Dude, Where’s My Love? Oh THERE It Is…

Words to live by.

Words to live by.

I’ve shared several times that I’m the person that, well, never quite fits in.  Never have.  I’ve always been a bit odd.  I wish I could say that it doesn’t bother me because I’m older and wiser now and blah blah blah.  But more often than not it does bother me.  Which is too bad, because if I’m still having teenage angst at 38, that doesn’t bode well for my middle aged years.  What age is considered middle age these days, anyway?  I just read an article about Brad Pitt and how introspective he’s been as he approaches 50.  So maybe it’s 50?  I didn’t have the attention span to finish the whole article anyway…

I’ve tried to fit in, and it just never quite works out the way I’d like it to.  I tend to stick out like a sore thumb, which is interesting because that sure doesn’t stop people when I’m in groups of parents from pretending I’m totally not there.  Sometimes I want to turn to them and say, “You know, I may not be 100 pounds and have my hair perfectly styled and wearing the skinny jeans and the too tight sweater, but I’m a perfectly nice person.  You act like I’m going to wipe a booger on you.”  I really wouldn’t do that, but I certainly wouldn’t put it past my son.  I think I may have referred to good old Winona playing Lydia Dietz on Beetlejuice, which is still one of my favorite movies.  She comments:  “I too am strange and unusual.”  That’s for sure, I could probably win some prizes for strange and unusual!  I’ll take cash, please.

My whole life is a darkroom. One big dark room.

My whole life is a darkroom. One big dark room.

Being part of the whole blogging world has been pretty darn good for me.  Yesterday was EPIC!  I exceeded the number of people that are my “Fans” on Facebook.  I won’t tell you how many of them that are actually my family and friends, but I will say I about bet they are really getting tired of all the crap I have been posting.  I also managed to get the most page hits ever (AGAIN) on here.  This was due to two factors.  1)  I kept relentlessly peddling my story about peeing my pants at Wal-Mart.  I think people finally started reading it so maybe they wouldn’t have to see it, but then realized that it was actually pretty funny.  2)  I am technologically impaired, and spent two hours fighting with WordPress about images.  I almost burned my I ♥ WordPress shirt over the whole deal.  No I DON’T want to put all of my image at the top of my blog post.  Why?  Because I think it looks stupid.  The result was that I totally put everything on my blog post wrong.  Each picture got an individual hit when viewed that counted toward my total visits for the day.  Ooops.  I may accidentally make that mistake again…

I’ve been going through this whole glorious depression thing which in itself is not very interesting or much of a tale to tell.  Unless you like stories about people who cry at the organic grocery store.   But that’s not why I’m writing this.  This is my public service announcement to the world about just giving people a little bit of understanding.

Not that kind of pubic service announcement, but do you remember these guys?  "We're not candy!  Even though we may look fine and dandy..."

Not that kind of pubic service announcement, but do you remember these guys? “We’re not candy! Even though we may look fine and dandy…”

I’m still new to the blogging world because, well, I just am.  I read a lot of different blogs.  One humor blog that I have recently started reading was having a hard time.  Bad decisions, bad luck.  She obviously needed someone to listen.  I commented and left her some real words of encouragement, and that I understood all too well how it feels when life sucks.  I didn’t offer advice, I just wanted to let her know that we are all human.  Every stinkin one of us, and that we are not perfect.  She was really touched.  I’m not writing to tell you all that I am a fabulous person that changed somebody’s life, because I didn’t, I just know how it feels to be there and no one seems to care. You just want some understanding.

I’ve been there, many times in my life, and I have felt very alone many of those times.  One great thing about this online world is that you aren’t ever really alone.  I haven’t exactly had a lot of support for this blog from the homefront.  It’s not that he doesn’t care.  He’s busy, the last thing he really wants to hear is that somebody commented on this or I have this many followers or whatever.  My daughter would rather I throw my computer out the window so I can spend more time doing nothing but cuddling with her.  Luckily I have had a lot of support from the others who do the same thing I do, and that has been wonderful.  I’ve had people help me fix up my blog, tell me where I need to go to get more exposure, and just let me know that they genuinely like how I write and are loyal followers.  Aw heck, this week I have even agreed to do some guest posts on some great blogs!  You have no idea how much that means to me.  The feeling that I am successful at doing something is huge.  Now if I can only get those people who do the “Freshly Pressed” page here at WordPress to get that (hint, hint folks, show me some loooooooove.)

This is to all of the people who've been so awesome to me in this here blogging world.

This is to all of the people who’ve been so awesome to me in this here blogging world.

One thing I’ve struggled with the last couple of years is exercising, and with the being an unemployed bum AND not being able to get out and move around I have really sunk into the depths of bummerdom.  I already don’t feel wonderful about other things, so the extra smooshiness around my middle (not a muffin top, more of a coffee cake) is certainly taking some of its toll on my self esteem.  One fabulous blogging friend reached out to me and let me know that she too has been there, and has been very supportive of me throughout the flab and the anxiety.  It made all the difference.  I’m not going to name her, but she knows who she is!  😉

It’s getting better.  I’m feeling a lot better the last few days.  I’ve gotten out, I’ve moved around, I’ve done some stuff.  Now I’m still unemployed and feel like a big losery loser, but I’ve got a lot more hope than I’ve had.  The candle is still flickering in there!

I’m thinking back to when I was employed, however, and working around toxic people all of the time, and thinking that in a way maybe I am better off NOT working.  One woman in particular had the nerve to tell all of my coworkers during an organization wide meeting in the room that I was weird.  ALOUD.  Right in front of me.  It had to be the most backhanded compliment I had ever had in my life.  If I wasn’t so nice, I would have thrown my pizza at her.  But I sat and took it.  People like that, well, I hope they get what they deserve.  Thhhhhhpt!

Are you wondering if I forgot what my point was?  No, I’m still doing my little public service announcement.  If you see someone who is usually pretty funny have a heartfelt blog post, and you can relate, just take a moment and share that with them.  It’s so good to know that you’re not alone.  Or maybe there’s a mom who is a little different and doesn’t seem too comfortable around other parents.  Take a moment and say hi, you may be glad you did.  People like to be approved!

We constantly quote this, I didn't even know what it was called until I accidentally found it.

We constantly quote this, I didn’t even know what it was called until I accidentally found it.  I was APPROVED!!!!

The Approval Center (Click to view)

So hey, it’s the holidays.  Share the love.  Come on people now, smile on your brother (or sister).  Just because I’m feeling pretty good about this, I’m going to share this classic commercial, because I can.  And because I REALLY want a Coke.  Peace man.

Coca-Cola Hilltop Commercial.

Again, my apologies for no image to go with this.  I only had the above images because I had this post almost done before they did whatever that they did that I am too ADD to figure out.  Anyhooooo….  Last minute additions have no visuals!

19 thoughts on “Dude, Where’s My Love? Oh THERE It Is…

  1. Aww that is a nice post. We do think alike I think. I posted that batman picture on facebook two days ago. We are all human doing our best to make the most of this world. A smile with expression, words, touch etc can reach a person within moments and not cost us anything. Great post love.

    • Thanks! I’m thinking of branching out and peeing my pants in other places. Dollar General, Kmart, it could be a whole series! 😀 And it doesn’t cost a dime to pee your pants in a public place. I’m all for the cheap stuff these days!

  2. I would like to let you know that I am going through a very similar situation. I don’t write about it on my blog because I am a bit ashamed of how my family in law would react “they are not my biggest fans”. Last July, I left work, it was a hard decision because my salary was very big and helped out a lot around here, but I did it for my son, my hub and myself. My work was impacting my family in a very negative way. I had a very important position and had to work more than 60hrs in a week and was not worth it. I was always in a bad mood when I was home and didn’t spend enough time with my family. I quit for us. During the last months I was working, I was also going through a difficult time because of some of my coworkers, they destroyed my reputation and attacked me during meetings by using “she is a new mom, she cant dedicate herself to her work like she used to” I feel the same way you do about this except you wrote it better: “I’m thinking back to when I was employed, however, and working around toxic people all of the time, and thinking that in a way maybe I am better off NOT working. One woman in particular had the nerve to tell all of my coworkers during an organization wide meeting in the room that I was weird. ALOUD. Right in front of me. ” I have read many of your posts and can relate and I try hard every day to hide it from everyone that I am depressed. 🙂 thanks for reading 🙂 it feels great to be part of this blogging world 🙂 I have in these last few months built beautiful relationships 🙂

    • It’s been great for me! I used to share the not so funny posts much more frequently-reading back through my blog I can see how it’s evolved, which is kind of cool. I figure we’re all allowed a few gut spilling sad posts because after all, we’re out there to connect! Everyone can relate. And some day when we’re rich and famous bloggers we can all go out to dinner together and celebrate our awesomeness! Oh wait, maybe not rich. I guess we’ll have to go to Burger King… 😉

      I’m glad you enjoy reading this blog. Keeping my fingers crossed it will continue to evolve into something very cool and maybe even *gasp* some paying work for me!

  3. I’m weird too. I usually feel like my mom friends are prettier and more put together etc. than me. I always say the wrong thing or trip over my words. Anyway…I’m with you.

  4. ALWAYS CHOOSE BATMAN!!! Love it! Great post. I think people find me weird now but in my formative years I was tooo obliging. I’m mixed and in mostly white schools you don’t want to reinforce many stereotypes of black people. So I became HYPER aware of how everyone was receiving me. I still do it but it’s something I have to learn to stop. I’m sure I would not think you would wipe a booger on me. I have a 2 year old anyway and they would blend in with the ones he wipes on me anyway.

  5. I totally love this! I have never felt so “not alone” in my life as i have since i started blogging! It is truly one of the most awesome things- being a girl, a wife, and a mommy can feel very lonely, overwhelming and hard, and knowing people really get it is amazing. Great post!

  6. What an awesome post!

    You know, this time last year I wasn’t doing so hot myself. I had a tough time with getting my child to sleep for 11 months. It was beyond ridiculous. And the sleep deprivation started to get to me. And, my husband works 14 hour days and my parents live overseas, so I wasn’t getting any help.

    Anyway, I slipped into a postpartum funk and it wasn’t fun. And then I started blogging and I slowly started to lift out of it. Funny how that happens – I feel like people finally GET me, and that I have a purpose other than wiping someone’s ass and cleaning food off of the kitchen floor.

    It’s made me feel more confident, and I am starting to think of turning this whole writing gig into a job once my child starts school.

    (I ended up deleting all of my old posts and changing the name of my blog – it was THAT depressing!)

    So, you’re not alone, sister. I know what you’re going through, and I’m thrilled that you are starting to lift out of it yourself. And I’m glad we found each other because your blog kicks some serious ass.

    On that note, why not see if you can do some freelancing? You have a lot of talent, so it wouldn’t hurt to try??? That’ll show the hubs – imagine if you turned the blog he doesn’t support you with into a freaking pay check?! WOO HOO!


  7. hang in there you… and please do know that you are not alone and that we ALL struggle with insecurities and energy and motivation issues, some days more than others. You win some, you lose some… unless of course you are Batman and then you win all of them. But apparently there can only be one batman, ever. So the rest of us are left group hugging each other… squeeze. =)

    I’m stopping by from An Ephesians 5:33 Wife to say “hi” and to invite you to join for An Aloha Affair, a sweet gathering and growing together of creative souls. You are always welcome. Always.


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