into my living room group shower. All the while tornado sirens were going off.  The sky was black.  But you know I had to take that shower RIGHT THEN.

(You’d really think that whole living room shower thing would have made me realize that “Hey, this is a DREAM!”  Nope.  I never realize it until I wake up.)

I’ve also had dreams that involved me traveling around with a cat in my purse and going to someone’s house and leaving with one of their shoes and one of my shoes on my feet.

dream meaningIf my psyche really does have something to say, here are some facts according to my dreams:

All roads lead to Target (I really do have a lot of dreams about Target, it’s kind of disturbing when you think about it.)

Tony Stark is an excellent dancer.  We also volunteer together on a regular basis (Don’t ask, I don’t get it either.)

Toilets are only in the middle of rooms.

School and work are places that I am always going but never actually get to.  However, a lot of times I wind up at Target.  Shocker.

Random celebrities help me break into buildings.

Veterinarians drive “veterinarian vans” that are fully furnished on the inside.  Yes, at Target.

Hidden trap doors are common escape routes in your house.

My husband is going to find out that deep dark secret that apparently I keep under the pillow in my bedroom.

Nudity is not the exception to the rule, even at Target.

What kind of weird dreams do YOU have?  Are celebrities involved?  I’d love to hear all about it…

IMG_1725

Is she going to have bizarre dreams like me when she grows up?

I Broke Into a Building With Milo Ventimiglia

This guy helped me break into a building.  Not for real, of course.  How weird and random.

This guy helped me break into a building. Not for real, of course. How weird and random.

Happy Monday morning!  It’s been awhile since I’ve had a really bizarre “where the heck did that come from” dream.  A couple of nights ago I had one.  It was weird.  Really weird.  And I wasn’t even sitting on a toilet this time.  For your Monday morning displeasure, I thought I’d share.

The place where I taught preschool when my son was little is considering adding a teacher if their enrollment goes up.  So it’s been on my mind.

In my dream I had agreed to work afternoons for them.  From 2-5 or something.  Where were my children?  I’m not sure.  On this particular day in my dream I had to go do this for the first time.  Then for some reason I couldn’t make it.  But I had their van.  Why did I have their van?  So I couldn’t make it to work, but I could go return their van.  Makes sense, right?

For some reason it was nighttime the entire dream.  All day long.

dream kitty

So I set out to take their van back. When I worked for this daycare we would take the kiddos out on field trips in these great big vans.  Putting in and taking out all the car seats was a nightmare, pun intended.  But why would I take the van home?  I must have been thinking of my LAST job.  Since I was expected to go all over the world to teach these classes, in order to not use my own gas I had to take one of their huge gas guzzling vehicles.  This makes so much sense for an organization that is one the brink of financial disaster.  ANYHOO-sometimes if I was teaching a class three hours away I would swap my vehicle with theirs the night before since I lived out of town.  Then I could get at 5 am and hop in and drive.

It was enormous inside (the van in my dream, not the one in real life).  There was a tv, and a refrigerator, and furniture.  Before I could go take the van back to the daycare center, first I had to go get a key from some business downtown.  Only I didn’t have a key to this building that I had to get the key out of.  So naturally I had to break in.

This is where Milo Ventimiglia comes in.  I love the last name, try saying it three times fast.  If you are a Gilmore Girls fan, you know him as Jess, the bad boy nephew that Rory dumps Dean for.  Or you may also know him as the guy who usurped other people’s powers on Heroes.  Or if you saw That’s My Boy he was the brother who was sleeping with his sister because “good-looking people” are just supposed to do that…  I’m not like a huge fan or anything, it was quite a random person.  If I had chosen a break in buddy, surely Robert Downey Jr would have helped me.  After all, he does have an Iron Man suit.

Not really Iron Man...

Not really Iron Man…

So anyway, regardless of what show he was in or why he was in this dream he helped me break into this building.  And we got the key.  But we didn’t leave.  We stayed and ate snacks and watched tv.  This is because isn’t that what you always do after you break and enter into a building, you eat snacks?  Later on I eventually got the van back to the school.  No one was there except for the weird janitor guy who vacuums in the dark.  That part is true-when I worked there we really did have a guy that vacuumed in the dark!  Then my alarm went off.  I got up thinking “huh?”  I was relieved it was just a dream, because I really hate missing or being late to work, and breaking and entering too (I figured I’d better clarify that).

It’s certainly not one of the weirdest dreams I’ve had.  I’m happy that I kept my clothes on throughout the whole dream.  Usually there’s nakedness on my part that I have to hide in strange ways.  I’ve said before that anyone who analyzes dreams would have quite a heyday talking to me about the weird stuff I dream about.

Have you ever had one of those weird dreams that make you go huh?

dream meaning

Oh yeah, and don’t forget to vote for me in the 25 Top Funny Mom Blogs at Circle of Moms… You can vote once every 24 hours until February 13th when the whole thing ends.  I think I’m still pending this morning, but later today will be under the Top Blogs tab, probably way at the bottom!  Vote Here:  Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms