We Can’t Just Shop Like Normal People

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It seems that these days we can’t do anything like normal people-everything we do turns into a story.  Take this weekend when we went shopping.  This was because Evil Genius needed pants.  More specifically, he needed jeans that weren’t torn and stained.  Since we had our income tax return and a little time yet before we had to part with the majority of it, we decided we’d take the plunge and go get this taken care of.  I must clarify that he does not wear just any jeans.  Levis 550s are the only ones that he really likes and that actually hold up for a long time.  They are very hard to find in the right size-apparently there must be lots and lots of guys running around in the same size that he wears.  He’s so darn specific-because of this we decided to go straight to the big malls in Des Moines instead of hitting the little one in Ames.  Included in our adventure was child stealing and the possibility that my husband may become a Werecat.

In addition to shopping for jeans, we also went shopping for dresses and leggings for Princess Tantrum too.  This is because she is still trying to squeeze into a couple of 4Ts that are obviously way too small for her.  So did we buy any dresses? No.  Princess Tantrum walked into JCPenney, walked right up to a t-shirt with a big sparkly strawberry on it and said “I want this one.”  Never mind the fact that she has five t-shirts coming from Old Navy.  But this one was sparkly!

And there was other stuff…

I am still disappointed that the people that work at “The Gold Guys” are not actually gold people.  You know, like C-3PO.

The Professor was mesmerized by a slice of pepperoni pizza the size of his head that a little girl was eating.  He almost walked right into it.

Princess Tantrum thinks the “Justice” store is the most beautiful thing on Earth.  Everything is sparkly and there are so many lights.  She was disappointed to find out that she’s not actually big enough to wear the clothes just yet.  She’s planning on eating extra so she can start shopping there very soon.  I’ll take it-her other favorite store is Victoria’s Secret, because of all the sparklies on the bras.  I am very concerned about this child.

Do they actually sell guys shirts at Hollister?  I’m just wondering since all of their guys in the giant pictures are not wearing shirts.  I dared Evil Genius to strip his shirt off and go in there.  He declined.

I think I was stealth perfumed at Younkers.  How do they do that?

Evil Genius was disappointed that he went ahead and shaved when we saw a place that specialized in shaving.  One of the guys working in there had a handlebar moustache.  I think there was a bit of facial hair envy going on right then and there.

Princess Tantrum proved that she cannot walk through walls when she walked into a sign.  This was after she almost walked into about 15 other things.  Malls are apparently very interesting places.

I accidentally tried to steal someone’s child.  I grabbed who I thought was Princess Tantrum as we were walking through Scheels and told her to please move out of people’s way.  Only it wasn’t my daughter-it was another little girl about the same size as her, with about the same color of hair, who was also wearing a pink shirt.  Her mother acted horrified.  I’m not sure why because I gave her right back.

And the Werecat?  Evil Genius was attacked by a cat at the Animal Rescue League.  We stopped in just to look, and the last cat we visited with apparently was a wee bit overstimulated.  He set the cat on my lap and when Princess Tantrum reached down to pet him he went berserk.  There was screaming and hollering-then the ARL ladies whisked the kitty away.  As it turned out, the cat scratched him all over on his one hand.  Luckily, Princess Tantrum got nary a scratch on her, thank goodness.  Evil Genius swears he’s ok.  I pointed out that if he suddenly grew a lot of hair and started howling at the moon that would be when I’d start to worry.  He had another theory.  He figured symptoms would most likely include hissing at people, licking himself a lot, and falling asleep on fleece blankets.

We did find him jeans.  In fact we found him four pairs.  That never happens!


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