Revelations of a Weenie: What Scared Me The Most (But I Lived and Got Over It)

secretWelcome to the first round of this month’s Secret Subject Swap.  Can’t you hear the Mission Impossible theme song in the background?  That’s right, it’s about time I put all of that flute knowledge to good use!  Twelve bloggers and myself are simultaneously releasing our posts into the wild.  Once you’re done with my post, please please pretty please follow the links at the bottom and read their stories!  Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back.  Oh wait, you don’t pay to read these! How about your satisfaction is guaranteed or I will make silly faces to make you laugh, or at least pretend that you can see me through the computer…

My prompt is “What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?”  It was submitted by Moore Organized Mayhem.

Upon sitting down to write this, I turned to my husband and asked him “What do you suppose the scariest thing I’ve ever done is?”

He immediately replied:  “You married me.”

(By the way, I knew he was going to say that.)

Hey I DID have a waist at one time...

Hey I DID have a waist at one time…

In some respects that is very scary, but not the scariest thing I’ve  ever done.

Having kids.  That’s the scariest thing I’ve ever done.

Picture me years ago when I was but a young newly wedded lass.  I was terrified of the idea of having kids, not because I didn’t want them, but because I’m a weenie.  I was frightened of the whole pregnancy thing and the way it changes a woman’s body as it was.  But the thought of enduring the actual childbirth scared the pee out of me.  I don’t like pain of any kind, and really who does?

Since I was so terrified of the prospect of childbirth, naturally I got pregnant on the first try.  Once we decided we wanted a baby those sperm apparently couldn’t wait to get to their destination.  And even though I had finally decided it was worth the scariness and done the deed I was so freaked out by the idea of the actual labor that I didn’t want to hear ANY stories about childbirth.  I’m not saying that people didn’t still try to tell me, I was just one step away from sticking my fingers in my ears and singing at the top of my lungs at all times.  Being the wuss that I am I elected to take the breastfeeding preparation classes but declined to take the childbirth classes because I DID NOT want to know what was going to happen.  I mean, I knew WHAT was going to happen, I just didn’t want any details.

When I planned the whole birth thing, I was asked whether or not I was going to have drugs for the pain. I said SIGN ME UP.  Give me everything you have.  And I was still freaking out right up until the bitter end.

When I went into labor with The Professor, he had to announce his impending arrival with grand fashion.  My water broke all over the kitchen floor, only I didn’t know it, because I was gushing blood all over the house.  Nice, huh?  My husband calmly called the hospital, and they sent paramedics out to my house.

Oh, add to that we were having a blizzard at the time.

When they arrived, I was laying on the kitchen floor wrapped up in a blanket.  They came in and did their thing, but were having a hard time hearing the baby’s heartbeat.  Of course I was concerned about this, but I was also concerned about the state I would be arriving at the hospital in.  When I was informed that I would be taken by ambulance I had to inform them of the news:

“I’m not wearing any underwear!”  I said worriedly.

To which the female paramedic responded “Oh that’s okay honey, I’m not either.”

So we traveled by ambulance to the hospital.  In a blizzard.  And the freezing cold.

And yes, they found the baby’s heartbeat just fine.

Here I was so scared about the pain, but that’s not the part I really remember.  It’s funny how your mind works like that!  I do remember that I was in labor for fourteen hours.  I know that when they did the epidural that my husband got really weirded out.

After fourteen hours of labor the doctor pretty much walked in and caught the little guy as he was on his way out.  And he was cute.  Very, very cute.  Not all smooshed like a lot of newborns look (no offense to anyone who had a smooshed looking baby-they do get cuter).  All the nurses were in love with him.  And so were we.

As you already know, he came out just fine...

He came out just fine, but you knew that.

It obviously went okay, because I decided to do it a second time three years later.  With this one, I certainly do remember the pain.  Maybe it was because I was in labor with The Princess for what seemed like two weeks before my due date.  The doctor told me that if I didn’t have her by my due date that they would take pity on me and induce me. Nice.

I went into the hospital a few hours early because I was so miserable I couldn’t stand it, and they decided to try breaking my water around 8 am to see if this would get things moving.  It worked.  This angered my daughter, and she decided that she had to come right then, because according to Evil Genius they had “drained her pool”.  They couldn’t get that anesthesiologist in there fast enough.  I mean, he made it, but not fast enough for my taste.  I’d had a nice dose of morphine in the meantime.  Morphine=good stuff.

And that was that.  The Princess arrived.  She was more smooshed looking than The Professor, but got much cuter as time went on.  Which was a very good thing, because she rarely slept and cried a bunch… The fact I couldn’t walk or turn my neck for quite some time afterwards meant that yeah, cuteness was definitely on her side.

She came out okay too.  But more importantly, don't I look sexy in that hospital gown?

She came out okay too. But more importantly, don’t I look sexy in that hospital gown?

I survived the thing that scared me most-childbirth.  But the scariest thing that has ever happened to me has been simply having children.  It has also been the most wonderful thing that has happened too.  It continues to be wonderful, and scary, every single day.

Here are the links to the other participants in this round of the Secret Subject Swap.  Please check their posts out too!                        Baking In A Tornado                         The Momisodes                     Just A Little Nutty              Follow me home . . .    Moore Organized Mayhem                       The Sadder But Wiser Girl                            Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                                     Crazy As Normal                   Searching for Sanity                           Dawn’s Disaster                               Menopausal Mother                           Evil Joy Speaks

What?  You're still here?  Go read some other posts or I'll get you with my glowy claws!  RAWR!

What? You’re still here? Go read some other posts or I’ll get you with my glowy claws! RAWR!