Fly on the Wall July 2014: The Soylent Green Edition

Fly on the WallWelcome to this month’s installment of Fly on the Wall brought to you by Karen of Baking in a Tornado and all things funny.  “What’s this?”  You might ask.  It’s snippets of everyday life compiled into one post.  Sometimes funny, sometimes touching, and always interesting.  These posts are all published simultaneously in a group format-so don’t run away when you’re done here.  Keep going all the way to the bottom, and check out some of my fellow flies and their doo doo. 

Waiting patiently for the fireworks on the 4th!

Waiting patiently for the fireworks on the 4th!

Is it wrong to run in the room and yell “Kill! KILL ALL THE THINGS!” and then run out when your husband is playing Skyrim? Asking for a friend.

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Me: What are you guys going to do this afternoon?
The Professor: I want to go play pretend some more with my new character I created. He’s a ninja turtle and his name is Adam.
The Princess: Me too, my new character is Victoria Secret.

You can’t make this stuff up, people. And I should probably start buying my underwear and bras at Target…

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The Princess, upon seeing the commercial for those stupid Teddy Tanks: I WANT THAT!!!!
Me: You want everything.
The Princess: I changed my mind about everything else. I just want that.

WTF is a teddy tank?

WTF is a teddy tank? This.  Hell no.

Today I was told by a little boy I have superpowers.  Not sure what they are yet, but I’ll take it.

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Evil Genius:  Do we have any chili?
Me: Yes… but I don’t know if you’re going to like it. I got it to try, it’s from Aldis.
Evil Genius: It’s probably not made with real meat, probably made of people.

It’s chili, dear, not Soylent Green…

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Me to The Princess: Don’t forget the zoo is coming to the library tomorrow.
The Princess: Oooo! Will they bring animals?
Me: Yes, but I can’t remember off the top of my head what they’re bringing.
The Princess: Ohhhh! Maybe they will bring a giraffe!
Me: Now how would they get a giraffe up here (our local zoo is almost an hour away)?
The Princess: Maybe if he was taking a nap?

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I’ve decided that summer vacation is just one really long argument with my kids.  The topic may change, but the arguing just goes on and on…

The Professor: What actor has been in most of the movies?
Me: Which movies?
The Professor: Most of the movies.
Me: Like a certain series or something?
The Professor: No, I mean most of the movies.
Me: You mean like most of all of the movies ever made?
The Professor: Yeah.
Me: Oh, I can’t even begin to answer that question.
The Professor: Well whoever it is, that’s my favorite actor.
(Later he recanted and said it was Robert Downey Jr and the guy that did the voice of Emmet in the LEGO movie.)

The Princess and her dream car.  A purple convertible.

The Princess and her dream car. A purple convertible.

Both kids got to get their picture taken with their dream car at the car show on the fourth of July. Naturally they wanted to see their pictures right away. Me being the former teacher I tried to make this a teachable moment.

Me: “You know when your dad and I were kids, we didn’t get to see the pictures immediately. We had to send them off to be developed, IN THE MAIL. And had to wait for them to come back in the mail.”

Evil Genius: “We had to wait WEEKS!”

Both kids: *GASP*!

The Professor and his dream car.  It looks like the Batmobile!

The Professor and his dream car. He says it looks like the Batmobile!

Funny how as soon as the mom returns to the house that the children are suddenly starving.

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The Princess, coming down the stairs with her porcelain tea set.  “Would you like some coffee?”
Me: “Sure.”
The Princess:  “Would you like creamer or sugar or both in your coffee?”
Me: “Both.”
The Princess:  “Would  you like some dessert to go with your coffee?”Me:  “Why not?”
The Princess, watching me drink my pretend coffee and eat my pretend dessert.  “By the way, I put butter in the coffee.”
Must be a Paula Deen recipe.

Selfies at the races.  Not sure who the guy is.

Selfies at the races. Not sure who the guy is.

I put this one in here just for Karen… Note to spammers to help you improve the efficiency of your spamming:  Putting the word SCAM in your description kind of defeats the purpose.

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Evil Genius: I just had Mexican stuff on hot dog buns. It’s kind of like laundry day for food. (The day before grocery day…)

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And it was delicious…

Now you promised… go buzz on over to the other doo doo…

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just A Little Nutty

http://themomisodes.com                                          The Momisodes

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                                   The Sadder But Wiser Girl

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home . . .

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                  Stacy Sews and Schools

http://www.menopausalmom.com/                          Menopausal Mother

http://www.gomamao.com                                    Go Mama O

http://www.kimulmanis.com                                    Kim Ulmanis

http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com                        Dates 2 Diapers 2

http://dinoheromommy.com/                            Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                         Someone Else’s Genius

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                      Battered Hope    

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Lego My Sanity: A Bit of a Rant

Use Your WordsWelcome to this month’s Use Your Words Challenge!  Bloggers participating in this challenge literally get to swap words to use in their posts, and the resulting masterpieces are all published at the same time for the world to read! 

The words I was given this month are: White ~ Table ~ Legos ~ Hair Brush ~ Tube

They were submitted by: http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/

Be sure to see what other bloggers came up with by following the links at the bottom of the post.  Now read on for my little rant!

They get it honest.  Honest.

They get it honest. Honest.  I’m constantly reminded just how mean I am because I did not permit him to purchase this $400 set.

In case you haven’t figured out by reading some of my older posts, we are a lego family.

I love legos, because they encourage creativity and problem solving and all of that jazz for two children who would rather be parked in front of a television most of the time.  My kids would be content to play with legos all day long some days.  That’s cool, because it keeps them well entertained.

I also hate legos, because my children never pick them up.

Apparently legos are so much fun that we can never be done playing with them completely.  “But I’m not finished yet!” are the words of protest met most often when we have to quit building to do silly things like eat your supper, go brush your hair with a hair brush so you don’t look like an orphan child when we leave the house, or get ready for bed.

They were delighted when the Easter Bunny delivered these guys.

They were delighted when the Easter Bunny delivered these guys.

We tried establishing a specific area in the room adjacent to our living room where the legos could congregate.  There is a table set up specifically for building with legos, but instead it functions more as another place to put legos that are not being used.  The legos that are “being used” are all over the floor.

A perfect example of what really grinds my gears when the legos are out:  The Princess must only use white legos to construct her house of awesomeness.  That means that approximately 90% of the other legos must be thrown aside as she searches for those particular bricks.  On the floor.  Where they can be stepped on.

Imagine my chagrin when my husband gave in to the children’s request to bring the BIG container of legos in from storage.  So instead of just two somewhat large containers we bought at Christmas time, we also have one giant rubbermaid tub that has been sitting in the living room for quite some time.  It’s currently off limits.  Because Mom is tired of stepping on legos.  And Mom is mean.

Whoever put this up must be a parent with at least two young children.

Whoever put this up must be a parent with at least two young children.

Yep that’s right.  Currently I play the role of the bad guy because I’m constantly threatening to donate the legos lying about in the play room to a child who will take care of them and because I won’t run out and buy them a copy of The LEGO Movie.

Why haven’t I bought the LEGO movie?  Do I really want to hear “Everything is Awesome” 12000 times a day?  It’s already bad enough that I hear “Where’s my pants?” constantly.  I’m sure I’ll break down eventually-maybe when school has started and we aren’t together 24/7.

My solution to the LEGO problem naturally  would be  a big vacuum  tube.  Simply put it in the center of the room and all the bricks would be sucked up, kind of like that thing on the sand crawler on Star Wars.  You know, the one that sucks up R2D2?  Wouldn’t that horrible?  Not permanently, of course, just sucked back into their big old container.  Or to just take all the legos and make one big long road with them.  Instead of telling people to follow the yellow brick road, it would be to follow the lego brick road!  Sorry kids, you can’t use those bricks, it’s part of my road so people can find stuff.

Thank you for joining me for my little rant.  Now I want to hear from you.  Do your children possess a toy that you both love and hate? Is there something that your kids simply will not pick up no matter what you threaten?  I’d love to know that I’m not alone.

http://bakinginatornado.com                                Baking In A Tornado

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                      Stacy Sews and Schools

http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com/                              Sparkly Poetic Weirdo

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/         Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com                        Dates 2 Diapers 2

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/                  The Bergham’s Life Chronicles

http://themomisodes.com                                    The Momisodes

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                   Someone Else’s Genius

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                 Follow me home . . .

http://www.crumpetsandbollocks.com             Crumpets and Bollocks