June Secret Subject Swap Pt 1-Star Wars: Return of Red Solo (Cups)

Welcome to Take One of June’s Secret Subject Swaps. This week, 11 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

George Lucas just called you–he knows you are a HUGE Star Wars fan, and he tells you he is tweaking one of his older movies. He wants to cast YOU in the film as a new character, and lets you choose the movie and the type of character you would be. Tell us your role and how it would change the movie.

It was submitted by: http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/

Disclaimer:  I’ve been under a lot of stress due to neck, head, and back pain, therefore affecting my writing.  Read with caution.  I am not responsible for pants peed from laughing or followers running away and screaming and never coming back to my blog again.  There, you’ve been warned.  Now keep reading if you’re not too scared to do so…

What else do you do with the death star but make a death star bra?

What else do you do with the death star but make a death star bra?

It is with great pleasure that I write using this prompt, because 1)  I am a huge fan of the original movies.  2)  Marcia Doyle aka Menopausal Mother is a good friend of mine and
3)  Anyone could play the part of Anakin Skywalker better than Hayden Christiansen, including me.

Today I will be enacting the second subplot within Return of the Jedi, also known as the worst of the original trilogy and the movie “with all those teddy bear looking things.”  If you aren’t familiar with the Star Wars movies, or maybe you are, you might want to access this quick tutorial of the original movie before you read on…

Obviously I would have to be a shapely redhead with big blue eyes and mad typing skills.  I’d play Red Solo, Han Solo’s first cousin seventeen times removed.  But since it’s the Star Wars universe, and we can’t be too obvious that she’s a Solo we have to give her a pseudonym.  It can’t be anything normal, it would have to be something like Fon Doo, Lap Dans, or Shasta Windbreaker.  I like Shasta, we’ll go with that.

Shasta Windbreaker is the key to the entire Star Wars universe.  She’s the assistant to the Emperor’s assistant.  No one knows that she is a double agent.  She’s actually a member of PMS-a secret order of Jedi that Darth Vader did not find and destroy during the Clone Wars.  She organizes a resistance within the Empire luring Imperials over by bribing them with cookies.

the dark sideAlong with her droid 3M and her handsome but dumb companion Duh Mahn, she sets out to destroy the Empire from the inside out.

What she doesn’t know though is that her fellow PMSer Lady Vagisil has gone to the dark side and is planning on exposing their whole plan.  She and her accomplice, Saran Rapp, are secretly organizing the PMS army of jedis to strike against the good guys.  She also bakes better cookies, and therefore manages to lure the people that had just been lured to Shasta’s side back to her side.  So poor Shasta is left without anyone on her side other than Duh Mahn, who is just not a smart guy.

Determined to complete her mission, Shasta and Duh make plans to leave the Imperial Cruiser They attempt to leave by taking their ship, The Flatulent Penguin, but quickly realize that the ship is unable to fly very far.  Apparently Duh has a knack of picking bad spaceships.  Several previous ones that he has purchased, including The Fat Emu and The Frolicking Platypus, didn’t pan out either for some reason.  So instead they have to stow away on an Imperial Carnival Cruise Ship.

It's a TrampAs they quickly discover it’s a tramp… I mean trap!

Our heroes are quickly discovered by the PMSers.  Lady Vagisil decided to put an end to Shasta once for all by challenging her to a karoake sing off.  The songs?  “It’s the End of the World As We Know It” by REM, “Informer” by Snow, and “The Morning After” by Maureen McGovern.  As Shasta goes up to sing, Lady Vagisil tries to choke her death with her Sith chokehold.  It’s Duh to the rescue.  He runs onstage with a folding chair and knocks her off the stage with it.

A duel to the death with foot long corndogs ensues.  There is ketchup, there is mustard, but there is no mercy!

In the end, Shasta spares Lady Vagisil’s life.  But why?  WHY would she do such a thing?

Because Lady Vagisil is really… Princess Leia’s siamese twin sister, Lola Skywalker.  They were joined at the feet, but were separated at birth.  Shasta was able to sense this with her super force senses and underwear that glows whenever a member of the Skywalker family is present.  Of course what really gave it away was the croissants on her head.

sisterHaving decided to go to the lighter side, Lady Vagisil and Shasta join forces to help finish the Empire once and for all.  But before they can even leave the cruise ship, breaking news is broadcast on the Cruise News Channel.  The Emperor and Lord Vader are dead, the Death Star is destroyed, the Empire is defeated, and the whole galaxy is cordially invited to a weenie roast on the forest moon of Endor.

On Endor she crosses paths with her distantly related cousin.  She sees him and nods.  He says, “Wassup?” (The Solos have never been known for being very affectionate.)

However, after a long talk, she and Han decide to go into the disposable cup business together so that Leia can stay home and take care of all of the Ewoks they ended up adopting.  Now you know where Solo Cups really come from.

HanSoloCupHere are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

http://BakingInATornado.com                                 Baking In A Tornado

http://themomisodes.com/                                    The Momisodes

http://dinoheromommy.com/                                  Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                              Just A Little Nutty

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                       Follow me home . . .

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/           Moore Organized Mayhem

http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/                           The Insomniac’s Dream

http://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com/                     The Sadder But Wiser Girl

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/             Stacy Sews and Schools

http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/                  Menopausal Mother

http://www.noteveryonecanbeamermaid.com           Not Everyone Can Be A Mermaid

Working Off The Flabby Flab

king-julien1

You’re probably wondering what King Julian from Madagascar is doing on my blog.  You see, he’s been in my head lately.  He’s the voice of my conscience, sort of.  He’s inside my head saying with that voice, “You have the flabby flab.”

I think I’ve mentioned the fact that I’m jealous of my husband’s gym membership.  He slacked off for awhile, but now Evil Genius has recently joined the ranks of those returning to the gym.  He has been a gym maniac, going every chance he could.  I haven’t jumped on this bandwagon because that particular gym that he gets the free membership through work is an hour away.  A bit of a drive to get back in shape, don’t you think?

I wanted to insert a reference to Flashdance here, but when typing it in I found this scene from Scrubs.  I don’t remember this one…HA HA!

After listening to him whine complain talk about how he was sore from his workouts, I decided to take some action.  It’s not that I want to be in pain, I’m just wanting to start getting back in shape.  We’re in a better financial situation than we have been, so I thought I would call the gym that I used to belong to and beg plead offer my firstborn speak to them about waiving the hefty “orientation fee” so I could start working out again.  As it turned out, I didn’t need to.  One of the perks of where I am subbing is that I can get a discounted membership taken directly out of my check.  This gym happens to be just a few blocks from where I work.

I went in to work out on Saturday because I was in town by myself doing grocery shopping anyway, and it was GLORIOUS!  I was almost intoxicated from the excitement.  I did an upper an lower body workout using all of the weight machines, and also used the elliptical and the treadmill.  The treadmills and ellipticals have tvs with every channel known to man.  If I hadn’t started feeling guilty about leaving my children with Evil Genius for a better part of the day I would probably still be there.  They are open 24 hours, you know.

Here’s the thing that gets me.  How come I can’t bring myself to work out when I’m at home?  I have free weights. I have a mat. I have workout DVDs including all of the Jillian Michaels videos (I’m still afraid she’ll eat me). I even have a treadmill (without incline, but you can at least change the speed).  What is keeping me from exercising whenever the heck I want?  Well for one, there are no children or dogs or cats to fight with at the gym.  Even when the weather is nice, if I am home by myself, I have to fight with the four year old.  Her mood totally dictates if I will walk and how long I will walk if so.  I could walk at night or early in the morning, though.  How come I am so lazy about walking when the weather gets cold?  I have thermals, I have things I can layer, there is really  no excuse!  After all, there is nothing sexier than me getting all dolled up in my Han Solo planet Hoth winter coat.

I don't actually own a Taun Taun.

I don’t actually own a Taun Taun.

I felt so great about working out, but mad at myself for letting it go for so long.  While I have accepted the fact that I will never be a size four again, I haven’t wanted to look at myself in the full length mirror in quite some time.  While I’m not overweight, the best word I can think to describe myself these days is “squishy”.  Now I wouldn’t trade my kids in for a perfect body, but wouldn’t it be nice if I could get back to being comfortable in the one I have?

I don’t eat as well as I should.  I don’t work out as often as I should (until now).  I don’t get off the couch as much as I should and not necessarily from lack of motivation. It’s more from I’m blogging and networking and I JUST CAN’T STOP!  Working for a whole month now has already caused me to shrink a little, and I am comfortably back in my size 8 boot-cut jeans.  Now there is still quite a bit of coffee cake top spilling over, but perhaps this new found motivation will cause that to not spill as much.

So this is the start of a new work week.  Unfortunately I have to miss the gym today.  I have to go run errands on my break and won’t have time.  Since I have to leave promptly at five to be sure to pick up my son by 5:30 in a town almost a half hour away, doing it after work is kind of out of the question.  Normally I’d say these things can wait anyway, but the light bulb burned out in our shower.  We have to shower by lantern until we replace the bulb, and of course it is a “special” bulb.  Showering with light is a bit important, especially if you are shaving your legs.  So instead of pumping iron, I’ll be going to Lowe’s.

Barring any other major weather/running out of something/special bulbs burning out then I swear I’ll be hitting the gym the rest of the week, and looking forward to it!

HansFranz

e Hans and Franz would be so disappointed in me for letting myself go like this.

Oh yes, don’t forget to vote for me on “Top Mommy Blogs”.  As far as I know, you just click the icon in the sidebar and that’s all you have to do.  Considering I can’t remember to say anything about it, I’m sure I have a whole four votes.  It’s ok, I’m doing it more out of feeling badly for getting registered and then not doing anything with it than actually caring about how many votes I get!