Previous Terrible Attempts at Humorous Poetry (And it Does Have A Christmas Reference in it)

I used to do poetry on my blog, and the results were somewhat terrible but also a little humorous.  I’ve had this fresh in my mind because I have been trying to enter the Twelve Days of Haiku contest over on Ninja Mom.  You basically try to modernize “The Twelve Days of Christmas” in Haiku form.  Here I thought if I could write a haiku about Taco Time (yes I really did) that I could whip one up in no time flat.  Not so much-the results have been no less than terrible.  However, there have been some really great ones (in other words not mine) submitted, stop by her blog and check them out (in her comments).  And check out her blog too if you haven’t already-she rocks!

If you’ve been following my blog for a long time, you’ve already read this.  In other words it’s sort of a reblog but one that’s much improved.  This is one of my early posts when I barely knew how to use WordPress.  This is one of those posts that drives me CRAZY because the formatting is completely messed up in the original post. I actually sort of figured out how to fix this, which is very exciting!  If this is your first time reading this, I hope you like it-most Moms can relate!

Indiana Jones and The Evil Couch of Doom (AKA Crap I Found In My Couch)

Is it an eeeeevil couch?

Is it an eeeeevil couch?

Instead of going outside to play,
I decided to clean up my house today.
I took the vacuum and to my couch I went,
What a lot of time there I spent!

What to my wondering eyes should appear
Was no miniature sleigh, but three bottlecaps from beer
A treasure trove of things that belong to my kids
Such as seven different markers without any lids.

A miniature conditioner and shampoo,
A DS Game, A Leapster game, a rawhide chew
Black and white polka dotted underwear
Three socks, none of them a matching pair.

Barrettes and rubber bands, a brush for the cat
A blue colored pencil a red lego guy hat
Seven lite Brite pegs, a crayon, some sand
A Lego Luigi who just had one hand

A spoon, a coupon, five pens, some rocks
Cheerios, a lip balm, green bristle blocks
A washrag, granola, Kleenex times four,
Puzzle pieces, stickers, beads, beads galore!

Magnets, a penny, a notebook, a racecar
My what a lot of things there are!
This is the crap I found in my couch
No wonder I always seem like such a grouch!

Dog eating couch!Disclaimer:  No animals have actually been harmed by our couch.

Dog eating couch!
Disclaimer: No animals have actually been harmed by our couch.

Awards! I Got Awards!

Oh you meant “A-Wards”, not “Wards”…

I got an award!  Then I got another award!  All right, I’ll try it.  I’m never good at these thingies.  And as I have discovered, this is a LOT of work!  Let’s see here…

The Beautiful Blogger Award

First up we have the Beautiful Blogger Award. I’m assuming it refers to the blog itself, and not the writer?  What?  Yes to both?  Ok.

I was nominated for the Beautiful Blogger award by momtimes4, a blog that I thoroughly enjoy reading every day!  She takes all the little things that happen in her house and draws cute little illustrations to go with them.  If you’re a Mom, whether you have two or six, you’ll be able to relate to these little stories and pictures!

Beautiful Blogger Award Rules:

The idea behind the Beautiful Blogger Award is to recognize some of the bloggers we follow for their hard work and inspiration.

1. Copy the Beautiful Blogger Award logo and place it in your post.

2. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.

3. Tell 7 things about yourself.

4. Nominate 7 other bloggers for their own Beautiful Blogger Award, and comment on their blogs to let them know.

7 things about myself (I hope they don’t have to be interesting!)

1.  I am the daughter of a Navy Submariner.  I grew up all over.  I was born in Maine and wound up in Iowa, where my parents are from.  We moved back here when I was 15.  I haven’t been able to get away since.  Somewhere there is a giant tractor beam holding me in here!

2.  I am a geek.  Challenge me to a game of Star Wars trivia and I will kick your behind.

3.  I have two children, ages 4 and 7.  I also have a husband and a black cat who both hate people.  And a dog that doesn’t hate people at all.

4.  If I had better fundage (is that a word?)  I would return to vegetarianism and buy all of my food at the local co-op that I’m a member of.  It is the best smelling place in the whole wide world.  I’m the one who shops there and cries because the only thing I can afford to buy there are spices and some of the bulk foods.  Someday…

5.  I don’t have a job at the moment due to no fault of my own (and it sounds like I’m not alone).  Since I already have a degree, the next step is naturally going to get my Masters in SOMETHING.  Naturally, I don’t have any clue what it would be in.  My interests lie in writing, wellness and health, nutrition, and all of that jazz.  Someday I hope to figure out what would best suit me.  And then win the lottery so I can afford to go to school.

6.  I love NASCAR.  I even got to go to a race this year.

7.  If it’s not chocolate or caffeinated, I probably don’t consume it regularly.  I’m trying to change that…

Ok, enough of that-now the best part is that I get to nominate seven other people whose blogs I thoroughly enjoy!  The only bad part of this is that I have to CHOOSE.  And I’m assuming that I can only choose WordPress blogs?  And I know how some of you feel about the awards on here (Becca at Lady Or Not, that’s why you’re not on this list or I would SOOOOO nominate you!)

Atlantamomofthree– She JUST got this award.  Now she’s getting it again, because she’s awesome.

Motherhood Is An Art-I love this blog.  One lovely Mommy to three lovely children.  Her son Bency cracks me up!

Adrea In Wonderland-This is one of the first blogs I followed on WordPress. She is just a neat person, and posts some really interesting stuff.  If you are a C.S. Lewis fan you’ll appreciate all of the Alice in Wonderland references.

My Brain on Kids-Funny Lady.  She is Adam Levine’s future girlfriend, he just doesn’t know it yet.

Cloudy, With A Chance of Wine-Funny Mom, fellow wine lover.

Highly Irritable Blog-Not only does she write the funny stuff, she writes some wonderful stories as well.

Marj Hatzell is The Domestic Goddess-She claims to give Stay-At-Home Moms a bad name.  She does anything but.

 

The Liebster Blog Award

This was awarded to me by Valerie over at Atlantamomofthree.  And I agree, I thought it said Lobster Award when I first saw it too.

The Liebster Blog Award is given to bloggers by bloggers. It is a way of acknowledging each other and is for blogs with 200 or less followers. This is also a great way to spread the word about smaller blogs and get them more readers and followers!  When you receive the award, you post 11 random facts about yourself and answer 11 questions from the person who nominated you. You pass the award onto 11 other blogs (make sure you tell them you nominated them!) and ask them 11 questions. You are not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated you!

11 Random Facts about Me:

I despise crunchy vegetables, except for sweet bell peppers.  See my next fact for why that is so ironic.

I was a vegetarian for many years, and a vegan for a year while they tried to figure out why I was covered with an eczema type rash, why certain types of food made me sick, and why I was doubled over with stomach pain (nothing was ever figured out, other than the rash)

I have a famous friend, Marcus Collins of the Texas Tenors (The gorgeous blonde).  We went to college together. He is the sweetest person in the whole world, and he IS as genuine as he seems.  If you didn’t watch America’s Got Talent the season they went to the finals, you should take some time and check them out.  What they do is unique, and great stuff to listen to!  I also shook Ana Gasteyer’s hand once, but we’re not friends.

I went to school to be a music teacher-I have had to at least learn the basics for every basic band/orchestra instrument there is.  I found out that it was NOT my lot in life to be a brass player (I guess I kind of knew that already).  It sounds more like a dying cow than music…

People I hope to meet someday: Ellen Degeneres!  I am a huge fan of hers!  I’d also like to meet Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters, Seth McFarlane, George Lucas, Demetri Martin, and Michelle Obama.  And a lot of the bloggers I follow I’d love to meet in person for a cup of coffee or a glass of wine.  Contact me if you’re interested.  *wink*

I don’t sleep.  At least not without assistance.

When I was in 4th grade, the band teacher told my mother I had no musical talent whatsoever.

I am so allergic to certain plants that my eyes swell shut if I smell them. I know one of them is a type of evergreen, but there are other mystery plants.

I wear tie-dye most days of the week.  I don’t know why.  I just like it.  I also have lots of things with mandalas and yoga-type stuff on them.

As a child, I was such a picky eater that I would only take pb&j sandwiches in my lunches.

When I had my daughter, I couldn’t walk for a long time because somehow my pelvis was out of alignment,  and still to this day I do not have full range of motion in my neck.  So you can say that she is a pain in the neck, literally.

The 11 Nominees (Please don’t be offended if you have more than 200 followers! Not everyone shows the number of followers on their blog, and I still think you deserve an award even if you have more than 200!!) :D  I tried and tried to find 11 blogs that I follow on WordPress that had less than 200 and I was wildly unsuccessful.  That says something for the blogs on here, that you all are AWESOME!  And if I nominated you and you’re not into this type of thing, just ignore this and go on with your life.  So here are the ones that I nominated:

MomTimes4-One of the bestest blogs outs there!  Illustrations of everyday family life.  Funny!  If you’re a parent you’ll find something that you can relate to here!

Front Range Scribbles-A blog that everyone can relate to because it’s about a little of everything.  Plus fantastic photos!

Sky Blue With Daisies– Check out her art.  I think she’s great!

Dancing In The Rain-Living life with chronic illness and a fabulous attitude!

ADDadultstrategies-If you’re ADD this blog is a great resource.

Bug Bytes-Another fun blog from a Mom!

Naptime WritingMoms unite!!!

The Flat Broke Blog-Show this girl some love.  She’s back on the cheese line.

11 Questions for me

~Would you rather live where they have mild winters and very hot summers, or have freezing winters and mild summers?

Freezing winters and mild summers.  I hate to be hot.  And you can always put more clothes/blankets on when you’re cold, but you can only take so much off when you’re hot!

~If you had to choose a different decade to live in for one month from 1900-1990, which would you choose? Why?

The 1960s.  I am very interested in that time period!

~Do you have children? How many?

Yes, I have two.

~Where you live are there more cars than bikes? Do you own a bike?

Cars.  I do own a bike.  I used to bike everywhere.  Another unfortunate side effect of having children.

~What is one thing you are really proud of that you’ve learned how to do as an adult? (Mine is juggling!!)

How to make good food out of a few cheap ingredients.

~What is your favorite fiction book?

The Princess Bride by William Goldman.  And I read it BEFORE I saw the movie, thank you very much!

~If you found $1000 cash on a ride at an amusement park, what would you do?

Take it to the lost and found, of course!

~What is your favorite kind of music to listen to?

Ooooo… I’m probably on a special list.  I don’t really have just one favorite.  If you were to somehow hack into my Ipod, you’d find a little of everything.

~What do you think is the best way to spend a Saturday night?

A long walk under a full moon, then watch a good movie

~Would you rather spend a week in the mountains or on a beach? Why?

In the mountains.  Quiet, many hiking opportunities, and you can’t beat that scenery!

~Do you do Pinterest? Want to share your link?

Yes I do.  And yes I will!

11 Questions for the Nominees:

-What is the neatest place you have ever visited and why?

-Favorite kind of pet?

-If you could only eat one food for a whole year, what would it be?

-Who is (or was) your celebrity crush?

-What genre of movie do you enjoy the most?

-If there was one thing that you could do that you can’t right now, what would it be and why?  (I would go back to school, and take cello lessons)

-Do you have a hobby that you enjoy?

-If you could invite influential, famous, or just people you admire over for dinner, who would you invite?

-What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

-If you were given $10,000 and were told you had to give away half of it to help someone, who would you give it to?

-What led you to start blogging?

Ok, that’s all I’ve got!  Happy reading/answering and so forth!!!!

What I’ve Learned From Blogging: The Good, the Bad, and the REALLY Scary

Blogging has provided me with an outlet for my ideas. See look, I have one right here.

Today was my best day yet.  I smashed my previous record of having over one hundred views in a day, at last count I was up to 173 views!  That may not seem like much to those of you that get that many every day, that is huge for me.  As I close in on having 3,000 views and almost 50 followers, I can say that this whole blogging thing has been on the whole a very positive experience.  I sent my first post to the AimingLow website this week, hoping that maybe they’ll publish it.  I’m also trying to get going in the writing world.  It is definitely a process, though.  It took me a while to get here, and I still have a very long way to go.

Some things I have learned along the way thus far:

  • One of the scariest things about having your own blog is the stuff that people use to find your blog.  *shudder*  Search terms used to find my blog include the following- glue sniffing crack, why my husband takes 25 minutes to poop, is white chocolate made out of bat poop, barbie in compromising positions, girl poops out a mouse, moms that screw pets for fun and get caught and share.  That’s weird, man.
  • Never, ever use the word “penis” in a blog title.
  • No one cares about your PMS.  Even if it IS extreme.
  • Comment if you’re thinking something.  I never used to comment on anything I read before I started doing this.  Now I say what I’m thinking.  I can’t say it’s gained me a million followers, but it’s nice to see people read what I say on other people’s blogs.  And like it.
  • If I were a spammer, I would hire someone who at least knows how to write with proper grammar.  Or make it sound like it’s a real person.  Or something.  Don’t worry, I’m not hiring myself out to do this, though I could really use the money.
  • You find the bestest people on WordPress.  I don’t care if it’s not a real word, I’m gonna use it anyway.
  • Kids, husbands, pets, and my own stupidity are endless sources of blog ideas.  It’s pretty rare that I do have a day without something to write about.  Which is good, because I don’t want my brain to be full.  Or empty.  Or half full or half empty, depending on how you look at that…
  • I never lack for entertainment having found the blogging community.  Even when I’m not writing, I’m reading other blogs.  Tell me I need to get a life, I don’t care!

Not so much something I have learned but more of a thought in my brain:  As I continue to go on with my blog, my biggest fear is running out of space on here.  I started out not using a lot of pictures, but now I use at least 2 for every post.  Pictures use up a lot of memory.  Maybe I need to take up a collection to upgrade to PRO?  It could be like the Save the Children fund, only it would be “Save the Sadder But Wiser Girl”.  Perhaps by the time that happens I’ll be gainfully employed.  I applied at Casey’s General Store this week, it could happen.

What have YOU learned from having your own blog?  Any wisdom you’d like to share?

Genius… Lost In Cyberspace

Fellow bloggers I’m sure you’ve been there.  Bits of genius are getting lost in cyberspace.

I have had several great inspirations for blog posts that I have slaved over, finished, and tried to post.  And they DISAPPEAR.  Or I’m told it’s an “invalid request” when I try to post.  And then I try to reload the page and *POOF* it’s gone.  Occasionally I find the draft way later when it’s irrelevant to me.  Or it is simply never to be heard from again.

This is very frustrating to me.  I don’t have the attention span for that.

Is this where the lost stuff goes? I bet I have some socks in there.

Last night the invalid request popped up again as I was ready to put my fabulous post about my husband’s struggle with shingles.  Luckily for once my brain was working, and I quickly copied it to Word on my harddrive.  Over an hour later I finally figured out how to paste it to WordPress.

And I admit I’m still learning. I’m not quite sure the difference between a tag and a category.  I know that one or both are necessary if I want anyone to ever read my blog.  Even though I was able to save my wittiness last night it was posted without those all important tags.

I’m currently trying to spruce up my blog, because I’m actually going to stick with it.  And trying to put things on it like links to my favorite blogs and stuff.  Not turning out like I’d would hope.  There is so much out there I want to share, dangit!

I guess this would qualify as a rant.  No offense to WordPress, since I can blog on here for free.  Since I’m unemployed, I’m not paying to share my thoughts.  Probably a good thing my thoughts aren’t for sale.