The Day The Lights Went Out At Target

I have this recurring dream.  I’m at a store, and all of the lights go out and I’m totally in the dark.  This isn’t really a terrifying dream, unlike the ones I have where we have a tidal wave.  Totally unlikely as we live in Iowa.  If that ever happens, I’m moving.  More realistically, I also have lots of dreams about tornadoes.  And being naked, but never naked in a tornado.  Or a tidal wave.

snowpocalypse

Something like that is coming our way… must go to the store!

Because we have yet ANOTHER snowstorm coming our way, I popped into Target quickly to pick up a few things in between work and the 3000 other important things I needed to do.  As I have shared before, Target and all other civilization is in a nearby town.  I was in kind of a hurry, but never in too much of a hurry to check out those fabulous end caps with 30% off, 50% off, 70% off, and NINETY PERCENT OFF!

As I was making my way from the Valentine’s clearance to the shampoo aisle, this happened:

blankThat’s right, suddenly I was in complete darkness.  The lights went out completely. This was followed by a few moments of awkwardness. Then a light, then two, then ten, because smartphones!  Then the back up generators came on and were accompanied by… that’s right, the fire alarm.

What’s so amazing about that?  People, that’s what.  You’d think that 1) complete darkness followed by 2) a really loud fire alarm might get people moving.  But people kept shopping.

No, no, go ahead.  If there’s a fire you’ll burn up, that’s all.

This really, really bothered the former cashier in me (more than ten years in retail and no strange diseases contracted, thank you very much).  Hellooooo…. no one will be able to ring up your stuff.  Cash registers run on electricity people!

It wasn’t until some of the employees had to come around and assure people that while nothing seemed to be wrong other than the entire block shrouded in darkness and chaos,  they would have to leave since the fire alarms were going off.  They could put their names on their carts if they wanted to come back later.

I looked at my cart with a bottle of Miralax, a large bottle of ketchup, Craisins, my diet pop,  and two Valentine items that were 90% off and asked myself if it was really worth it to try and come back in a little bit.  It wasn’t.  So I left.

My kids were fascinated by this tale.  When I told them why I didn’t get anything in town today that was all they could think about.  They must have asked 1000 questions.
“Why did the lights go out at Target?”
“Were you scared?”
“Was there a fire?  Were the toys okay?”
“Did you die?”

That night I sat and looked at my dwindling supply of diet pop and flirted with the idea of driving all the way back to town to retrieve my precious Diet Sunkist Lemonade at the low low price of 3 for $10.

Nah…

Later on today when we are sitting at home in the middle of the next blizzardpocalypse I may very well regret that decision.  I’m lucky though because t least I’ll have some entertainment this evening.  Ironically, tonight at 8:30 pm EST there is a very special event going on. Got snow?  Got kids?  Want to gripe about the snow… and maybe the kids too?  Click on the image below to be taken to a magical place-the Moms Who Write and Blog website!

1780212_10152644617652796_746900889_oPS-If there is some kind of award for writing posts with Target as the subject I so think I need it…

I Got The (Insert Really Long Phrase Here) Blues

Oh yeahhhh... play those blues...

Oh yeahhhh… play those blues…

I got me a blog
Ain’t wrote in awhile
This thing called life
It cramps my style

Should I just give it up?
Should I stop for awhile?
Should I eat that bowl of frosting
And then go walk seventeen miles?

Don’t mind me I got the I’m-a-mom-who-works-outside-of-the-home-and-has-a-house-to-clean-and-is-trying-to exercise-and-sleep-occasionally-and-maintain-a-blog-that-I-don’t-get-paid-anything-for blues

I’ve been writing a teensy bit, but sure not much.  I don’t just have the blahs, I have the blogging blues.  And maybe a bit of it’s just too damn cold blues.  I’ve been doing something besides just sitting on my couch.  Just what exactly have I been doing?  Pardon me while I do a sort of rant…

facebook post

Damn you FACEBUTT!!!!

I’ve spent plenty of time being frustrated.  Like with Facebook, they keep changing the rules.  Yet that’s the only place I really see any interaction with the exception of a couple of private groups I’m in.  I love posting something and only getting 11 views out of 777 people that like my status.  I can share something that someone else posted and sometimes get lots of views, but it’s so inconsistent.  What a bummer!

Speaking of frustrated, I seem to get pretty much the same number of pageviews regardless of what I’m doing.  I’d like to thank the pervs looking for pictures of women peeing their pants.

The workplace: Where paper cutters roam and attack without warning.

The workplace: Where paper cutters roam and attack without warning.

There is work.  The PAID JOB.  While my job is interesting and flexible and all of that jazz, it does take a lot of my time.  AND some weeks I like it better than others.  This week, not so much (mostly due to the fact that it has been too cold for kids to go outside=loud noisy kids!)  I spend way too much time analyzing what I could have done differently or better after each session, while I should just jot down a little note and move the heck on!  So the brains?  Nowhere to be found!

workoutTo some of you this may not be that impressive.  But to me this is a new start.  I have a condition where my muscles get knots in them as well as having chronic back pain.  Exercising this past year has been very difficult.  Add to that the fact that I literally try to hibernate in the winter.  This getting out and to the gym when the weather is so darn cold is really a challenge.  So far, so good!  I’m sure it will get easier come spring because I really hate walking indoors.  Having a motivating playlist on my Iphone has helped make it easier, but I still want to be outside!

Magnum ran a 5K.  I looked at pictures of him running a 5K...

Magnum ran a 5K. I looked at pictures of him running a 5K…

Also, as you can see Evil Genius has been running.  He’s actually been training for a marathon.  His first 5K was the last day of January.  While I’m not moved to run any sort of marathon, I would like to at least compete in a 5K!  He has been doing really well with his training, and that is motivating me too!  While I’m still just walking, I’m walking further than I have in a long time and that is what counts.

IMG_0180 (2)And of course, kids.

IMG_2732And I’ve been trying to find the stuff in my kitchen.  I’ve been both blessed and cursed by this pantry.  The pantry is wonderful because not only does it give us space that we otherwise didn’t have to store our food, it also is the entrance to our “secret passage”.  However, the shelves are pretty deep and not very much space between them.  The containers I had would fall off the shelves and we’d be ankle deep in the mess!  So new containers that are long and skinny, new labels, and it’s looking pretty snazzy! It is close to completion now, at least that phase.  There are other things going on with the organizing too…

IMG_2730

Behold the nicely organized spices!

So if you wonder why a) I haven’t been blogging my little heart out b) I haven’t been reading your blog b) I haven’t been sharing your blog c) on Facebook but don’t seem to do anything but post a bunch of silly Valentines that I have spent way too much time trying to find (like you see it, HA!), then hopefully this will give you an idea of why I’ve been so… bleh.

(I’m sure you probably haven’t even noticed… but I’ve got this thing called anxiety so I do…)

Have you had the blogging blues?  Have you had things that have been taking precedence over writing?  What is your kryptonite when it comes to blogging?

Twisted Mixtape Tuesday: The COLD mix

twisted mixtape tuesdayI’m spending a Monday that was supposed to be spent going to the gym, picking up Christmas pictures, and doing some Christmas shopping sitting on my couch waiting for Roto-Rooter.  Boo!  This isn’t what anyone wants for Christmas-sewage in their basement!

So with lots of time on my hands and little ambition, I can focus my (lack of) energy on Twisted Mixtape Tuesday.  This week is Dealer’s Choice, which means I can share anything my little heart wants. In the past I’ve done such things as all acoustic songs

This week I’m COLD.  I don’t like being cold.  I figured it was either share songs about cold or songs about poop and sewage.  I’m thinking my choices are much more limited if I did the latter, so I’m going to stick with songs that have to do with cold.  And ice.  And December.  BECAUSE I CAN!

angry bbq

Sadly, it’s not even really winter yet!

So Cold-Breaking Benjamin

First up is this little ditty by Breaking Benjamin.  I’ve shared other songs by these guys.  I love love love this group.  I don’t even know why.  I just do.

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I Am A Rock-Simon and Garfunkel

A song I listened to quite frequently in my college days.  While not my favorite, when I’m in a mood this is one I like to blast.

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Hazy Shade of Winter-The Bangles

See what I did there?  This song was originally by Simon and Garfunkel, but this is my favorite version.  I know I’m breaking my own rule here of never sharing the same song twice.  Oh well, you have to agree it ROCKS, and it’s my all time favorite song by The Bangle.

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Ice Ice Baby-Jim Carrey

This version is much better than the original… I’m going for comic relief.  Vanilla Ice flips houses now. Do you suppose he sings this when turns on the icemaker?

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Silver and Cold-AFI

Another group that I’m surprised I like, but they do some really catchy stuff.  And I think they really like cold weather.

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Love Like Winter-AFI

More catchy than the last, and more cold…

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Frozen-Madonna

I had forgotten about this song.  It’s off my favorite album by Madonna, Ray of Light.

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Cold-Hearted-Paula Abdul

Remember this song?  I believe it was my anthem a few times when I was a teen and then young adult.

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November Rain-Guns N Roses

What?  A playlist of songs about cold without November Rain is like peas without carrots.  Or something like that…

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December-Collective Soul

An interesting fact about this song-it’s great to walk to.

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Cry-Faith Hill

So they talk about cold in the lyrics, k?  And this song is great to belt out when you’re having a bad day.

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snow pie chartBetcha can’t wait to see what people are putting together for this week’s choice.  Do you feel like putting a playlist out there?  DO IT!  Then link up at either My Skewed View or Finding Ninee

Let It Snow: The Blogging Conference That Really Should Have Happened in a Snowstorm

secretWelcome to the December 2013 edition of the Secret Subject Swap (Take One). This week, twelve brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My prompt was:  December has arrived.  You can either A.) spend it alone on a tropical beach (with full amenities) or B.) with your favorite individual(s) trapped in a snow storm.  You have to choose.  It’s for one week. Which would you choose?  And what would you do during the week?

It was submitted by: www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com

As I am writing this, it is what we call “butt cold” here in Iowa.  Don’t ask me where that phrase came from, because I haven’t a clue.  My butt is one of the last things that gets cold when it’s cold.  Being arm cold would make much more sense.

At first I thought oh give me the beach, please.  I’m so cold right now.  And I don’t even have a fake fireplace to warm me up.  Yet.

Then the more I thought about it…  I decided to go for it.  Let the snow fly, I’m getting snowed in with my blogging friends.  Here’s my totally silly fantasy party:

Two weeks before Christmas I was headed to a fancy hotel for the best writer’s retreat in the whole wide world.  That’s right, I was headed to the B.U.T.T.S. conference.  Bloggers United Through Total Sensationalism.  Never heard of it?  That’s okay, because it only happened once.  It was that epic that it could not be repeated.  It was better than BlogHer.  It was better than the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop Conference.  It was better than ANY other conference, even parent-teacher conferences!

So many others I had missed out on because I couldn’t afford to go, but not this one.  And now I was going to finally meet all of these people I had been talking to in PERSON.  They were all going to be there-all of the bloggers I had known and loved over the past couple of years.

Thank goodness for Evil Joy. She was able to use her evilness for good and let me know all about it super early.  And it only cost $1.99 to attend (plus tax, of course!)  I happily counted out my pennies and sent in my registration the very second it started.  That was such a great deal I made my husband sign up too (he wrote a blog post once, right?)  There was no way I was going to miss this.  I was so excited about it that I promptly drove to Target and bought myself a new outfit to wear to it right off the clearance rack.  I didn’t even lose my keys while I was there, so it was a GREAT day!

We made sure that we gave ourselves plenty of extra time to get there, since the weather was a bit iffy.  Evil Genius is an excellent driver, but I can’t say that other people are when the weather gets bad.  As it turned out, we didn’t have to make any u-turns at all and arrived early.

I checked into my room and excitedly made my way to the conference area.  Not just any conference area-this one had a chocolate fountain, a pop fountain, AND a water fountain.

Karen from Baking in a Tornado was the first to arrive.  Not only did she bring a truckload of ingredients for some of her famous recipes, she also brought some new drink concoctions for us to try.  Just in case we wanted to stay away from mixed drinks, Dani from Cloudy, With a Chance of Wine arrived with plenty of wine for everyone!

Marcia The Menopausal Mother had to come all the way from Florida.  She hates to fly, so she arrived by train.  She brought several rum cakes.  Not just any rum cake.  It was the most amazing cake I had ever had.  She kept insisting it was her “special” rum cake.  Mmmmm… Thanks to this cake I can only recall certain things from my time there.  I still wonder what the heck was in that cake?

My bestie Jen Kehl of My Skewed View brought the tunes of course.  We got together right away and spent time planning the end of the world.  You know, by allowing our kids and husbands to hang out together.  That should do it, right?  BOOM.

Amy of Funny is Family brought her crockpot, because she never strays too far from it.  What was in it?  Beer chicken.  She’s been raving about it (and it WAS good!). I made her promise that she would finally do the slow cooker chicken and noodles that I’ve been bugging her about forever on her blog, because the world needs to taste that awesomeness!

About the time that arrived, the weather happened.  It started snowing.  Not just a little snow, but feet and feet of it.  Ice.  Maybe even a little hail.  It was the snowstorm to end all snowstorms.  The Snowpocalypse.  It closed down everything.

But as it turned out it wasn’t so bad.  Not at all, we were in a hotel that only cost us $1.99 plus tax, there were bathrooms and places to sleep.  And also because these people were just gosh darn entertaining.  Thank goodness Amy brought her crockpot and Karen and Dani brought the booze!  We were set indefinitely.

Kate of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine With My Morning Time? live tweeted the whole thing.  I think her thumbs got really, really tired.  There was so much going on because we are so much fun, dammit.

One of the highlights had to be when Starr of The Insomniac’s Dream got into a knock down drag out with MJ Mele of The Nerdy Side of Life arguing over comic book characters.  Thank goodness that Kelly of Debie Hive jumped in and used her superpowers to break it up, or there could have been serious blood shed.

We couldn’t be too mad at MJ, since he couldn’t leave home without his Playstation 4, he provided some much needed entertainment for some of the spouses.  He even shared.

Stephanie of When Crazy Meets Exhaustion couldn’t wait for one of us to have an embarrassing moment so that we could write about it and submit it to her Oversharing series.

So many funny people-Vikki from Laugh Lines must have made me pee my pants at least once laughing.  Lisa Newlin made me snort wine out of my nose at least twice!

Penny from Mom Rants and Comfy Pants wrote a rap for us.  Then TA Woods of PenPaperPad wrote a poem. Not be outdone, Kristi from Finding Ninee drew a group portrait of all of us.  Due to copyright concerns, I can’t share it here.  Which is too bad, because it was really, really great.  All of this talent in one place!

I got inducted into a kind of not really secret society. One that was just for redheads.  Only that name was already taken so we had to go with Redheads that Write.  Cool, no?  Jenn from Something Clever 2.0, Terrye of The Adventures of a Misplaced Alaskan (currently the queen of Bubbleviews) Marj of The Domestic Goddess and I will all be card carrying members, whenever one of us gets around to actually printing out the cards.

I had so much fun swapping kid stories with my favorite moms.  Ashley of Sorry Kid, Your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others, Kristi of The Robot Mommy, Angela from Momopolize, Melissa from Motherhood is an Art, Rachel from Tao of Poop, Deb of Urban Moo Cow, so many fabulous moms I lost track of everyone I talked to.  I’m sure there were more.

As it turned out, we were all snowed in for a whole week.  And what do writers do when they are forced to stay in together due to bad weather?  We wrote a book, of course.  Yes we all put our contributions in for “I Went to BUTTS and I Cannot Lie”.

Publishers fought madly over it.  It broke all kinds of records and we all became famous overnight.  Except for the ones who were already famous, like The Bearded Iris and Susan from The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva.  They just got more famous.

If only it really could have happened. Too bad I made it all up.  Or DID I?  Are you sad that you’re not in it?  I swear you were there.  I just couldn’t fit everyone’s name in here, or my post would have been a million words long.  You wouldn’t miss out on a blog conference for $1.99, right?  Even if there wasn’t any free lubricant?

I’d like to thank everyone who has supported and cheered me on throughout my blogging career.  I’m on a break at the moment, not the Ross and Rachel kind, more of a real life is sort of in the way type of break.  It wasn’t planned, it just happened.  I’m revising my focus and trying to get back to posting a couple times a week here very soon.  Life without an outlet is a little blah, and I need to get back into writing something besides grocery lists again!

Now-check out the other bloggers that are doing the swap this month! The links are below.

http://BakingInATornado.com                                Baking In A Tornado

http://themomisodes.com/                                     The Momisodes

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/           Moore Organized Mayhem

http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                              The Sadder But Wiser Girl

http://crazyasnormal.com                                     Crazy As Normal

http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com                   Searching for Sanity

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                           Follow me home . . .

www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com                              Evil Joy Speaks

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/                      The Bergham’s Life Chronicles

http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                                Juicebox Confession

http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com                          Dates 2 Diapers

http://www.theinsomniacsdream.com/                      The Insomniac’s Dream

From Preschool to Kindergarten Cop: What I Got Out of Subbing

funny teacher gift

I don’t get gifts because I’m the sub.  Yet there are days when I would have said this. (Though I DO think a monogram out of crayons would be cool.)

I’m winding down my sub job this week-two more days and I’m a free woman again.  It’s been good for me, but I must admit I’m ready for some time back home.  You know, being a horrible manager of my time, bored and broke again…

This whole job thing was much more challenging than I thought it would have been.  This didn’t necessarily have anything to do with the job itself.  This is because some other things happened.  First of all, about a month in, Evil Genius embarked upon a project at work that will probably last at least 4 more weeks and makes him work 500 hour weeks.  I know there aren’t 500 hours in a week, but to him (and me) it really feels like it.  He leaves long before most humans even think about getting up to go pee, and returns home at night with enough time to eat supper and go to bed. Naturally, my reaction to all of this is to tell him I’ll write a song about it, make him coffee when I remember, and kill him with kindness when he is in SUCH a good mood (I love you honey…)

Then the poor girl I was working with had a family tragedy and had to take some much needed time off.  With both of the regular classroom teachers having to be gone, I had to step up quickly and do stuff that I’m well capable of but just wasn’t expecting to have to do.  It made things very interesting, to say the least!  On the other hand, I think it worked out pretty well that I had been the one that was there instead of several people trying to fill in the hours.

Other things happened too, I’ll get to those in a minute…

Anyway, as I was working these last two months I definitely had some moments and I learned some things too:

Anyone who says that they are going to quit drinking diet pop upon returning to work are setting themselves up for epic failure.

Never hesitate to ask for help from your fellow bloggers.  They will RUN to your aid!

Don’t ask your husband to do anything non work related because you can’t.  He won’t remember.

Having your own child in your classroom means you are basically working two full-time jobs, teacher AND Mommy.

Oh she's cute, but it was a challenge having her in the same classroom sometimes!

Oh she’s cute, but it was a challenge having her in the same classroom sometimes!

Upon deciding to work a job in another town, you are guaranteeing there will be at least one winter storm per week, and one to two snow days per pay period.

Anyone who says they are going to quit eating sugar when they go back to work are setting themselves up for epic failure.  Especially when Valentines and Easter are in that time frame.

Guest bloggers are the way to go when you need to be busy doing something, or are tired, or just don’t want to blog.  I just wish I had done that sooner!

When things change, your ADD son will miss getting off the bus at the right place at least once.

No matter how good your dog seems, when he’s left to his own devices for days on end, he will poop on your floor.  AND tear stuff up.  AND be a general pain in your rear.  It’s a good thing he’s cute.

This didn't happen-but other messes were made.

This didn’t actually happen-but other messes were made.

Anyone who says they are going to quit taking Ambien to help them sleep when they go back to work are setting themselves up for epic failure.

Apple Jacks are never a good idea for breakfast when you have to last from 5:30 am until lunch.

If glasses are to be broken with no hope of repair, it will be the expensive ones, not the free ones.

No matter how nice the weather is, if you choose to leave your dog outside all day (because he poops on the floor and tears stuff up) the temperature will drop to negative numbers and there will be a blizzard.

Never in my life have I wanted to quote Kindergarten Cop so much.  You don’t know how many times I wanted to yell “There is no BATHROOM!”  I can even think of a couple of Arnold moments that I had.  But what happens in preschool stays in preschool.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Certain little girls who hold in their poop will find new ways to keep it in.  No matter how much fiber you give her.  Add to the fact that you don’t really know when the last time she actually went was, it’s kind of a “poop roulette”.

It’s nice to have an excuse to be on Pinterest-I have to find art ideas for work!

Never ever make plans when you are a substitute teacher.

Things usually work out-you just have to give them time.  This has nothing to do with the noncompliant pooper, it has everything to do with life in general.

Sleep.  I knew it well once.  And I’m an insomniac-that’s not saying much.

I’ll be back with actual posts hopefully later this week.  In the meantime… tomorrow:  toodle on over to Go Cheap or Go Home to visit me.  I’m posting an oldie but a goodie-the poor girl wanted some time off! 

I really won't be a pah-ty poop-ah.  I will be baaaack!

I really won’t be a pah-ty poop-ah. I will be baaaack!

Wordless Wednesday: Snow, Snow, and MORE Snow!

IMG_1737

We are literally days away from Spring Break.  And?  We get a snow day.  Tons and tons of snow piled up on us.  This snow’s redeeming value is that it looked really neat the way it stuck to everything.  But come on Mother Nature, show us some signs of Spring!  Here I post this the day after I got stuck half in and half out of my driveway…

It’s March Which Means It’s Close To Spring End of the Week Roundup!

I'm so sick of Winter, but I'd love to have these kitties to block the drafts until Spring!

I’m so sick of Winter, but I’d love to have these kitties to block the drafts until Spring!

Yay it’s March!  Does that mean Spring is really going to come soon?  Not much to report this week, other than I have a cold so bad that I lost my voice.  It’s awfully hard to yell when you have no voice to yell with.  Oh, and I got a gym membership through work!  It’s only for a month, but it will give me something to do on my lunch breaks.

Monday  We Can’t Just Shop Like Normal People Because we aren’t normal…

Tuesday  I was working on the award post… would I lie to you?

Wednesday  Wordless Wednesday: Ice Ice Baby  and It’s Gonna Be EPIC!  Not only did I upload a fabulous icicle picture for Wordless Wednesday, I finally finished that award post!

Thursday  Theme Thursday:  Kids (Mine, Yours, Theirs)  The theme was Other People’s Kids, and I just couldn’t write it.  So I put a twist on it.

Friday  Winter Driving In Iowa:  I Need A Drink and a Clean Pair of Underwear  I lived to tell the tale, and now you can read about it!  I never got the drink, by the way.

Funny and Disturbing Search Engine Terms This Week
Miralax puns  Someone actually searched for this???

How to make a pregnant snowman  At least it wasn’t “How to get a snowman pregnant”.

Insane body  Yes, it is.

People who make boob cakes and their addresses  Ummmm…

Best Spam EVER!

Looks like I saved a life or something-HA HA!  Gotta love spam comments!  Read on:

I want to express my thanks to you for bailing me out of such a trouble. As a result of searching through the internet and seeing opinions that were not beneficial, I believed my life was done. Living without the presence of solutions to the problems you have fixed by way of your blog post is a crucial case, and the kind that could have negatively affected my career if I had not come across your blog. Your know-how and kindness in touching all the stuff was excellent. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I had not discovered such a thing like this. I am able to at this time relish my future. Thanks for your time so much for the reliable and results-oriented guide. I won’t be reluctant to refer your web page to any person who should have support on this matter

Enjoy your weekend, I’m outta here.  Gotta get groceries and all of that fun stuff!

Yay for March!  Yes I am well aware that leprechaun is spelled incorrectly.

Yay for March! Yes I am well aware that leprechaun is spelled incorrectly.

Winter Driving In Iowa: I Need A Drink And A Clean Pair of Underwear

Is this the guy forecasting our weather?  SERIOUSLY!!!!!!

Is this the guy forecasting our weather? SERIOUSLY!!!!!!

Last year’s winter spoiled us.  I think it snowed twice, and one of the times it snowed it technically wasn’t winter yet.  Oh how I had forgotten how awful winter can be, especially when you have to drive in it.

The bad weather that they forecast last week?  We got some snow, but nowhere near the Snowmageddon that they were anticipating.  The other day we started out with a 30% chance of pm light snow and we got a major snowstorm.  I came to work expecting a little bit of snow by nightfall.  It started snowing a little a few minutes after I got there.  It didn’t stop.  It got heavier.  I shrugged it off.  Not gonna panic.  Nope.  I figured it would let up soon.

Then they let the schools out early.  My son was able to go to the sitter’s house, which was good because there was no way I was going to be able to get there on time to get him!  Even though this important detail was taken care of, I was starting to get somewhat nervous.  Somehow I manage to convince myself that just like last week it’s just a state of panic.  Yet I’m spending a good amount of time fixated on the white stuff that is getting heavier and heavier outside our classroom window.  Finally at 2:30 the out of town people, me being one of them, were dismissed and we headed out.  I figured it wasn’t too bad yet-I was wrong.

The following is the tale of my harrowing ride home:

Did I mention that I live close to a half hour away?  Part of this drive is highway, part of it is interstate, and a small portion of it is county road. The interstates are usually cleared and the best form of travel in this kind of weather.  However getting there is half the battle.  I have to drive on the world’s worst highway to get there.

I go 30 miles an hour down the highway that I usually drive at 65 miles per hour.  It’s very slippery and scary and I am very scared as I see cars in the ditches everywhere.  This is a sample of what I was saying as I was going driving and sliding around:

Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod!
Shitshitshitshitshit!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

I finally give up and turn off the highway to cut through town.  I don’t think they own a snowplow.  Or salt.  Or sand.  They just let you slide around and fear for your life.  Intersections are anxiety provoking, especially when you have to drive into traffic that may or may not be able to stop for you.

Princess Defiant does not like this, “Where are we going?  Why did you get off the highway?”
Me:  “Because I don’t want to keep driving on this road.  I want to go through town to get on the safer exit.”  (Translation-I don’t want to die trying to get on the interstate.)

There could have been definite spewing on my little journey.  Less singing and more screaming too.

There could have been definite spewing on my little journey. Less singing and more screaming too.

I knew once I got on the interstate it would be better, but it didn’t make it any less scary getting there.

Once I was on the interstate, travel was definitely an improvement, but there were a few moments when I really thought I was going to die.

Nonononononononononononononononono.  This is what I uttered every time a semi drove past me doing 90, splattering my windshield with slushy stuff and almost forcing me off the road.

At one point we passed ambulances and state patrol cars on the opposite side of the road.  There was a car half in the ditch with nothing left of the front end.  If it wasn’t a compact before, it definitely was now.  I was really getting nervous.

That’s when I hear Princess Defiant sigh and then ask in a very loud annoyed voice:  “WHEN WILL BE HOME????”
Me:  “This is scary driving.  We need to take our time.  I don’t want to have an accident.”
Silence from the backseat for a moment, then she asks, “What do you mean have an accident ANYWAY????”
Oh.  She thinks accidents are when you pee or poop your pants, which I actually came pretty close to doing, so she really wasn’t far off in that thinking.
Time to be blunt.  “It means crash the car.”
“Oh” she says quietly, then I hear her whisper very loudly “I don’t think I want you to crash the car.”  That’s nice that you’re on the fence about that, dear.

Eventually the longest drive of my recent life ended.  It took us almost an hour to make a 23 minute drive.  We picked up my son and were able to drive the few blocks home from there with minimal sliding around.

I texted my husband when I got home to let him know that I got there safely and gave him an idea of how the roads were.  Apparently he thought I was mocking him.  He texted me back that he was planning on driving it after a few drinks.  Brat.

So I didn’t die.  I drove in Iowa winter weather and once again lived to tell the tale.  At least until next time.  We’re expecting snow next week…

Thankfully my drive didn't end in disaster like this one did...

Thankfully my drive didn’t end in disaster like this one did…

Wordless Wednesday: Ice Ice Baby

IMG_1529

With the weird winter weather this week, snow and ice are on my mind.  This is from a couple of years ago when we had a ton of snow.  The icicle is probably at least as long as my son is tall if not more so!

The Where Did My Week Go Roundup

I think I need on of these in my house.

I think I need one of these in my house.

I’m not being sarcastic about the weekend.  What a week!  And where did it go?  It seems like it was just last weekend.  That’s not necessarily a bad thing.  Three weeks in and four or five to go on the sub job.  Meanwhile, I did some writing this week:

Monday  Not So Deep Thoughts By Me  I could not form complete blog posts, therefore I shared random thoughts.  And signs.  Funny signs.

Tuesday  A Man, A Plan, And A Stache  He insists there was no plan, but there was definitely a stache.

Wednesday  Wordless Wednesday: Is Spring Here Yet?  Is it?  REALLY, is it???

Thursday  Theme Thursday-Things I Love So Much I Want To Marry Them  I rehash and update an oldie but a goodie for Theme Thursday.

Friday The Snowmaggedon That Wasn’t, And Other Unfortunate Events   We were supposed to have a monster snowstorm, but instead we got more of a muppet storm.

Favorite Posts This Week
I loved them all. You are all my favorites.

Best search engine terms this week
Molly Ringwald hates Winona Ryder  FIGHT!  FIGHT!

Did Ward Cleaver dye?  I don’t know, does he like bold colors?

poo drink Ew.

Turkish Grandpa Toilet  ?????

Regressive python song  When have I ever referred to a python in my blog?  And how is a python regressive?  Now I’m curious what song is out there about regressive pythons.

I pee my pants  There’s a song in that somehow…

I got spammed
I’m used to getting some spam comments every day, but lately they have been almost hurtful.  Telling me my blog used to be interesting but now its not in totally imperfect grammar. That’s just what I need-robot critics.  Oh, and I also got a come on to go buy some Cialis.  Let me just grab my wallet.

Next week
Before I publish this and sit down to watch the one and only NASCAR race I’ll probably get to see this year due to my no satellite situation in my house, I suppose I’ll give you a preview of what is coming up this next week.  I’d like to say that you will see genius writing flow from my laptop like you’ve never seen before.  HA HA HA-no.  I really really really cross my heart hope to die stick a needle in my eye promise to finish my award post sometime next week.  I also will tell the tale of how I almost stole someone’s child and why my husband may become a WereCat.  I’m writing a post about butts-seriously. Theme Thursday deals with O.P.K.  You’ll just have to stay tuned to find out what the heck I’m talking about, now won’t you?  Meanwhile, you enjoy the rest of your weekend and the beginning of your week, however long or short it may be.

weekend

Can you say better late than never?  I signed up for this website MONTHS ago.  I had good intentions-I started to add this to my blog and then got distracted.  Gee, imagine that?  I am now trying harder to get myself out there, so take just a few seconds and click on the Top Mommy Blogs badge in my sidebar to vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs.  The more, the merrier!   You can vote for me once a day.  Just click and you’re done.  Visit, click, done.  How easy is that?

(I wanted to put a banner at the bottom of each post, but naturally I can’t figure out how to do it.  Advice, anyone?)