Welcome to the December 2013 edition of the Secret Subject Swap (Take One). This week, twelve brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.
My prompt was: December has arrived. You can either A.) spend it alone on a tropical beach (with full amenities) or B.) with your favorite individual(s) trapped in a snow storm. You have to choose. It’s for one week. Which would you choose? And what would you do during the week?
It was submitted by: www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com
As I am writing this, it is what we call “butt cold” here in Iowa. Don’t ask me where that phrase came from, because I haven’t a clue. My butt is one of the last things that gets cold when it’s cold. Being arm cold would make much more sense.
At first I thought oh give me the beach, please. I’m so cold right now. And I don’t even have a fake fireplace to warm me up. Yet.
Then the more I thought about it… I decided to go for it. Let the snow fly, I’m getting snowed in with my blogging friends. Here’s my totally silly fantasy party:
Two weeks before Christmas I was headed to a fancy hotel for the best writer’s retreat in the whole wide world. That’s right, I was headed to the B.U.T.T.S. conference. Bloggers United Through Total Sensationalism. Never heard of it? That’s okay, because it only happened once. It was that epic that it could not be repeated. It was better than BlogHer. It was better than the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop Conference. It was better than ANY other conference, even parent-teacher conferences!
So many others I had missed out on because I couldn’t afford to go, but not this one. And now I was going to finally meet all of these people I had been talking to in PERSON. They were all going to be there-all of the bloggers I had known and loved over the past couple of years.
Thank goodness for Evil Joy. She was able to use her evilness for good and let me know all about it super early. And it only cost $1.99 to attend (plus tax, of course!) I happily counted out my pennies and sent in my registration the very second it started. That was such a great deal I made my husband sign up too (he wrote a blog post once, right?) There was no way I was going to miss this. I was so excited about it that I promptly drove to Target and bought myself a new outfit to wear to it right off the clearance rack. I didn’t even lose my keys while I was there, so it was a GREAT day!
We made sure that we gave ourselves plenty of extra time to get there, since the weather was a bit iffy. Evil Genius is an excellent driver, but I can’t say that other people are when the weather gets bad. As it turned out, we didn’t have to make any u-turns at all and arrived early.
I checked into my room and excitedly made my way to the conference area. Not just any conference area-this one had a chocolate fountain, a pop fountain, AND a water fountain.
Karen from Baking in a Tornado was the first to arrive. Not only did she bring a truckload of ingredients for some of her famous recipes, she also brought some new drink concoctions for us to try. Just in case we wanted to stay away from mixed drinks, Dani from Cloudy, With a Chance of Wine arrived with plenty of wine for everyone!
Marcia The Menopausal Mother had to come all the way from Florida. She hates to fly, so she arrived by train. She brought several rum cakes. Not just any rum cake. It was the most amazing cake I had ever had. She kept insisting it was her “special” rum cake. Mmmmm… Thanks to this cake I can only recall certain things from my time there. I still wonder what the heck was in that cake?
My bestie Jen Kehl of My Skewed View brought the tunes of course. We got together right away and spent time planning the end of the world. You know, by allowing our kids and husbands to hang out together. That should do it, right? BOOM.
Amy of Funny is Family brought her crockpot, because she never strays too far from it. What was in it? Beer chicken. She’s been raving about it (and it WAS good!). I made her promise that she would finally do the slow cooker chicken and noodles that I’ve been bugging her about forever on her blog, because the world needs to taste that awesomeness!
About the time that arrived, the weather happened. It started snowing. Not just a little snow, but feet and feet of it. Ice. Maybe even a little hail. It was the snowstorm to end all snowstorms. The Snowpocalypse. It closed down everything.
But as it turned out it wasn’t so bad. Not at all, we were in a hotel that only cost us $1.99 plus tax, there were bathrooms and places to sleep. And also because these people were just gosh darn entertaining. Thank goodness Amy brought her crockpot and Karen and Dani brought the booze! We were set indefinitely.
Kate of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine With My Morning Time? live tweeted the whole thing. I think her thumbs got really, really tired. There was so much going on because we are so much fun, dammit.
One of the highlights had to be when Starr of The Insomniac’s Dream got into a knock down drag out with MJ Mele of The Nerdy Side of Life arguing over comic book characters. Thank goodness that Kelly of Debie Hive jumped in and used her superpowers to break it up, or there could have been serious blood shed.
We couldn’t be too mad at MJ, since he couldn’t leave home without his Playstation 4, he provided some much needed entertainment for some of the spouses. He even shared.
Stephanie of When Crazy Meets Exhaustion couldn’t wait for one of us to have an embarrassing moment so that we could write about it and submit it to her Oversharing series.
So many funny people-Vikki from Laugh Lines must have made me pee my pants at least once laughing. Lisa Newlin made me snort wine out of my nose at least twice!
Penny from Mom Rants and Comfy Pants wrote a rap for us. Then TA Woods of PenPaperPad wrote a poem. Not be outdone, Kristi from Finding Ninee drew a group portrait of all of us. Due to copyright concerns, I can’t share it here. Which is too bad, because it was really, really great. All of this talent in one place!
I got inducted into a kind of not really secret society. One that was just for redheads. Only that name was already taken so we had to go with Redheads that Write. Cool, no? Jenn from Something Clever 2.0, Terrye of The Adventures of a Misplaced Alaskan (currently the queen of Bubbleviews) Marj of The Domestic Goddess and I will all be card carrying members, whenever one of us gets around to actually printing out the cards.
I had so much fun swapping kid stories with my favorite moms. Ashley of Sorry Kid, Your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others, Kristi of The Robot Mommy, Angela from Momopolize, Melissa from Motherhood is an Art, Rachel from Tao of Poop, Deb of Urban Moo Cow, so many fabulous moms I lost track of everyone I talked to. I’m sure there were more.
As it turned out, we were all snowed in for a whole week. And what do writers do when they are forced to stay in together due to bad weather? We wrote a book, of course. Yes we all put our contributions in for “I Went to BUTTS and I Cannot Lie”.
Publishers fought madly over it. It broke all kinds of records and we all became famous overnight. Except for the ones who were already famous, like The Bearded Iris and Susan from The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva. They just got more famous.
If only it really could have happened. Too bad I made it all up. Or DID I? Are you sad that you’re not in it? I swear you were there. I just couldn’t fit everyone’s name in here, or my post would have been a million words long. You wouldn’t miss out on a blog conference for $1.99, right? Even if there wasn’t any free lubricant?
I’d like to thank everyone who has supported and cheered me on throughout my blogging career. I’m on a break at the moment, not the Ross and Rachel kind, more of a real life is sort of in the way type of break. It wasn’t planned, it just happened. I’m revising my focus and trying to get back to posting a couple times a week here very soon. Life without an outlet is a little blah, and I need to get back into writing something besides grocery lists again!
Now-check out the other bloggers that are doing the swap this month! The links are below.
http://BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado
http://themomisodes.com/ The Momisodes
http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/ Moore Organized Mayhem
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com The Sadder But Wiser Girl
http://crazyasnormal.com Crazy As Normal
http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com Searching for Sanity
http://followmehome.shellybean.com Follow me home . . .
www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com Evil Joy Speaks
http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/ The Bergham’s Life Chronicles
http://www.juiceboxconfession.com Juicebox Confession
http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com Dates 2 Diapers
http://www.theinsomniacsdream.com/ The Insomniac’s Dream