Fly on the Wall April 2015: The Mutant Fly Edition

Fly on the WallHoly cow I think we have mutant flies. The biggest fly I’ve seen in a long time keeps landing on my screen. Heyyyyyyy wait a minute, I bet he wants to help me write my Fly on the Wall post!

Why would a fly want to help me write?  Let me explain a little about Fly on the Wall… In a nutshell, it’s snippets from life put together to make one post.  Participating bloggers then take said posts and all publish at the same time.  Magically at 10 am EST these posts all appear simultaneously once a month!  So read on to see what the fly and I wrote, then stick around and see what other bloggers wrote by clicking on one or two or ten of the links at the bottom of the post. 

So in other words, what fly WOULDN’T want to get in on that kind of awesomeness?  🙂

This is visual proof of why I get nothing accomplished often.  Cuddly animals and warm soft purple blankies.

This is visual proof of why I get nothing accomplished more often than not. Cuddly animals and warm soft purple blankies.

Me eating ice cream: “Oh ice cream how I love you! Why don’t I eat ice cream more often?”
Me two hours later: *In pain and crying* “Whyyyyyyy do I eat ice cream?????”

(Lactose intolerance, that’s why. It blows.)

That's about right... (From George Takei's Facebook page.)

That’s about right… (From George Takei’s Facebook page.)

Evil Genius to The Professor: “Did you learn anything at Baseball Camp today?”
The Professor: “Nothing that I can remember.”

Couldn’t find the library’s disposable silverware anywhere the other day at work. My choices to eat my mac and cheese were a big wooden spoon or a measuring spoon… I chose the measuring spoon.  It may have looked a little weird, but hey I was HUNGRY!

I'm the one in the purple hat.  I'm wearing three shirts and a jacket-it was COLD!  I finished 58th out of 78.  HEY I BEAT SOME PEOPLE!!!!

This is the 5K that we have in the spring in my town.  We literally can walk outside our door and participate.  I’m the one in the purple hat. It was so cold that I was wearing three shirts and a jacket! How’d I end up?  I finished 58th out of 78. HEY I BEAT SOME PEOPLE!!!!

Things not to do on the day of a 5K that you plan on actually running.
1) Drink orange juice beforehand
2) Eat blueberry waffles beforehand
3) Wear pants that won’t stay up
All bad things to do… trust me. *urp*

The Princess is learning to knit.  We have knitting needles and looms galore.  I'm still waiting for potholders.  Really, I seriously need her to make me some!

The Princess is learning to knit. We have knitting needles and looms galore. I’m still waiting for potholders. Really, I seriously need her to make me some!

*Stares at pair upon pair of black yoga pants in the laundry basket*  Is it possible to have an addiction to yoga pants?

IMG_3394The above picture is from Easter.  Why is my son wearing a button up shirt, tie, and vest?  Certainly not because we told him to. A friend gave us some of her son’s clothes that he had outgrown and he has been obsessed with that outfit ever since.  Every chance he’s got he’s tried to wear it.

The day before Easter… “Mom…”

Me without even hesitating:  “Yes you can wear the shirt and tie.”

He does look pretty cute, even though he started out wearing the shirt over a polo shirt.  He thought it would look extra nice.  We made him take it off.

Speaking of Easter, that bunny was definitely my favorite that weekend.

Speaking of Easter, that bunny was definitely my favorite that weekend.

Random things written on Facebook:

So apparently orange juice is not a viable alternative for milk in cream of chicken soup.

I really hate it when I find meat in my bra.

The Princess and I delivered cookies to my aunt and cousin in the Target parking lot recently. I’m now completely convinced that Girl Scout cookies are another form of crack. “You got the stuff?” “You got the cash?”

Yes those were my children walking to the bus stop in the pouring rain.  Brand new umbrella… Need I say more?

My pets... what a bunch of goofballs.

My pets… what a bunch of goofballs.

Me: “When I was a kid we used typewriters to type things because that was before they had computers for everyday use and things like ipads.”
The Princess: “Yeah. That was a long time before pencils too…”
Yes we etched everything on to a stone tablet…

IMG_3396

Both kids are on orange teams this year! What a coincidence!

My daughter wanted to clean for fun this past weekend.  I don’t think she’s really mine.

Yep that’s right.  Mom has been slacking in the cleaning department.  For whatever reason, my depression has reared its ugly head once again and I feel like doing nothing.  But I’m happy to say that we spent the day cleaning up our kitchen and not only has it stayed that way, I did some more organizing this week!  Now I can’t say much for the rest of the house, but by golly our kitchen looks great!

I always feel at home at Target.  This week I have proof that they really know me there.

I always feel at home at Target. This week I have proof that they really know me there.

Back to the running… there is kind of a happy ending here.  The next 5K was a couple of weeks later.  It was for my husband’s Live Healthy Iowa thingie.  I did decently-and I ran the whole way!  I’m not so sure where I actually finished, I have yet to see any race results.  However the hubby was so proud he got me flowers.  And they’re tie-dyed!

Now he can get flowers for me for when I’m done with the half marathon on May 30th.  He can put them on my grave, because I’ll probably die.

11149822_10204567797971835_579512764931082934_oThis weekend is Evil Genius’s birthday.  He turns the big 4-0.  We will be attempting to make Mountain Dew cupcakes.  I’m sure there will be a good story in there for next month’s Fly on the Wall.  We actually have three birthdays between now and then!  How about that?

So that’s it, short and sweet this month.  Thanks for stopping by and reading…  And how much help was the fly?  At some point the dog ate him.  How’s that for appreciation?  Don’t worry about him, there are plenty more flies out there.  Take a look at some of the blogs below.  They are just buzzing with things for you to read!

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home

http://www.menopausalmom.com/                          Menopausal Mother

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                        Stacy Sews and Schools

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                                   Battered Hope

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                  Just A Little Nutty

http://themomisodes.com                                        The Momisodes

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                            Someone Else’s Genius

http://gndisney.wordpress.com                                Disneyland in Kentucky

http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com                    Searching for Sanity

http://www.angelaweight.com                                Sanity Waiting to Happen

http://dinoheromommy.com/                                   Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                         Juicebox Confession

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Fly on the Wall March 2015: The Headache Edition

Fly on the WallFly on the Wall is a series of snippets from my life that won’t really make up a whole blog post by themselves, but certainly together make up a fun little bit of reading!  What’s unique about this is that participating bloggers all write their posts and they are put up simultaneously for your reading pleasure.  Except mine, because mine was late (see the next paragraph for an explanation below).  Anyhoo, the links to the other blogs are at the bottom of the post.  Please take some time to visit them all, they are wonderful (and funny) people!

So I took a month off from writing, I can’t say that a lot of interesting things happened…  And seriously my computer crashed when I was writing this.  Blue screen of death!  I panicked big time!  Fortunately after shutting it down and letting it sit for awhile, it seems to be okay.  Anyhoo…

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Look who got an American Girl doll. Yep. She named her Lizzie.

One night I had a dream that I was at work and it snowed only it snowed inside and I was trapped at work because I couldn’t drive my car through the snow inside the BUILDING I WORK IN. I need help. Seriously.  I think I just needed Spring.

**********

The Professor saw a commercial for what he thinks will be his new favorite thing: Bacon wrapped deep dish pizza.  Ew.

 **********

My evening spent with my husband ended with conversations about how agricultural sprayers would be advantageous in a zombie apocalypse (as opposed to a combine) and how it would feel to be kicked by a kangaroo.

All of that was just in time for Valentine’s Week. We’re so romantic.

My Valentine lovies.  Aren't they cute?

My Valentine lovies. Aren’t they cute?

So The Princess is in that stage where she is losing lots of teeth. Two teeth were lost in a short period of time at our house. This is a lot for a tooth fairy to keep up with.

Lost tooth one went three days without payment. Finally a pink bag with magical confetti hearts and four shiny quarters in it appeared on the fourth day, along with a letter of explanation. Apparently the tooth fairy had a tooth convention in Toothiana Texas.

Lost tooth two also went three days sans money. Finally a dollar miraculously appeared under Mommy’s pillow this morning. We’re thinking the tooth fairy was playing tricks. Or maybe got confused…

I’d like the record to show that the tooth fairy does not have a drinking problem. Also, my daughter is a very light sleeper.

The kids got Beanie Boos.  They're cute but a little creepy with their big eyes.  They love them.

The kids got Beanie Boos. They’re cute but a little creepy with their big eyes. They love them.

After supper I swear I heard my husband said “Great, now I can crap. I’ve been waiting and gathering things all day to do it.”

What he actually said was that he can “craft”. On Guild Wars, the online game that he plays. I’m still not sure which one actually makes more sense to me…

 **********

The Professor:  “What movie is this?”
Evil Genius: “Facing the Giants. Ever seen it?”
The Professor: Maybe I have. Unless I didn’t then I haven’t.

**********

The Headache Diaries-Facebook entries made by me during the month of the headache:

Hi I’m Sarah, and this is my headache. Maybe I should name it? What is a good name for a headache that won’t go away?
And Coming soon, Headache, the Musical…

Relief…

Evil Genius’s cheesecake: Now with divine healing powers.

I mean, yeah it’s always been heavenly and all, but tonight it made my migraine go away, and that was just the batter!

Eat his cheesecake tomorrow, gain superpowers. It could make a pretty good Friday, huh?

Help…

I give up. I surrender. Please just go away and let me be! You have made me into a completely worthless individual today!

Finally…

Just to share what a super kid I have: In an attempt to combat these terrible headaches I’m having, I quit drinking diet pop. I really gave up caffeine for the most part. I can’t say it’s really helping, but I’m trying. I’ve hardly had any caffeine other than the occasional coke in the last week.

Yesterday was hard because I had to work in the evening. I gave in and gave my son a dollar to run down to Casey’s to get me a can of Coke. He happily complied and it did help.

This morning I got up and came downstairs. He was sitting on the couch with a dollar in his hand. “What’s that for?” I asked him.

“Oh, it’s mine. I thought I’d bring it just in case you need something today mom.”

He’s my favorite today.

In conclusion…

So I am off of caffeine for the most part.  I’m still getting headaches, but not as bad.  So we’ll see.

**********

Graceful thing that I am, I dropped and broke my glasses.  Fortunately it was time to make an appointment anyway.  I got the indestructable flexon glasses, and they are PURPLE!!!!!

New glasses!

New glasses!

I just watched my cat flip a vhs tape across the floor and proceed to attack it… That’s right, make sure it’s dead.

 **********

Newsflash: Frozen hashbrowns are not a ready to eat food (says on the package).

 **********

The following is me online trying to find a new weight workout now that I’m running. Keep in mind I’m not a beginner, I’ve been lifting for many years:

Oh… I don’t want to watch a video…
That girl looks too happy, I can’t do that workout. Seriously, she’s enjoying that swiss ball waaaaay too much.
Our gym doesn’t have kettlebells.
I really don’t care what Reese Witherspoon does, thank you.
Last time I checked I’m not a man.

Yeah, still haven’t found a new workout…

**********

Evil Genius:  “How much snow do we have? 3 inches under the dog. Is that a standard measuring system?”

**********

Bad things to use as a bookmark for your library book #6: Your birth certificate.  True story… Not me, fortunately, but some other poor soul that is probably wondering where it went.  I sent it back to the library it came from.

**********

So upcoming things… The Professor starts baseball on Sunday.  This will be interesting for him, having to deal with other people in a team situation.  I may drink a lot the next two months.

In the next few months I will be running three 5Ks and a half marathon.  Am I crazy?  Pretty much.  I’m finally starting to see results.  Next month may very well be the running edition!

Now… don’t run away, check out these amazing people below.  You know you wanna…(My apologies to Karen, I really didn’t want to be late with this.  I still love you and will be ON TIME next month!  XOXO)

 http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home

http://www.menopausalmom.com/                          Menopausal Mother

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                        Stacy Sews and Schools

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                                   Battered Hope

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                  Just A Little Nutty

http://themomisodes.com                                        The Momisodes

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                            Someone Else’s Genius

http://dinoheromommy.com/                            Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://gndisney.wordpress.com                                Disneyland in Kentucky

http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                            Juicebox Confession

http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com                      Searching for Sanity

http://www.gomamao.com                                      Go Mama O

Beneath the Clearance Rack: A Tale of Unresolved Writer’s Block

Use Your WordsDid you know that every month you can be a part of something truly unique?  Karen of Baking in a Tornado regularly allows me to participate in the various writing challenges that she hosts and doesn’t tell me to hit the road.  At least she hasn’t yet.  If she’ll let me do it, by golly she’ll let anyone in. 

Use Your Words is one such challenge where participating bloggers provide four to six words or phrases.  These are then assigned to another blogger who can then tear his or her hair out trying to figure out how to use them in a coherent post.  These posts are simultaneously published at the same time so that you, the reader, can take in their amazingness like smelling apple pie right out of the oven.  I’m also tired and haven’t slept so I am using analogies very poorly.

That’s right.  It ain’t easy.  But yet I keep coming back every month…

This month my words were big ~ fast ~ ink ~ teddy bear ~Rumpelstiltskin ~ fart.  Oh that’s right.  One of my words was fart.  And I used it correctly in a sentence.

They were submitted by: http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com

Can't.Write.Anything.

Can’t.Write.Anything.  Nope.  Not a thing.

Once upon a time in a land not so far away there was a problem.  Not just a big problem, but a huge, gigantic enormous problem.

No matter how fast she scribbled, no matter how fast she typed,  the writer could not get the words to come out right.

She tried different kinds of ink, she tried different kinds of paper.  She even tried drinking different kinds of alcohol. No matter what she did her writing was all in vain.

She spent her nights sobbing, clutching her teddy bear, and drinking copious amounts of caffeine, hoping and praying that the words would somehow return.

“Why, why me?  Why must I be a victim of this horrible brain constipation?  Could I at least be lucky enough to have one giant word fart to relieve myself?”

All at once there was a deafening noise and a little man appeared on her keyboard.

“Who are you, Rumplestiltskin?”

Apparently this angered the little man so much he punched her in the nose and disappeared.

Later on that same evening after a binge of pretzels and various caffeinated beverages another person appeared to her.  This time she decided to keep her mouth shut, which was fine because it was actually full of pretzels.

“Follow the light.  You know the one. The red and white light in a perfect circle.  This holds the key to all that you know or think you know.”

(And she may or may not have been watching Willow earlier that evening.)

So she got in her car and went to Target.

So yeah.  Target holds all of life's secrets.

So yeah. Target holds all of life’s secrets.

The writer may not have found the words she was looking for.  But she did find underwear for $1.74, chocolate for 30% off, and a package of brightly colored lined paper which she never did use.  But that’s ok, because it was on clearance.

The moral of the story is that you may not be able to find the words you’re looking for, but you can certainly find something that you’re not looking for.  Just go to Target.  You’ll see.

This post has been brought to you by a severe case of writer’s block brought on by severe insomnia, too many pretzels, and perhaps one too many trips to Target in one week.  But you can also read posts by people who can actually produce coherent sentences when they try to write a blog post by clicking on one of the links below.

Seriously.  You just gonna sit there or are you going to click on one or two or all of those links?  Sheesh.  And I thought I procrastinated…

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                              Baking In A Tornado

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                     Stacy Sews and Schools

http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com/                                   Sparkly Poetic Weirdo

http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com                       Evil Joy Speaks 

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                            Someone Else’s Genius

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/        Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                            Follow me home . . .

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com               The Bergham’s Life Chronicles   

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                                Battered Hope   

The ABCs of Geekery

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I see the world through different eyes than other people do. Like this sign. I so totally would have thought this.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I live in a geek world. I admit that on here on a regular basis.  My husband is a geek, and my kids are geeks.  I live in a small town where geekery is in short supply, so you can say that I don’t exactly have a lot of people I can talk to.

Working in a library, I must say that I have found a few more kindred spirits.  I still get a lot of strange looks when I’m ask to recommend books and I gush over Tolkien and Rick Riordan.  But at least there are a few like minded teens that wholeheartedly embrace their geekiness right along with me.

That’s right, I live in my own little world much of the time, and I like it there.

Several writer friends and I decided to do a little exercise to get the creativity flowing.  Each of us wrote an ABCs of something that we consider ourselves quite familiar with.  I chose geekery, because, well, why not?

As it turns out, this post was much harder to write than I thought, because so many of the things I wanted to write about started with the same letter.  So I had to make choices.  And decision making is NOT my strong suit…

Yep, even as a kid I was a pretty big geek.

I’m Princess Leia, my sis is an Ewok. My lightsaber ruled.

Avengers-The movie responsible for bringing me out of my geek closet that I had retreated to when I became an adult.  We’ve seen it more times than I can count.  When there’s nothing on tv, one of two movies goes in the blu-ray player, Avengers or Iron Man 2.

Big Bang Theory-Thanks to this show, geeks are almost cool.  And I would totally hang out with Sheldon Cooper. Oh wait, I do, because my son is totally Sheldon.

Comic Book Store-I am very fortunate to have a wonderful comic book store right close by.  They have pretty much everything a geek could ever want!  We spend a fair amount of time there, even though I myself don’t purchase the comics like the kids (and husband) do, it’s still fun to look!

No.

No.  I want one that is fully functional.

Death Star-I want my own Death Star.  I do.  So I can go destroy things that make me unhappy.  It wouldn’t be actual size.  I could keep it in the garage.

Elves-I had to put something in here related to Tolkien.  This has nothing to do with Keebler elves, though I do like to eat their cookies.

Fan Fiction-Remember the books that were based on the Star Trek series that would tell other stories starring the characters?  I used to read them voraciously.  Now I think the equivalent would be fan fiction.

I never thought I'd love a tree so much until I saw this movie.

I never thought I’d love a tree so much until I saw this movie.

Guardians of the Galaxy-I had a hard time with this letter, so I finally picked this movie.  I didn’t think I was going to like it.  This is the latest Marvel movie to come out, and it is great.  Still not quite on par with Avengers or Captain America: Winter Soldier, but it is definitely worth seeing in the theater.  And it has a great soundtrack too!  G is also for Groot, whom I guarantee you will totally fall in love with when you see this movie.

Heinlein-When I was in grammar school, yes that’s what they call it in rural Maine, my mother was the librarian.  I discovered some wonderful things spending so much time in the library.  While other girls were reading Sweet Valley High books, I was reading Heinlein.  And Alan Dean Foster.  And Brian Daley.

So if I can't have the Death Star, can I just have Iron Man?

So if I can’t have the Death Star, can I just have Iron Man?

Iron Man-Because it’s Iron Man.  And Robert Downey Jr. is Iron Man.  That is all.

John Williams and James Horner-I got involved with music because of these guys.  In case you don’t know, they are both composers who did the scores for, well, scores of geek movies.

Klingon-I have never gone to a Star Trek convention.  I think it would be great fun.  And I would love to dress up as a Klingon.  Really!  Because who wouldn’t have fun with that?

Libraries-Still the ultimate geek haven.  It’s changed a lot in the past few years.  A lot of geeks come to not only check out their favorite books, but also play games on the computers and play Magic with their friends.

Avengers Magic Mike

So much to see in the movies these days… Thank you Marvel.

Marvel Cinematic Universe-Thank you Marvel for making superhero movies fun again. I’m not saying I dislike the dark gritty Dark Knight movies, I’d just rather be laughing.

Nerds-Now they don’t make QUITE so much fun of us…

Optimus Prime-While I’m not a huge Transformers fan, I must add this for my husband’s sake.

I never get tired of this picture.  Never.

I never get tired of this picture. Never.

Physics-Because where would we geeks be without physics? Truth be told I barely passed Physics in high school.  But my husband took Quantum Physics for fun in college.  Science people…

Q-The best villain in the Star Trek universe.  Sorry Khan.

Role playing-Now get your mind out of the gutter!  That’s not what I’m talking about!  I’m talking about Dungeons and Dragons and Star Wars and superhero type stuff.  You get to pretend to be a character you like.  As a kid I role played Star Wars by mail.  Now it’s all technological and stuff.  Maybe it was a good thing I didn’t have the options available today as a kid.

We like Star Wars a little bit around here. Just a little.  Not much at all.

We like Star Wars a little bit around here. Just a little. Not much at all.

Star Wars and Star Trek-A friend of mine (you know who you are) insists that if you like one you cannot like the other.  I call that theory complete BS.  I find both incredibly awesome, and for totally different reasons.  I love the story of the Star Wars universe even if I haven’t been totally enamored with the newer movies.  I grew up on it.  I saw Star Wars for the first time at the drive-in my preschool years and have been in love with it ever since.  Star Trek is the reason why I can never really say I’m bored, when all I have to do is find an episode of one of the series to watch.  Or pop in one of the many movies-we own them all except for Into Darkness.

Time Travel-Back to the Future style, of course.  Still one of my all time favorite movies!

Underoos-I had C3PO underoos as a kid.  Now my kids have superhero underoos!  If that doesn’t scream geek I don’t know what does.  I kind of wish I still had some.

Villains-I love a good villain.  Ian McKellen’s Magneto is probably still my all time favorite villain.  Q, Darth Vader, Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman), The Borg Queen, Ivan Vanko, I could sit and name the ones I love for hours.  I especially love complicated villains, and the stories behind why they went bad.  In some cases, very, very bad.  In other cases, not so much.

It's the best website on the internets.  Nothing but Wil Wheaton's face photoshopped onto everything imaginable.

It’s the best website on the internets. Nothing but Wil Wheaton’s face photoshopped onto everything imaginable.  http://photoshopwilwheaton.tumblr.com/

Wil Wheaton– This guy is everywhere.  He is on every form of social media there is.  I think I follow him on every platform possible.  Why?  Because he is the ultimate geek.  He speaks to us geek folk in our language.  For the layperson, Wil played Wesley Crusher on Star Trek:The Next Generation.  He was the kid.  I had a poster of him in my bedroom, because I was a closet teenaged geek.  Now I probably look like I stalk the guy, but I don’t care. He’s our spokesperson.

X-Men-Because X is a hard letter.  I like X-Men.  And I wasn’t about to put Xbox, because Skyrim.

Yar’s Revenge-At one time I was one of those video game freaks, I had an Atari.  Then they got hard and complicated.  Now I play Tetris and that’s about it.  My husband is the major player in the house.

Remember this?

Remember this?

Zork-Only one of the coolest games ever made.  Do you remember Zork?  It was a game with no graphics, no visuals, nothing but words telling you what to do next.  This was something we did at school on those very first computers that we ever had in a lab.  This was even before Oregon Trail.  It.was.awesome.  Awhile back I had a copy of the game fall into my possession and was so very sad that I couldn’t get it to work on my computer.

Now I was a little late to the party, thanks to a really busy week and little inspiration to finish this, but there is a link up if you’d like to link up your very own ABC post of anything that you feel that you’re a bit of an expert in.

Selfies at the races.  Not sure who the guy is.

See my Captain America t-shirt?  I’m so proud I own one.  I just bought a sweatshirt too.  I’m not really obsessed with the Captain, I just have a really hard time finding Iron Man stuff I like.  😉

Touring the World One Word At A Time

If I only could write something...

If I only could write something…

Struggling to write something amusing is tough when you’ve got the blues, yo.

I’ve been dealing with a major depressive episode for months.  It’s not going away, it’s not getting better, and there are some days when I pretty much hate myself.  And blah blah blah.

But enough about me.  I got a chance to tour the world, and I think it’s pretty cool.

Marcia from Menopausal Mother tagged me in this fun little blogging game.  So maybe I DO have to tell a little more about me.  I had to answer these four simple questions and then choose three bloggers I love who will hopefully jump in and also answer the four questions and tag three bloggers they love and things of that nature.

If you’re a blogger, you know that there is no such thing as four simple questions…

1.  What am I working on?

Trying to find material that is interesting, relevant, and does not simply contain the words fart, butt, pee, poop… you see where this is going.  I live with two elementary schoolers who think that stuff is to die for.  Kids, they’re funny creatures, except when they’re not.

Currently I am working on getting to bed before 2 am most nights.  So far I am not successful.  I also might get published in something sometime soon… stay tuned for that.

2.  How does my work differ from others of its genre?

I am a mom who blogs, but I don’t feel that I really fall under the mommy blogger category.  I have a child who has some special needs (ADD, sensory issues, other stuff that may never be diagnosed), but I don’t really belong in that category either.  I do believe that we geek moms who like NASCAR are a rather unique social subgroup, don’t you?

The Sadder But Wiser Girl as Tie-Dye Girl!  Saving the world from dullness, one color at a time.

Yeah I’m unique all right…

In other words, I don’t really belong anywhere, right?  Who’s with me?  Bloggers With No Niche, UNITE!

(I really like acronyms.  That’s totally a thing.)

3.  Why do I write what I do?

I originally started blogging as a way to write down my thoughts.  The thoughts weren’t so nice at first.  But as time went on I started writing with my own warped sense of humor.  And my humor is definitely not one size fits all, as I rediscover daily whenever I share something on Facebook.

Like this picture.  I was rolling, dying when I saw this.  I shared it on Facebook. Crickets. Do you get it?????

Like this picture. I was rolling, dying when I saw this. I shared it on Facebook. Crickets. Do you get it????? Source unknown

So when I actually do write, I do it because something motivated me to write, or because someone made me do it.  You know who you are.  😉  I really do hope to get to a point where I will be able to write regularly again.  Because no brains.

4.  How does your writing process work?

I get an idea.  I find my phone.  I put that idea on the notes on my phone.  I forget I have an app for that.  Then I remember I have an app for that, and I stare at something I wrote and cannot fathom for the life of me what that was.

So my process isn’t exactly yielding a lot of product right now.  Maybe someday…

sweet baboo

Who do I love?

Three bloggers that I love… This part was so hard because there are so many blogs that I love.  I wanted to choose three from that long list that are not as well known writers that I think deserve some extra attention from all of the famous people that I’m sure are going to come read this.

All The Everydays (the blog formerly known as Mama Schmama).  Jean and I share a similar sense of humor, not to mention that she is one of the nicest people on the planet.  I do really think that we are long lost sisters.  She claims that she is a stay-at-home mom and a former teacher in the about section of her blog,but I can tell you that as a mom you are also a teacher all day long every day.  She’s not fooling anyone!  🙂  Please go over and check her out!

Sarah’s Brand New Chapter The one and only Miss Sarah Balding is a fellow Sarah, librarian, and geek.  She is definitely on the list of bloggers I want to meet someday!  I love her writing and feel that if we lived closer to each other, we’d hang out regularly.  Maybe even at the library.  Stop over, say hi, and read some of her awesomeness!

The Regular Guy NYC I don’t live anywhere near NYC, but I can live vicariously through Phil.  He visits some great places to eat, and he always posts stuff that makes me giggle.  If you live in the area, or even if you don’t, he deserves a peek or two!

So that’s all she wrote.  Really, that’s all I wrote!

 

Fly on the Wall June 2014: The Pants Party Edition

Fly on the Wall

Some flies have all the fun… welcome to the June edition of Fly on the Wall, where you can spend time spying on us and hearing all those little conversations we’re having in our house that sometimes are even amusing. 

Each month I partake in this special group event.  All of the participants write their posts and they all go live at the same time!  It’s like a marathon of your favorite TV show just much, much better!

For those of you who know how prolific a writer I used to be, thanks to a busy schedule and a major depressive episode that has now dragged on for far too long I have not been able to write much of anything.  This is the one thing that I have been able to stay active in as a blogger, and I just wanted to give a shout out to Karen of Baking in a Tornado for being understanding and not telling me to go away.  Will I ever get back to writing on a regular basis?  Will I ever feel funny again?  That remains to be seen…

Now, read the nonsense and foolishness that goes on in my house and then be sure to see what goes on in my friend’s houses by clicking on the links at the bottom of the post!

 

We have entered the dreaded stage of childhood in my house where everything inappropriate is funny.  It does not matter, if it contains the word underwear or toilet in it, it is HILARIOUS to my children.  I’m talking rolling on the floor laughing because a song had underwear in it.  So the cuteness doesn’t exactly abound in my house because my children are too busy trying to make each other laugh by saying inappropriate words:  poop, butt, fart, you name it.

As a humor writer whose most famous posts involve peeing my own pants and being a poop detective, yeahhhh… not so funny.

I am easily amused by brand names.  I truly think this is one of the best names ever.  Now I must decide if I want a regular or an overnight party in my pants...

I am easily amused by brand names. I truly think this is one of the best names ever. Now I must decide if I want a regular or an overnight party in my pants…

Evil Genius: “FINALLY! I got turned into a vampire. Now all I have to do is make my imaginary friend real and turn him into a werewolf so I can marry him and get on with what I’ve been trying to do.”
He’s been playing the Sims.  What did you think he was talking about?

From the living room I can hear what sounds like screams of torture from the backyard.  I go outside to see both kids sitting on the swings, screaming at the top of their lungs.
“HEY!  Knock that off!”  I yell.
“But mom, we’re doing burps!”
I might want to rethink what kind of food I’m serving my family…

Evil Genius:  “Leave some milk for morning. I eat my Fruity Pebbles like a MAN! With milk!”

I told the kids for every minute that they played outside this afternoon, they could play Minecraft. It was tough, but they stuck it out and played for a whole HOUR in the great outdoors.  Guess what?  They didn’t die!

This is part of what I do for my paid job.  These are marshmallows, each plate microwaved at a different time interval.  All in the name of science, right?

This is part of what I do for my paid job. These are marshmallows, each plate microwaved at a different time interval. All in the name of science, right?

Evil Genius:  “I hope we have enough sugar.”
Me:  “I just bought you a new thing of sugar, it’s sitting on the counter!”
Evil Genius:  “Yeah, but it’s only five pounds, and I’m making a cheesecake.”

Memorial Day weekend:  There was racing on all day and we were making fried food.  According to The Professor it was the best day ever.

Evil Genius:  “By the way, there’s an egg in the butter.”
The Professor: “Why is there an egg in the butter?”
Me: “Didn’t you know, it’s reproducing. Butter lays eggs.”
Just a little normal dinnertime conversation in our house…

The Princess of Pink Perfection at the Park.  Priceless.

The Princess of Pink Perfection at the Park. Priceless.

Take any noun and insert it in the blanks:

“Why did the guy put the _________ in the refrigerator?”
“Because he wanted a cool_________.”

Now, repeat 700,000 times in a row, inserting a different noun EVERY time you tell it. Make sure to laugh hysterically EVERY time.

My children. That’s right, they will never be comedians.

The Professor tries out tennis this summer, and looked very cool doing it.

The Professor tried out tennis this summer, and looked very cool doing it.

I almost missed going to the gym because my husband was out shopping for shoes.  Then he came home and made a cheesecake… backwards?

Did you know I’m famous?  Good things happen when you share recipes with friends.  I’m sharing this on here, because my friend Amy is awesome and so is this recipe!  http://funnyisfamily.com/2014/06/crock-pot-chicken-and-noodles.html

Don’t forget to visit these other homes and buzz around a bit!

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado

http://www.therowdybaker.com                                  The Rowdy Baker

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just A Little Nutty

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                  Stacy Sews and Schools

http://www.menopausalmom.com/                          Menopausal Mother

http://dinoheromommy.com/                               Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                      Juicebox Confession

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                     Someone Else’s Genius

www.theblacksheepmom.blogspot.com                         Black Sheep Mom

http://www.gomamao.com                                Go Mama O

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                            Battered Hope

http://themomisodes.com                                      The Momisodes

http://elleroywashere.com                                      elleroy was here

Fly on the Wall May 2014: The Second Breakfast Edition

Fly on the WallWelcome to the May 2014 edition of the Fly on the Wall!  This month we are still abuzz at our house. Where have I been?  Interestingly enough, my boss was called for jury duty.  No big deal, right?  Wrong!  The poor lady ended up being at justice’s beck and call for THREE WEEKS!  I was barely staying in the blogging game before that happened.  The good news is that I have several things that occurred over the past month that should give me plenty of fodder for posts, if I would only WRITE THEM!!!!

As of publication of this edition, my kids will be out of school for the year at 11:15 Central Time.  Today.  Yes you saw that right.  This is starting on May 23rd and out until August 14th.  Can you believe that????  

While you’re pondering that, read below what has occurred in my place of residence this past month.  Then afterwards visit some of the other participants in this month’s fly post by following the links at the bottom of the post.

First things first. Will insomnia render someone completely crazy or just mildly insane?
Asking for a friend.

The Princess:  “You’re my favorite Mommy that I’ve ever had.”
Me:  “I’m the only Mommy that you’ve ever had.  Unless you have one stashed under your bed somewhere.”
The Princess:  “I wouldn’t feed her so no.”

Words uttered in my house this past month: “Do you have the sound remote? I can’t hear the TV over the chicken.”

Evil Cheesecake Version #4.  White Chocolate Raspberry. I at least got to have some of the batter.  I didn't get any cheesecake.

Evil Cheesecake Version #4. White Chocolate Raspberry. I at least got to have some of the batter. I didn’t get any cheesecake.

Evil Genius (to the kids): What are you two talking about?
The Professor: Onions.
Me: Onions?
The Professor: The Princess thought the Memorial Union was the Memorial Onion.
Yeah I always get those two mixed up too…

We have something known as experimental music at our house.  This is when my children experiment playing the piano using various parts of their body.
“Use your feet!  Play the piano with your head!  Play it with your BUTT!”
How about not.

The cat kept sampling Evil Genius’s Diet Dr Pepper. I wasn’t sure if I should take it away or keep watching to see what it does to him…

The Princess made her own scrapbook with her own pictures in it as reasonable fascimiles to real life.  Can you tell what she wrote as the caption on this one?

The Princess made her own scrapbook with her own pictures in it as reasonable fascimiles to real life. Can you tell what she wrote as the caption on this one?

Keep in mind that there are some very important questions to ask in life.
Like what kind of wine best compliments microwaveable macaroni and cheese?

The Professor spies me eating nutrigrain waffles.  His reaction?
The Professor:  Are you eating breakfast AGAIN????
I had to think about this for awhile.  Then it dawned on me that I had indeed eaten breakfast earlier that morning.  I had just forgotten.
Ah…Second breakfast.

The Princess played soccer this Spring.  Unfortunately, the silly weather we’ve had this spring has really mucked it up for some of us parents.  I got to attend one game the whole season.
I went and peed my pants from coughing so much.
The end.

Signs that maybe I need to NOT be on Facebook at all hours of the night when I can’t sleep: At some point I put Jay and Silent Bob on my list of inspirational people.

I just never know who is going to be waiting for me after school...

I just never know who is going to be waiting for me after school…

A few weeks ago they had themed days at school.  One of the days the kids were supposed to dress as a career that they wanted to pursue someday.  The Princess announces that she is going to dress like a Princess.
Me:  “A Princess is not a career, pick something else.  A career is like a job.”
The Princess:  “Oh yes it is.  A Princess’s job is to take care of her castle.  AND her people.”
She set me straight, yes she did.

Childhood Myth #491: If the dog pees on it, as soon as it’s dry it’s ok to play with.

I picked up the kids at school for The Princess’s six year old checkup.  As we were walking to my car, The Professor points to an apartment building and says “That is where my friend from school lives.  She lives in apartment 3D.”
He knows me too well, before I could even say anything he quickly added with a sigh “No mom, they do not do everything in 3D there.”
Fine, ruin all my fun.

I got the ultimate nerd compliments this past month.
1)  I was asked to list all of the Marvel movies in correct viewing order.
2)  I was asked all about the phone booth at the edge of town by several people assuming that I would know why there was a Tardis in rural Iowa.

This has got to be the most awesome t-shirt ever made in the history of universe.  I must have one.

This has got to be the most awesome t-shirt ever made in the history of universe. I must have one.

So as I said, today is the 11:15 dismissal.  Then we shall launch into 11 1/2 weeks of total togetherness with my two lovely children… Hold me.

Don’t forget to check out these wonderful blogs that are also participating in the Fly on the Wall this month! 

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado

http://www.therowdybaker.com                                  The Rowdy Baker

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just A Little Nutty

http://themomisodes.com                                          The Momisodes

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                                   The Sadder But Wiser Girl

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                     Stacy Sews and Schools

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                                   Battered Hope

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                      Someone Else’s Genius

http://www.menopausalmom.com/                                 Menopausal Mother

http://dinoheromommy.com/                                 Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://sorrykidblog.com/                              Sorry kid, your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others

 

Fly on the Wall April 2014: The Lame Edition

Fly on the WallBuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….

What’s that infernal racket?  Oh, that is the sound you’d be making if you were a fly on a wall in my house.  At least that’s what the flies sound like that are currently here.  Maybe YOU would be extra quiet.

Why am I talking about flies? Don’t they just fly around and buzz in your ear and get in your garbage?  Au contraire-flies could very well be little spies, hanging around on your wall and getting an earful of your biznizz.

Fly on the Wall is a monthly good time, the brainchild of the lovely and very wise guardian of the baked goods Karen from Baking in a Tornado.  We participants are all posting at the same time, ensuring that you will get the pleasure of seeing what goes on at not just one, but MANY houses each time.  After you’re done reading my post, please click on some of the links to see what is going on in other houses around the blogosphere.

I have entitled this one “The Lame Edition”, because this last month stands to be the lamest one yet as far as fly content!  Where is the funny?  Where is the cuteness?  What is wrong with us?

But hey flies-you’ll be loving my house this month.  Thanks to an extended winter season and the destruction of our garbage receptacle by the D-O-G we have plenty of delightful things to offer our larval and adult fly population alike in our yard this month.  Get your kicks in now, because by next week we should have all the trash outta here and taken to the curb.  Sorry doggie, NO TRASH FOR YOU!

He's in my spot.

He’s in my spot.

I’ve been spending an inordinate amount of time taking those silly quizzes on Facebook.  Let me give you a quick rundown of what I have learned about myself:  I’m Katherine Janeway, Captain of Voyager.  I’m Bill Hader.  I should join the X-Men.  I’m Captain America.  I’m Rainbow Brite.  I’m Bambi.  I’m a Lawful Neutral type person.  And I should be a lifeguard at a nude beach.

Did we mention the part where I really just need to get a life?  Where’s that quiz?

Oh myyyy... so young to be so grumpy so often...

Oh myyyy… so young to be so grumpy so often…

I’m a terrible, horrible parent.The Professor was conflict manager at recess recently and apparently was royally p.o.’d that there was no conflict. He announced that recess “sucked” because of that fact. I get why he was in trouble for it, and we talked about it, but I still found it funny. I at least waited until he was out of earshot to snicker.

Isn’t that kind of like the morale officer being mad because everyone is already happy?

Look out world, the real Sheldon Cooper is coming.

 ****

It’s a good weekend to be the Evil Genius.  His birthday is Saturday.  He has Good Friday off.  And had part of the day before as well.  And what did we spend the evening doing?  Watching beer commercials on the internet.  Be jealous, be very jealous of my exciting life.

She had her first official music concert this month.  It was a farm theme.  I think we pulled it off rather nicely!

She had her first official music concert this month. It was a farm theme. I think we pulled it off rather nicely!

I bought my first superhero shirt this week, the first one I’ve owned as an adult.  I think the last one I owned was a pair of Underoos back in the 1980s.  I’m finally publicly embracing my inner geek.  It has the Captain America shield on it and it is AWESOME!  (And if you want to embrace YOUR inner geek, I highly recommend going to see The Winter Soldier.)

*****

The Professor:  “It almost blew up my whole house! But it created some beautiful scenery!”  

Ah yes, Minecraft.  Everyone in my house is addicted to this game but me.  Am I mental?  I just do not see what’s so great about building stuff with blocks.  Maybe we need to just GET SOME BLOCKS?

No, not really.

No, not really.  Maybe she REALLY likes cheese?  My friend Teri at Snarkfest gets the finder’s fee for this one.

Where have I been these days?  I’ve been writing fiction.  Fiction that as of yet no one else has seen.  And may never.  What is so cool about fiction? The fact that you can totally control the storyline.  People never grow old and never die.  Oh wait, that’s the tagline for the movie Cocoon.  While I love my family dearly, now that my daughter is in school all day and I am working, and they’re all playing Minecraft, the funniness does not flow like I would like it to!

The OTHER reason why I'm not blogging so much...

The OTHER reason why I’m not blogging so much… Hi.

So what are you waiting for?  You’re just getting started getting your fill of fun, right??? Don’t forget to check out at least a couple of these lovely ladies!

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado

http://www.therowdybaker.com                                  The Rowdy Baker

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just A Little Nutty

http://themomisodes.com                                          The Momisodes

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home . . .

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                 Stacy Sews and Schools

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                            Someone Else’s Genius

http://www.impoverishedvegan.com                                Impoverished Vegan

http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                             Juicebox Confession

http://www.gomamao.com                                         Go Mama O

I’m Taking Over

MWAH HA HA…

In case you didn’t know, that was my evil laugh.

I’ve been a bit obsessed over superheroes and supervillains lately due to my recent venture out of my own little world to see Captain America: The Winter Soldier.  Which was nothing less than AMAZING.

Keep in mind that I don’t get out much, so there’s that…

Also, in my spare time, I stole a plane and flew down to Florida so I could hijack my friend’s blog.  Oh yes, in true supervillain fashion I’m holding Menopausal Mother hostage and I’m not giving it back until she asks me really, really nicely.  And maybe sends me some rum cake.  I hear she makes the best rum cake in the world.

I know supervillains don’t ask politely, just consider me a very friendly one.  Please come over and say hi, and check out some of Marcia’s writing while you’re there!

To come over and read my guest post, click HERE.

Fear me, I have minions... and I command thee to visit me at MENOPAUSAL MOTHER!!!!!

Fear me, I have minions… and I command thee to visit me at MENOPAUSAL MOTHER!!!!!

 

 

I Got The (Insert Really Long Phrase Here) Blues

Oh yeahhhh... play those blues...

Oh yeahhhh… play those blues…

I got me a blog
Ain’t wrote in awhile
This thing called life
It cramps my style

Should I just give it up?
Should I stop for awhile?
Should I eat that bowl of frosting
And then go walk seventeen miles?

Don’t mind me I got the I’m-a-mom-who-works-outside-of-the-home-and-has-a-house-to-clean-and-is-trying-to exercise-and-sleep-occasionally-and-maintain-a-blog-that-I-don’t-get-paid-anything-for blues

I’ve been writing a teensy bit, but sure not much.  I don’t just have the blahs, I have the blogging blues.  And maybe a bit of it’s just too damn cold blues.  I’ve been doing something besides just sitting on my couch.  Just what exactly have I been doing?  Pardon me while I do a sort of rant…

facebook post

Damn you FACEBUTT!!!!

I’ve spent plenty of time being frustrated.  Like with Facebook, they keep changing the rules.  Yet that’s the only place I really see any interaction with the exception of a couple of private groups I’m in.  I love posting something and only getting 11 views out of 777 people that like my status.  I can share something that someone else posted and sometimes get lots of views, but it’s so inconsistent.  What a bummer!

Speaking of frustrated, I seem to get pretty much the same number of pageviews regardless of what I’m doing.  I’d like to thank the pervs looking for pictures of women peeing their pants.

The workplace: Where paper cutters roam and attack without warning.

The workplace: Where paper cutters roam and attack without warning.

There is work.  The PAID JOB.  While my job is interesting and flexible and all of that jazz, it does take a lot of my time.  AND some weeks I like it better than others.  This week, not so much (mostly due to the fact that it has been too cold for kids to go outside=loud noisy kids!)  I spend way too much time analyzing what I could have done differently or better after each session, while I should just jot down a little note and move the heck on!  So the brains?  Nowhere to be found!

workoutTo some of you this may not be that impressive.  But to me this is a new start.  I have a condition where my muscles get knots in them as well as having chronic back pain.  Exercising this past year has been very difficult.  Add to that the fact that I literally try to hibernate in the winter.  This getting out and to the gym when the weather is so darn cold is really a challenge.  So far, so good!  I’m sure it will get easier come spring because I really hate walking indoors.  Having a motivating playlist on my Iphone has helped make it easier, but I still want to be outside!

Magnum ran a 5K.  I looked at pictures of him running a 5K...

Magnum ran a 5K. I looked at pictures of him running a 5K…

Also, as you can see Evil Genius has been running.  He’s actually been training for a marathon.  His first 5K was the last day of January.  While I’m not moved to run any sort of marathon, I would like to at least compete in a 5K!  He has been doing really well with his training, and that is motivating me too!  While I’m still just walking, I’m walking further than I have in a long time and that is what counts.

IMG_0180 (2)And of course, kids.

IMG_2732And I’ve been trying to find the stuff in my kitchen.  I’ve been both blessed and cursed by this pantry.  The pantry is wonderful because not only does it give us space that we otherwise didn’t have to store our food, it also is the entrance to our “secret passage”.  However, the shelves are pretty deep and not very much space between them.  The containers I had would fall off the shelves and we’d be ankle deep in the mess!  So new containers that are long and skinny, new labels, and it’s looking pretty snazzy! It is close to completion now, at least that phase.  There are other things going on with the organizing too…

IMG_2730

Behold the nicely organized spices!

So if you wonder why a) I haven’t been blogging my little heart out b) I haven’t been reading your blog b) I haven’t been sharing your blog c) on Facebook but don’t seem to do anything but post a bunch of silly Valentines that I have spent way too much time trying to find (like you see it, HA!), then hopefully this will give you an idea of why I’ve been so… bleh.

(I’m sure you probably haven’t even noticed… but I’ve got this thing called anxiety so I do…)

Have you had the blogging blues?  Have you had things that have been taking precedence over writing?  What is your kryptonite when it comes to blogging?