Easter Funnies, Because I Care

IMG_1759

Horrible picture, but cute kids (my flash wasn’t on…)

We had a pretty great Easter, though the Easter egg hunt wasn’t all it was “cracked up” to be, because the Easter bunny didn’t have a whole lot to put into eggs this year.

But just in case you were really having an unfunny Easter, I had all of these great Easter things I have been dying to share!

I shared this one yesterday…

I don't think that's where they come from...

I don’t think that’s where they come from…

These also made me LOL:

Easter funny

 

Peep show

egg tramp

And my personal favorite…

chocolate bunnies

I hope you had a great Easter weekend!  See you this next week!  😀

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I Know What I Did This Week: Week in Review

This week was busy.  I finished a two month long term sub job, got to see what my husband REALLY does at work (besides ignoring my texts), and sent my daughter to kindergarten roundup.  I also concluded that I’m never going to afford to be able to self host my own blog after doing some sort of careful research.   I looked up two things and then begged for advice from my fellow Bloppy Bloggers.  I received some input from the fabulous Julie from Julie Deneen 2.0 and Fabulous Blogging, two sites that you really should visit. That’s thorough, right?  Anyone want to donate money?

This is what Evil Genius wishes he could do at work right now...

This is what Evil Genius wishes he could do at work right now…

Oh, I also wrote some posts.  Remember I said I was going to not do as much?  Yeah that didn’t happen, at least this week!

Monday  From Preschool to Kindergarten Cop:  What I Got Out of Subbing  Yes, teachers learn things too!

Tuesday  I guest posted an oldie but a good over at Go Cheap or Go Home, because mamas help other tired mamas out.

Wednesday  Never Judge A Mom By Where She Tries To Read Her Book  I received my coveted copy of “Please Just Let Me Pee Alone” in the mail.  I may have to move to Alaska to be able to read it all.

Thursday  Theme Thursday:  Dear Self At Sixteen, Get A Life!  I wrote a letter to my 16 year old self.  I don’t think she’s going to listen to me.  When you’re done reading, click on the link and go read other people’s letters to their selves.  Interesting schtuff, not to mention some fabulous big hair.

Friday  Princess Constipation and the Case of the Petrified Poop  Apparently I have poor judgement in selecting subject matter for my posts.  Folks, you should be used to it by now, after all my most famous posts have to do with pee…

Best and Most Disturbing Search Engine Terms of the Week (Strange Ways That People Find My Blog)

Chad Knaus house for sale Why am I not surprised?  At least he’s not naked in this one (because there are pervs looking for naked pictures of him).  And Knaus and house rhyme!  How about that?

Star Wars characters eating  Look who’s coming for dinner!  Which made me think of this…

Is this not the dinner they were looking for? (Careful if kids are nearby, there's an obscene gesture)

Is this not the dinner they were looking for?
(Careful if you watch the link with kids nearby, Han Solo and Boba Fett gesture “obscenely” at each other…)  Star Wars Robot Chicken “Dinner With Vader” [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cuebj4kVOy4%5D


Next Week

Save for a couple of important appointments, it’s back to life as usual for this blogging lady.  I’ve got lots of ideas and did lots of writing, we’ll see what comes out of my little head.  I promise there will be no petrified poop this week!  I’ll also be popping up all over the internets in the weeks to come, returning some favors from my week of fabulous guest bloggers as well as getting a couple of posts up (hopefully) over at The Epistolarians.

Oh yes, and Happy Easter to those who celebrate!  Happy Weekend!

I don't think that's where they come from...

I don’t think that’s where they come from…

Princess Constipation and the Case of the Petrified Poop

Last month I was taking the laundry out of the dryer.  Now there’s nothing really unusual about that, I do that often (at least once a week).  What WAS unusual about it was WHAT I found in that load of laundry.  There were the usual socks with no mates, the jeans that didn’t get quite unbunched and had to be run through again because they weren’t quite dry, a receipt from Evil Genius’s pocket…

And there was poop.

Not just any poop, we’re talking a perfectly preserved petrified poop.  Don’t you just love my use of consonance there?

Me being the poop detective, examined the evidence and quickly concluded that it belonged to The Princess.  She had been very good about putting her laundry in the hamper, and bringing it down to the washer.  I should have known that there was something fishy going on.

Of course upon confronting her (not with the actual evidence, I wasn’t about to carry that around the house) she at first denied it but then burst into tears.  If it had been a crime show, she would have confessed “Yes it was I who pooped and put it in the washer.”

Literally.

Literally.

I got to thinking after the fact that I really hadn’t seen her poop much since I started work.  When we were at home all the time she would make sure that I knew that she had pooped in the potty, the size, and sometimes even the consistency.  This was because I had gotten in the very bad habit of rewarding her with a bit of candy when she did go.  This started quite some time ago when she was so backed up that we had to put her on Miralax-the poor kid was afraid to go because she would hold it in until it hurt terribly to go.  Anytime we could get her to poop in the potty was a small victory.

There, everything you ever wanted to know about my daughter’s poop but were afraid to ask.

Institutional food as a whole tends to not be real full of fiber rich foods, at least not in the way that she is used to eating them at home.  This is no reflection on the quality of the food there.  This preschool has the best cook on this side of the earth.  She is amazing.  I still make many of her recipes for the kids at home, and they gobble them up.  I was pretty stoked to come back to work to eat her food, even though it would probably impact my waistline-it’s so good you reall can’t have just a little bit!  However, despite how yummy it all was it was pretty obvious that we were going to make some changes to what Princess Constipation ate.  After all, we already had her on the Miralax, and a pretty hefty dose at that.  And every morning she asks for plain yogurt with honey and granola which we throw in a good amount of flaxseed.

What to do, what to do…I looked at the menu for the week, trying to decide what to do.  The Princess came over to look at it alongside me and finally asked “Can I just take the fruits and vegetables like I eat at home to school?”  Genius.  We could start from there!

If you are a frequent Target shopper like me, you have seen the little bento boxes that they started carrying in their Circo line of kids stuff.  They’re not bad pricewise, and having had children from Japan that brought their own food to school, they’re pretty authentic.  I’m a sucker for that kind of thing-I’ve always wanted to have my own bento box.  So naturally I bought one.  I wasn’t sure how it would work, but I must say I was pleasantly surprised.

Cute little bento boxes, Target style.

Cute little bento boxes, Target style.

Here is what one looks like taken apart.  I think these are really cool!

Here is what one looks like taken apart. I think these are really cool!

This is where Princess Constipation really surprised me.  Not only did she want to bring her own fresh fruits and vegetables, she also wanted to bring her own whole grain main dishes.  Whole wheat tortillas with hummus, whole wheat cheese quesadillas, whole grain pasta with cheese and tomatoes.  Even on days when they had things that I thought she’d be all over, she still would rather eat her own food than eat the fare with the other kids.  I couldn’t help but smile about this.  I must be doing something right with this one.

Not to mention it was really cute to hear her say “I’m on a high fiber diet.”

She loved carrying the bento box to school in her Hello Kitty lunchbox.  She got upset on the few days that they were having something like chili that she could eat that was high fiber and I hadn’t made any moves to pack her some food.  I ended up putting stuff in it anyway, usually peppers and mandarin oranges.

She’s a little bummed now that she’s done with preschool, but is very excited to take her little bento box to school next year.  One more plus for kindergarten!

We had kindergarten roundup yesterday, but that’s a story for another time…

Theme Thursday: Dear Self At Sixteen-Get A Life!

Theme ThursdayTheme Thursday is a time for people to rejoice.  It is that special time of the week where the heavens open up and angels sing because the most awesome writers in the world get together and write about a common theme.   Today’s topic is “Write a letter to your sixteen year old self.” 

Four out of five dentists recommend Theme Thursday.

Oops, wrong letter.

Oops, wrong letter.

Dear Self at Sixteen:

First of all, congratulations.  If you are reading this then you have survived to adulthood, and into your late 30s even.  I’m writing to offer you some advice.  Listen up, I’m not as nice now as I was when I was your age.  I mean I’m still pretty nice, I’m just a little wiser.  Someday you’ll have a blog with that word in the title.  Don’t get too excited, it’s not like it sounds.

So you’ve recently moved to Iowa.  You left the sunny coast of Florida, and you feel like you left your whole life behind.  Believe it or not your life is not over.  The weather (and maybe some of the people) may be much nicer down there but there are some things that are way better here.  For example, no hurricanes.  It’s all good.  You won’t realize how nice the Midwest is until you are much older, and then you’ll learn to appreciate it.

That hair.  My what big hair you have.  Big hair does not equate coolness.  Wait until the Twenty Teens, you’ll look back on that hair and wonder what the hell you were thinking.  Get some bangs cut, pull it back and get it out of your face.  Speaking of your appearance, you are not fat, and certainly not close to being fluffy (except maybe the hair).  The sad thing is that the ideal that our society idolizes is only going to get much more unrealistic.  Do what feels right-walk, do some exercise, but don’t take it to extremes.  You’re only setting yourself up-come to find out no matter how thin you get you won’t think it’s thin enough.  It’s called body dysmorphia, and guess what-you have it.

Oh my, what big hair you have.

They told me I’d have hair like Jon Bon Jovi.  Why did I listen????

While we’re on the subject of appearance, quit acting stupid.  Stop pretending to be normal.  You’re not, and that’s ok.  You can recite The Empire Strikes Back word for word, can read a whole book in one day, and have an undying love for all things geeky.  Don’t stop being yourself just because you’ve moved to corn country and feel you have to act a certain way to fit in.  The normal people are not the people you want to hang out with anyway.  You will find friends who appreciate the same kinds of things that you do, just give it time.

And speaking of being stupid, ditch the boyfriend.  Cultivate your friendships instead.  The friendships will last, the boyfriend will not.  There are far far worse things than being alone, and the friends will not go away.  Besides, the boyfriend is just a stupid guy who has a lot of growing up to do, as are all teenage guys.  Trust me on this one.  You’ll know love on down the road, this is not it.  You’ll have your heart broken more than once, and even when you find the one, it will not be perfect.

Almond kids

THIS is love.

Don’t listen to or waste time on toxic people.  They don’t know anything.  Don’t let others pee on your dreams.  Take some time to figure out what you want to do.  Don’t settle for anything less.  Do you want to write?  Then write.  Do you want to teach in early childhood?  Don’t let other people try to discourage you, especially those who tell you things like “You can’t ever teach kids, you don’t hold your pencil right.”  The last time I checked, holding your pencil one way or another does not dictate where you will go in life.  Do you want to take French AND Spanish your Senior year?  Don’t let that guidance counselor sell you short by telling you that you’ll get confused and get talked into taking Foods.  Do you want to go to the college that won’t offer huge scholarships and grants to you?  Figure out some way to get there.  Find ways to succeed.  Don’t let other people try to stop you.

Quit being afraid in general.  The world does not need more Camerons.  They need more Ferrises.  They also need more people that can tell you what the plural of Ferris actually is.  He’s right you know-Life does move pretty fast.  If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you might miss it.  When you are in your 30s and have kids, you’ll know what I’m referring to.  You’ll even write a blog post about it.

Life is not easy.  It’s also not fair.  There’s no perfect.  Even people who seem perfect or have the perfect relationship, trust me, it’s all a lie.  Things will be good and things will be bad.  Often there will not be an in between.  Life should resemble a roller coaster more than it should seem like a sidewalk.  And you know what?  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Sincerely,

Your 38 and almost 11/12ths year old self

Not too shabby for approaching 40...

Not too shabby for approaching 40…

Don’t hesitate to take a look at what other people wrote to themselves.  Join us at the link up on Something Clever 2.0 for the other Theme Thursday posts. And don’t forget to brush your teeth (as recommended by those four dentists…duh).

Never Judge A Mom By Where She Tries to Read Her Book

It came!  It came!

Something came in the mail for me that’s not a bill.  It’s also not the phone book, though I did get one of those recently too.  I was not nearly as excited for that as I was for this thing I’m about to reveal to you.

It’s this:

IMG_1749

Note the awesome photography by yours truly.  Yes, I will not be quitting my day job.  Oh yeah, WHAT day job?

It’s a book. *GASP*  Yes, little ADD me is planning on attempting to read a WHOLE book!

You see, I know some ladies.  Ladies that I interact with on Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, among other places.  They are moms.  They blog like I do.  They are also well known and I am not.  I’m not hatin’, I’m very excited for any bloggers that get published, especially on a scale like this!

I strongly suggested I needed asked nicely begged for a copy of the book.  I commented to one of the wonderful ladies that is featured in that thar book that I would love to read it and it would be swell if someone sent me a copy.  Not only did she send me one, she also signed it.  This MADE MY YEAR!!!

I’m planning on reading it, and then reviewing it here shortly.  This makes me think that I should be working on a ratings scale.  Instead of five stars, maybe four snotty kleenexes?  Five messy handprints?

But if I want to read it, I need to FIND time and secret places to look at it and get this accomplished.  So if I’m not cleaning my house/blogging/feeding my children/pretending to care about my husband’s Sims 3 game as much as I probably should be, I’m probably in one of the following places with the book:

  • Up in my bedroom with a flashlight under the covers, hoping no one will realize I’m missing.
  • On the couch pretending to make a list of chores for the kids.
  • In the closet back behind a few rubbermaid containers claiming I am just “making the switch to the Spring clothes”.
  • In the kitchen making dishwashing sounds-oh hell no one is going to believe that one.
  • Inside the mountain of laundry with the camping lantern on the back porch.
  • In the car. (Interestingly enough, not in the garage because there are a few things preventing my car from fitting in there, including a bathtub.  I’m dead serious.)
  • On the toilet-duh.
  • In the basement, pretending to defrost the freezer, clean the dead mouse out of the furnace, and/or clean out the litterbox.

Meanwhile, I’m also dreaming up how I’m going to work the whole “poop roulette” thing into a post so that maybe I can be featured in the next one.  I can dream, right?

If you can’t wait for my review, and I am by no means telling you that you should (this IS me you know, I haven’t read a whole book since I had kids) then go to Amazon and take a look-see and order yourself up a fresh copy HERE.  And in case you’re wondering, I don’t get any credit for this.  BUT you can sure give me some brownie points by somehow working my name in there.  Something like writing in the review area there “Sarah from The Sadder But Wiser Girl, a fine humor writer (who ISN’T IN THIS BOOK and what a tragedy that is and should really be in the next one) recommended that I buy this book even though she hasn’t finished reading it herself yet…”

I begged for the book.  I have to find time to read it.  Think they'll find me back here?

I begged for the book. Now I have to find time to read it. Think they’ll find me back here?

I Go Cheap But Today I’m Not At Home

If you see these being suggested on Denise's blog here soon, then my job here is done...

If you see these being suggested on Denise’s blog here soon, then my job here is done…

As I’m easing back into the life of a blogger, I’m starting by repaying some debts of sorts.  Today I’m over guest posting for Denise at Go Cheap or Go Home.  My post is an oldie but a goodie.  Come on over to see what I’m doing over there, and check out her stuff while you’re visiting.  You won’t be disappointed!

From Preschool to Kindergarten Cop: What I Got Out of Subbing

funny teacher gift

I don’t get gifts because I’m the sub.  Yet there are days when I would have said this. (Though I DO think a monogram out of crayons would be cool.)

I’m winding down my sub job this week-two more days and I’m a free woman again.  It’s been good for me, but I must admit I’m ready for some time back home.  You know, being a horrible manager of my time, bored and broke again…

This whole job thing was much more challenging than I thought it would have been.  This didn’t necessarily have anything to do with the job itself.  This is because some other things happened.  First of all, about a month in, Evil Genius embarked upon a project at work that will probably last at least 4 more weeks and makes him work 500 hour weeks.  I know there aren’t 500 hours in a week, but to him (and me) it really feels like it.  He leaves long before most humans even think about getting up to go pee, and returns home at night with enough time to eat supper and go to bed. Naturally, my reaction to all of this is to tell him I’ll write a song about it, make him coffee when I remember, and kill him with kindness when he is in SUCH a good mood (I love you honey…)

Then the poor girl I was working with had a family tragedy and had to take some much needed time off.  With both of the regular classroom teachers having to be gone, I had to step up quickly and do stuff that I’m well capable of but just wasn’t expecting to have to do.  It made things very interesting, to say the least!  On the other hand, I think it worked out pretty well that I had been the one that was there instead of several people trying to fill in the hours.

Other things happened too, I’ll get to those in a minute…

Anyway, as I was working these last two months I definitely had some moments and I learned some things too:

Anyone who says that they are going to quit drinking diet pop upon returning to work are setting themselves up for epic failure.

Never hesitate to ask for help from your fellow bloggers.  They will RUN to your aid!

Don’t ask your husband to do anything non work related because you can’t.  He won’t remember.

Having your own child in your classroom means you are basically working two full-time jobs, teacher AND Mommy.

Oh she's cute, but it was a challenge having her in the same classroom sometimes!

Oh she’s cute, but it was a challenge having her in the same classroom sometimes!

Upon deciding to work a job in another town, you are guaranteeing there will be at least one winter storm per week, and one to two snow days per pay period.

Anyone who says they are going to quit eating sugar when they go back to work are setting themselves up for epic failure.  Especially when Valentines and Easter are in that time frame.

Guest bloggers are the way to go when you need to be busy doing something, or are tired, or just don’t want to blog.  I just wish I had done that sooner!

When things change, your ADD son will miss getting off the bus at the right place at least once.

No matter how good your dog seems, when he’s left to his own devices for days on end, he will poop on your floor.  AND tear stuff up.  AND be a general pain in your rear.  It’s a good thing he’s cute.

This didn't happen-but other messes were made.

This didn’t actually happen-but other messes were made.

Anyone who says they are going to quit taking Ambien to help them sleep when they go back to work are setting themselves up for epic failure.

Apple Jacks are never a good idea for breakfast when you have to last from 5:30 am until lunch.

If glasses are to be broken with no hope of repair, it will be the expensive ones, not the free ones.

No matter how nice the weather is, if you choose to leave your dog outside all day (because he poops on the floor and tears stuff up) the temperature will drop to negative numbers and there will be a blizzard.

Never in my life have I wanted to quote Kindergarten Cop so much.  You don’t know how many times I wanted to yell “There is no BATHROOM!”  I can even think of a couple of Arnold moments that I had.  But what happens in preschool stays in preschool.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Certain little girls who hold in their poop will find new ways to keep it in.  No matter how much fiber you give her.  Add to the fact that you don’t really know when the last time she actually went was, it’s kind of a “poop roulette”.

It’s nice to have an excuse to be on Pinterest-I have to find art ideas for work!

Never ever make plans when you are a substitute teacher.

Things usually work out-you just have to give them time.  This has nothing to do with the noncompliant pooper, it has everything to do with life in general.

Sleep.  I knew it well once.  And I’m an insomniac-that’s not saying much.

I’ll be back with actual posts hopefully later this week.  In the meantime… tomorrow:  toodle on over to Go Cheap or Go Home to visit me.  I’m posting an oldie but a goodie-the poor girl wanted some time off! 

I really won't be a pah-ty poop-ah.  I will be baaaack!

I really won’t be a pah-ty poop-ah. I will be baaaack!

Weekly Wrap-Up: All Good Things Must Come To An End…

HA HA HA!  Wish I had seen this one before my Secret Swap post...

It kind of goes with the end.  HA HA HA! Wish I had seen this one before my Secret Swap post…but that really has nothing to do with this now does it?

Now that other people are done doing the work for me, I guess I need to get on the stick and start writing some posts.  I am done with my sub position in two days, or two weeks, or whenever anyone actually knows that I’m done.  I have yet to be told the official word.  I hope that if I’m supposed to stick around, they’ll let me know because otherwise I won’t be there!

I had a whole eight days of people posting their stuff for little me, in other words a week of women who rock!  My week of guest bloggers did the following:

These posts made me…

…want to go to a Renaissance Fair REALLY BADLY!  Cleavage and Kilts

…realize just how creepy Waldo is.  Where’s Waldo?  Answer:  Creepytown

…reminisce about Prom.  Briefly.  St Patrick’s Day and the Prom Date Snatcher

…think about all of the wonderful friendships I’ve made through blogging.  Friendship is the Best Ship of All

…know that Jenn has ALL the answers to any question Google throws at her, and have Haddaway stuck in my head for several days now.  Google Has the Questions, Jenn Has The Answers

…feel smug that I really haven’t done much Facebook stalking.  Dear Facebook:  I Am Not A Stalker!

…recall all of the reasons why I AM NOT still teaching in the system.  The Reality of Education

…smile and be reassured that I am not the only blogger who isn’t so savvy with today’s electronics.  Analog Girl Stuck in a Digital World

Please be a dear and check them out when you get a chance if you haven’t already!  Please go check out their blogs as well.

I loved all of the posts...

I loved all of the posts…

I’d like to thank all of the ladies who came to my aid when I needed some time to garner brainpower.
Marcia from Menopausal Mother
Lisa from Ranting Seriously
Ginger from The Wild and Wonderful World of Gingerssnaps
Darla from Mom’s World
Jenn from Something Clever 2.0
Denise from Go Cheap or Go Home
Stephanie from When Crazy Meets Exhaustion
Tamara from PenPaperPad

What’s extra cool about this is that we are connected outside of the blogging sphere in one way or another. We chat on Facebook, tweet back and forth, email each other back and forth, and are huge supporters of one another.  You will never meet a better group of people than women who blog!  I hope we continue these friendships, and maybe some day we might even get to meet in person!

BlogFriends

I’d also like to thank my readers.  I was told time and time again about what a wonderful group of people I have that follow my blog, that they had never seen such a welcoming, loyal group of people.  Thank you for being you, and I hope you keep coming back!

Other Stuff That Happened To Me
This week I was followed by someone with the same maiden name as me, just a little bit different spelling, and followed by a blog with a similar name.  Weeeeeird…  I hope I’m not stalking myself!

I also wrote an actual post too.  I wrote it awhile ago, but I was the one that wrote it!  Michael Bolton not included.  Fly on the Wall March 2013:  The Michael Bolton Edition

Best and most disturbing search terms this week:
Exploding legos They make those?  Or I wonder if this person was actually looking for this?

legos

Is it sad that I knew right where to find this?

Pornstache girl  Um, ok. Wasn’t that on an episode of Raising Hope?  No?

McDonald’s iced coffee poop Huh?  I swear people type these in just to see if I put them on here…

Coming Up
This next week I’ll be trying to get back at it.  Monday I’m sharing some of the things I’ve learned.  Tuesday I have an oldie but a goodie over at Go Cheap or Go Home.  Thursday I write a letter to my 16 year old self for Theme Thursday.  Who knows what else I’ll come up with-I have a new episode or two of The ADD Mom…series in the works  as well as a post about the childcare/education system.  And Evil Genius got a smartphone-the possibilities with this post are ENDLESS!  😀

zits4

I love Zits!

I hope you have a most excellent week!  😀

Analog Girl Stuck in a Digital World

The last in my series of guest bloggers who rock, Tamara is the woman behind PenPaperPad.  She and I both belong to the blogging group Bloppy Bloggers.  I love her writing!  I thought that she would be an awesome choice to round out my week of guest bloggers.  I was right-she submitted a most excellent post for me!

The biography of Miss Tamara Woods:

me

Tamara Woods is a poet, blogger and generally pusher of words from Honolulu by way of West Virginia. Her current big project is getting her first collection of poetry, The Shaping of an “Angry Black Woman to an e-store near you. You can cyber stalk her via Twitter, Facebook and check out her mumbling on her blog, PenPaperPad.

Here is her post:

I’m getting a new phone. You my dear readers, don’t even know how truly steeped in awesome this is.

It involved a summit in the house between my boyfriend (The Mathemagician) and me. I told him that I needed all 4 Gs. All of them.

He asked, “What are the Gs for?” Quizzing me like I need logic.

I said, “I don’t know, but I’m CONVINCED I need all of them.”  Ha! This is my understanding of technology.

Before these fancy-pants new phones with their swipey technology and apps, I would keep a cell for like five years! My current phone has been in my hot little hands for a little over a year. Already it lags, failing when I try to upload things to any social media site, pretending like it’s all full of data like my texts are its Thanksgiving dinner—memory too full to text my left fanny. Then the crashing, oh for the crashing. I had to develop a trick for texting on this phone:

  1.           Write and send text,
  2.           When it inevitably gets stuck on a send screen, hit the back arrow.
  3.           After receiving the message letting me know it’s sorry but it needs to close (again) then I click on wait.
  4.           Seven times out of 10 this will cause the text to send. Otherwise, I have to take the battery out, because it’s 100 percent frozen.

WHAT?! When did phones need a secret decoder ring to use it?!

I feel like an analog girl stuck in a digital world.

I want to use one of the fanciers cassette tapes (remember the ones that were see-through and you could SEE THE TAPE? (Oooh…classy.) I can sit in front of my stereo, listening to FM or college radio (satellite radio, what? Nope, I don’t know about you yet. I have to press record at just the right time, so I can make a radio deejay mixed tape masterpiece. This one will be for long drives.

I’d really like to have a phone that I used as a phone instead of a multi-tasking time waster. The only time I actually talk on the thing is either to schedule an appointment or talk to my Mom. (Which sometimes feels like a doctor’s appointment forever asking me how the plumbing is going down there and if she’ll be holding a grandbaby any time before she dies. Don’t worry, my Mom has been talking about things happening before she dies since the 80s. She doesn’t even ask me about getting married first anymore this one. She’s traded wedding bells for booties.)

What was I talking about again?

Oh yeah, technohell.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m really glad for technology. Without it, I wouldn’t be able to share ideas with you guys and I’d have to leave my house and meet people IRL. *gulp*

Sometimes I just with the future was a little further away. I feel like I’ve stepped into a sci-fi film, but without all the special effects. The year 2020 used to sound so distant and foreign like flying cars and a hallowdeck where I could pretend to be in France in the early 1900s sipping tea and eating something chocolate. Now it’s only 7 years away!

So, I’m getting a new phone. Hopefully, this one will last for at least two years before advances in phone technology makes me have to develop a decoder ring to upload a photo to Instagram.

Fly on the Wall March 2013: The Michael Bolton Edition

fly

Have you ever thought about what people might think if they saw what goes on behind-the-scenes at your house? Do you ever wonder what it would be like to catch a glimpse of someone else’s daily life? Here’s your chance. Today 16 brave bloggers are inviting you into their homes to be a fly on the wall.

Buzz around, see what you think, then click on the link below the post for a peek into some other homes:

Originally I was going to do a post solely dedicated to Evil Genius.  Then I went ahead and used my material for A Man, A Plan, And A Stache.  However, I do think I can share these gems that I already have taken up the memory on WordPress since I uploaded it previously.  May I present evolution in my household…

February 2013-001

No hair, full beard, and then pornstache. We’re now back to clean shaven.

There wasn’t just the growth, reduction and then removal of facial hair going on this month, we had other things happening too:

Me to Evil Genius “Aren’t you done yet with that game you’re playing?  What is it, Twilight?”
Evil Genius:  “It’s Skyrim!  Not Twilight!  How dare you insult my game?”
In my defense, I knew it had to do with the sky.

The Professor is laughing hysterically at first a show and then a commercial after it.  It was getting out of hand.
“Ok, that’s enough!”  Evil Genius says to him.
“All right,” The Professor replies “I’ll only laugh if something’s funny.”
Evil Genius interjects, “I hope so.  People that laugh at things that aren’t funny are called crazy people.”

Princess:  “Mommy you are older than when you were 18 years old.”
Me “Yes.”
Princess:  “You are older than when you were four years old.”
Me:  “Yes, where are you going with this?”

Evil Genius:  “Anyone have a protractor?”
Me:  “Yes, I think there is one up in the **crap cabinet…. Oh wait, is that the thingie that you draw circles with or the arc thingie?”
Evil Genius: *hysterical laughter for quite some time*  “It’s the arc looking thing.  The other of which you speak is a compass.”
Me:  *Goes upstairs to the crap cabinet, cannot find this arc looking thing so I bring what I can find*  “Can I interest you in fancy letter stencils, a ruler, or a bowl that you can trace?”
**The Crap Cabinet is our Craft Cabinet, only we quit calling it that a long time ago…

Am I the only one who sees 99 views on my blog and automatically goes THERE-you know, to singing “99 Blog Page Views…”.  Oh come ON, it’s to the tune of 99 Red Balloons!

Evil Genius to Princess Difficult:  “Give me back my hat!  I need it until I get a sombrero.”

The Professor:  “I want carrots, but not those Pehtight ones.”
WHAT????  It took me a minute… “Oh, you mean the petite ones!”

Me to Evil Genius “I’m freaking out a little.  We got some ominous looking mail today.”
Evil Genius gives me a strange look “Ominous?”
ME:  “It was playing organ music and everything.”

Princess Difficult is eating some leftover fish from the night before:  “Mommy, did you catch this fish in the ocean?”

Evil Genius:  “You know what my Ipod is missing?  Michael Bolton.”
And then we had to look up his music because neither of us could remember anything by him except this SNL digital short:

Princess Difficult to me after spending the day with grandma while I worked:  “Mommy I will NEVER let you go out by yourself again!”

On a Monday morning at 5:45 am, Evil Genius was trying to finds his steel-toed boots.  He could only find one.  We were both just dumbfounded about where the other one could be.  He went to work sans boots.  That night when he got home he asked The Professor if he had seen his boot.  The Professor knew right where it was.  He ran into his room and appeared with the boot.  The reason it was in his room? “We kept it just in case the boxelder bug came back.”

The Princess is giving all of the kitties on the various animal shelter websites that show up in my newsfeed on Facebook.  “That one is Flossie.  I want to call that one Mimi.”  She spies a long haired gray one.  “That one is named Alcohol!”

Evil Genius told me that someone he knew made Scottish eggs.
Me:  “Aren’t those the eggs with the meat around them?”
Evil Genius:  “Yes.”
Me:  “Sounds unhealthy.”
Evil Genius:  “If you wrapped en egg with ground chicken, could you then ask ‘what came first, the chicken or the egg?'”

I hope you enjoyed this look into the nuttiness that goes on in my house!  Now check out these other links and see what a fly on the wall would see in their household!

www.BakingInATornado.com

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/

http://followmehome.shellybean.com

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/

http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/

http://mybrainonkids.net/

http://smn0409.blogspot.com/

www.therowdybaker.com

http://www.findingfelicity.com

http://caramelliving.blogspot.com/